Dad Jokes...

[SkyFire]

 

[SkyFire]

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[SkyFire]

 

[Cape Byron]

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[Cape Byron]

 

[Cape Byron]

A zoo keeper wanted to increase his stock. He wrote to his animal supplier saying, “please send me two mongooses”.
It didn’t look right so he changed it to, “please send me two mongeese”. He still wasn’t happy, so he tried, “please send me two mongi”.
Thoroughly confused, he finally wrote, “please send me a mongoose”. “PS, better make it two.”

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[K'Tesh]

And the winner of "Dad Of The Year" goes to...

 

[KenECoyote]

What is green and goes up and down?
Your finger when you pick your nose.

 

[Cape Byron]

I posted a map of the world up in the kitchen, gave my wife a dart and said to her, “Throw that dart at the map and where it lands, is where we will be going on holiday this year”.

Looks like we will be spending two weeks behind the refrigerator.

 

[Sooner Boomer]

When is the number "99" of much higher value than the number "100"?

 

[rbelknap]

When is the number "99" of much higher value than the number "100"?

I’m almost afraid to ask, but when?

 

[Sooner Boomer]

I’m almost afraid to ask, but when?

Time on a microwave. If you type in 99, you get a time of one minute, thirty-nine seconds. If you type in 100, you get a time of one minute.

 

[heada]

I tried drag racing the other day. It's brutal trying to run in those heels!

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[SwingWing]

 

[Reinhard]

 

[les]

If a cow fails to produce milk, is she a milk-dud or an udder failure?

 

[Cape Byron]

 

[Cape Byron]

I was doing a crossword and asked for help ”7 down, overworked postman”
“How many letters?” I was asked.
“Bloody thousands”

 

[Cape Byron]

My wife saw a robbery at the Apple Store.

She's an iWitness.

 

[Cape Byron]

 

[Cape Byron]

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[K'Tesh]

 

[Cape Byron]

The band Free were booked to play in a hall in Newcastle. On arriving at the venue they were dismayed to see it was a cinema they were booked to play in.

"We cant play in cinema "they protested,to which the manager of the venue replied, "Its ok we've taken out all the seats. It's a hall right now"

 

[jsdemar]

"Orion's Belt is a big waist of space."

Terrible joke. Only three stars.

 

[Cape Byron]

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii, or just a low ha?