Why do restaurant waiters suddenly use "we" when they mean "you?"

[Marc_G]

With all the craziness in the world today, I decided to take just a moment to post a rant so trivial it can be entirely ignored without consequence. But I wanted to get some input on something that bothers me, and which has become much more common in my experience since my wife and I have returned to eating out now that COVID-19 isn't as much of a problem here:

All of a sudden, almost every single waiter will use "we" instead of "you." "What will WE be having for an entree?" "Will WE be having any appetizers?" "Would WE like a cocktail?"

This drives me crazy. My waiter isn't dining with me so I have no idea what they may be having for dinner. I'm pretty sure they would like a cocktail, though.

I would much prefer it if they said "What would YOU like to order?" Second person, formal.

In all of my interactions with customers over a long career that included decades of client-facing work, I never once used "we" to describe what they may want/need from the products I represented.
I'm always polite and have never asked a server about this... social anxiety prevents me, but maybe I should ask. And I always tip generously. But, why has this become a thing? Any insights?

 

[jsdemar]

Ewe? Oui!

 

[Steven]

On the other hand, if the waiter said "We are going to poison your food." then I'd raise an issue.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

Are we not a fan of this?

 

[Steven]

We have to go wee wee.

 

[NateB]

It's been a while (17 years ago), but in my years as a server and bartender I don't recall ever referring to a customer in that sense. I did hear it once in a while, and usually from a more effeminate server. It always struck me as an odd choice for a collective noun in this sense.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

‘‘Tis but a we thing.

 

[Zeus-cat]

My guess is that they have been told it is a way to make a personal connection with the customer. Maybe it is a generational thing as it would annoy an old fart like me.

 

[tsmith1315]

But, why has this become a thing? Any insights?

A patronizing use of the royal "we".

 

[tsmmiller]

Maybe because they get a sample what YOU are eating before they deliver it to YOUR table?

 

[Steven]

Maybe because they get a sample what YOU are eating before they deliver it to YOUR table?

Are we sure?

 

[yorider]

Only speculating here but I think it has to do with "gender pronouns" (Don't even get me started.)

 

[lakeroadster]

Reminds me of something Bill Lumbergh would be instructing all his employees to do....

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

Only speculating here but I think it has to do with "gender pronouns" (Don't even get me started.)

I doubt that’s it, but it gives me an idea. My pronouns from now on are going to be “we/us/ours”.

 

[tsmmiller]

I doubt that’s it, but it gives me an idea. My pronouns from now on are going to be “we/us/ours”.

My place of employment is requiring that we place our preferred pronoun on our email signature. I told my manager I will do so eventually. My preferred will be "It."

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

My place of employment is requiring that we place our preferred pronoun on our email signature. I told my manager I will do so eventually. My preferred will be "It."

Would it like a cocktail? And what is it having for an entree? Did it save room for dessert? Can I get it anything else?

 

[pollux]

My guess is that they have been told it is a way to make a personal connection with the customer. Maybe it is a generational thing as it would annoy an old fart like me.

There is actual science on this. There are only three ways to make a personal connection that increases tips.

1. smile.
2. Get down at eye level early on
3. Be very attractive

not kidding it’s researched.

 

[rharshberger]

Would it like a cocktail? And what is it having for an entree? Did it save room for dessert? Can I get it anything else?

These days It is an appropriate (though highly politically incorrect pronoun)....

 

[Funkworks]

I see it as though the waiter is joining your team and he's asking what it is that the team wants. He's ... they're on your side against the restaurant. So it's "we, the client team side" vs "them, the restaurant sales team side".

 

[3stoogesrocketry]

It is because people are tender these days. There are so many pro nouns for a person's identity, if you simply say "you" to them , you will offend them. Also , when there are more then one person at the table , "we" is a acceptable term . Do not forget , while a server is not tasting your food in front of you , they will be handling and moving your food , so indirectly they are "having"it too. This comes from 6 years kitchen experience.

 

[modeltrains]

This is when it is good to be poor and living in a little county seat farm burg.
I don't go to restaurants much & the two I do sometimes go to one of are run by country families.
Such hipness doesn't happen.

Hmm, do I want to bother to look up whether there are defined technical differences between diners, cafes, and restaurants?
No.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

If the waiter asks “Are we ready to order?” You can clear it up by simply asking, “When we say ‘we’, are we talking about us?”

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

“And will we be having anything else?”

”No thanks. They are ready for our bill.”

 

[Marc_G]

Only speculating here but I think it has to do with "gender pronouns" (Don't even get me started.)

As we and you are both free of gender connotations, probably not.

 

[NateB]

Was this guy your waiter?

 

[Marc_G]

My place of employment is requiring that we place our preferred pronoun on our email signature. I told my manager I will do so eventually. My preferred will be "It."

We are encouraged to do so. I like this, because I often interact with people around the world I haven't met, whose gender I don't know and can't reliably infer from their names. Often they don't have a picture in Teams/Outlook and it helps to know what they prefer.

 

[boatgeek]

My place of employment is requiring that we place our preferred pronoun on our email signature. I told my manager I will do so eventually. My preferred will be "It."

Would it like a cocktail? And what is it having for an entree? Did it save room for dessert? Can I get it anything else?

I think that use of "it" as a second person pronoun requires a Gollum voice. "Would it likes a cocktail Preciousss?"

I've seen a lot of pronouns come across the table, but never heard an objection to "you" as a second person pronoun. On the other hand, I have heard people who have visited the south once use "y'all" as an all-inclusive second person pronoun.

 

[Marc_G]

"IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!"

 

[tsmmiller]

I think that use of "it" as a second person pronoun requires a Gollum voice. "Would it likes a cocktail Preciousss?"

I've seen a lot of pronouns come across the table, but never heard an objection to "you" as a second person pronoun. On the other hand, I have heard people who have visited the south once use "y'all" as an all-inclusive second person pronoun.

I think "y'all and "all y'all" are much more preferred to some of the others I have experienced.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

I think that use of "it" as a second person pronoun requires a Gollum voice. "Would it likes a cocktail Preciousss?"

I've seen a lot of pronouns come across the table, but never heard an objection to "you" as a second person pronoun. On the other hand, I have heard people who have visited the south once use "y'all" as an all-inclusive second person pronoun.

Yep. “Y’all” is the singular second-person pronoun. The plural is “All y’all”.