Why do restaurant waiters suddenly use "we" when they mean "you?"

[tsmmiller]

We are encouraged to do so. I like this, because I often interact with people around the world I haven't met, whose gender I don't know and can't reliably infer from their names. Often they don't have a picture in Teams/Outlook and it helps to know what they prefer.

Perfect example of that is my uncle. He was (retired) a hospital administrator. He changed his name from Lynn to Pat. He said because he was tired of getting his mail addressed as Ms Lynn B. Once changing to Pat he started getting his mail addressed as Ms Pat B. Sometimes you are not allowed to win!

 

[neil_w]

Only speculating here but I think it has to do with "gender pronouns" (Don't even get me started.)

Uh.... no. "You" is not gendered, so replacing "you" with "we" doesn't change anything in that respect.

I recall hearing servers use "we" since I can remember going to restaurants as a kid. They didn't *all* do it then, and they don't all do it now. But some do. It doesn't bother me, but I agree it is a slightly strange affectation. I'm not sure why it would bother anyone *that much*.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

Perfect example of that is my uncle. He was (retired) a hospital administrator. He changed his name from Lynn to Pat. He said because he was tired of getting his mail addressed as Ms Lynn B. Once changing to Pat he started getting his mail addressed as Ms Pat B. Sometimes you are not allowed to win!

Well, Pat was just asking for trouble!

 

[Marc_G]

I'm not sure why it would bother anyone *that much*.

Easy, because things I can't explain drive me crazy

Either it's an incorrect use of language becoming more common (other examples being wrong use of the words comprise or patronize), or maybe it actually is a correct form due to reasons I don't know.

Ok, next time it happens I'm asking the server, after finishing the tipping process so they won't wonder if their tip depends on their answer. Enquiring minds want to know!

 

[NateB]

I'd wager on incorrect use of language becoming more common or at least more common in restaurant culture and slang.

 

[CoyoteNumber2]

Was this guy your waiter?

Doubtful. Hugh has been climbing the corporate ladder.

 

[jderimig]

Its the same when politicians say "We" the people. It makes you think they care about you when really they don't. Tips, Votes same transaction.

 

[tsmmiller]

Easy, because things I can't explain drive me crazy

Either it's an incorrect use of language becoming more common (other examples being wrong use of the words comprise or patronize), or maybe it actually is a correct form due to reasons I don't know.

Ok, next time it happens I'm asking the server, after finishing the tipping process so they won't wonder if their tip depends on their answer. Enquiring minds want to know!

You could also say since "we" are splitting the tab, "you'll" be pitching in a third?

 

[neil_w]

Ok, next time it happens I'm asking the server, after finishing the tipping process so they won't wonder if their tip depends on their answer. Enquiring minds want to know!

*Or*, you can just let it slide, and avoid putting your server on the spot by asking them a question for which they probably have no answer.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

When I was a kid and used to say “we” in a way that would necessarily involve her, as in, “We should go to the store and buy some ice cream.” My mom used to say, “What’s this we crap? You got a frog in your pocket?”

 

[MALBAR 70]

When I was a kid and used to say “we” in a way that would necessarily involve her, as in, “We should go to the store and buy some ice cream.” My mom used to say, “What’s this we crap? You got a frog in your pocket?”

Mine did too!!! Only it was a mouse.

 

[rharshberger]

When I was a kid and used to say “we” in a way that would necessarily involve her, as in, “We should go to the store and buy some ice cream.” My mom used to say, “What’s this we crap? You got a frog in your pocket?”

or a French Mouse...oui!

 

[rcktnut]

I think "what would WE like, what will WE be having" etc. is an appropriate question from the waitress to someone that just said WE would like to order now.

 

[Steven]

I put my pant on one leg at a time. Now I have to find the other leg.

 

[Cape Byron]

I recall hearing servers use "we" since I can remember going to restaurants as a kit.

You know you're serious about model rockets when you went to a restaurant when you were still a kit...

 

[tsmith1315]

You know you're serious about model rockets when you went to a restaurant when you were still a kit...

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

As we and you are both free of gender connotations, probably not.

There are the little-know gender specific forms of “we” for a group of men or a group of women. The subjective pronouns are “whee“ and “swee”, objective pronouns are “whim” and “whir”, and possessive are “whiz” and “whirs”.

For example, “Whee want y‘all to bring whim whiz drinks immediately.”

 

[SDramstad]

"We" doesnt bother me. But one time the manager seated my wife and I and then said "Today your servers name is Shannon" I couldnt help but ask him what they called her yesterday......

 

[boatgeek]

A story from years ago when I had long hair. My wife and I had just sat down at our table in a restaurant. The waiter walked up behind me and asked, “What would you ladies like today?” Then turned bright red when he noticed that I wasn’t a lady. We got great service for the rest of the meal.

 

[kyle]

A: It's been happening for decades, you've only recently noticed because everyone is sensitive about everything lately.

B: As someone said earlier, "We are ready to order now" "Okay, what would we like?"

C: Would you prefer "Hey old guy, what's your last meal request, 'cause this "food" ain't exactly life prolonging?" (Since all restaurant food is overly fatted and salted for flavor)

 

[prfesser]

I would assume that the waiter/waitress is saying it for the team. The whole restaurant staff. "We" want you to be satisfied and happy.

 

[Steven]

"I Are The World."

 

[b.wieting]

My place of employment is requiring that we place our preferred pronoun on our email signature. I told my manager I will do so eventually. My preferred will be "It."

50 years ago my college buddy, asked to identify his ethnicity, didn’t like the choices (“Caucasian”?), so he wrote in “Gaelic”. He caught a bit of grief.

 

[augendoc]

As Mark Twain supposedly said, ””We” should be reserved for royalty and people with tapeworms.”

 

[tsmmiller]

50 years ago my college buddy, asked to identify his ethnicity, didn’t like the choices (“Caucasian”?), so he wrote in “Gaelic”. He caught a bit of grief.

That’s an option. My response is ”Human”.

 

[ZEDL1]

I agree fully with you Marc.
That approach if received by myself and my wife while dining together would be met with a response, very politely but very directly given to the server, that he or she would not forget, for that evening at a minimum. It would generally come from me as I most often, but not always, the vocal one. She can hold her own very well, but I usually get to places like this first. Hopefully, it would cease his or her use of that method of communication with paying customers. My wife is not a "we" unless she and I are talking about something together, but no third party will use that term with us.

 

[GlenP]

Reminds me of something Bill Lumbergh would be instructing all his employees to do....

View attachment 513641

Makes me wonder if the waitress had the just the minimum fifteen pieces of flair?

 

[TomBroad]

I doubt that’s it, but it gives me an idea. My pronouns from now on are going to be “we/us/ours”.

That's great -- I may just need to start using "we/us/ours" !!!

 

[Banzai88]

Doubtful. Hugh has been climbing the corporate ladder.

View attachment 513668

Spoiler alert......Hugh didn't make it past Season 1 of Picard.

"We" were not surprised.

 

[ThirstyBarbarian]

I agree fully with you Marc.
That approach if received by myself and my wife while dining together would be met with a response, very politely but very directly given to the server, that he or she would not forget, for that evening at a minimum. It would generally come from me as I most often, but not always, the vocal one. She can hold her own very well, but I usually get to places like this first. Hopefully, it would cease his or her use of that method of communication with paying customers. My wife is not a "we" unless she and I are talking about something together, but no third party will use that term with us.

During this conversation, would you mention a very particular set of skills?