Planted some chillis, a sweet leaf bush, and a mulberry bush.
I can’t replace her. Mia had special things that she did that I have never seen in a cat ever before. She would do the most unbelievable things. I can’t list them all because of too much writing but I will never have that again or would want to. It was her thing and it wouldn’t be fair to another cat because I would be expecting one to be like her, impossible. She was beyond smart and knowing she was there when I was sick wouldn’t be the same.My heart is breaking reading your posts. "Sorry" doesn't cover your loss.
I pray that if you come through, you'll consider rescuing another little one. There are so many needing our love.
Please don't give up.
I wouldn't begin to suggest that you could replace her. I'll never replace all the animals that have touched my life so deeply.I can’t replace her. Mia had special things that she did that I have never seen in a cat ever before. She would do the most unbelievable things. I can’t list them all because of too much writing but I will never have that again or would want to. It was her thing and it wouldn’t be fair to another cat because I would be expecting one to be like her, impossible. She was beyond smart and knowing she was there when I was sick wouldn’t be the same.
You get use to 18 years of having something and you know what to expect every time and that’s gone. Most cats sleep on an average of about 20 hours a day. Not her. She was up most of the time with me and took afternoon naps but the rest of the day she hung around me. Did you ever see a cat that loved trains under the Christmas tree? When I stopped them for the night she would mope and look at me to run them again. The next night she would stair at them then me to run them and when I did she got excited. It’s to heart braking for me to even think about it now.
18 years is a long time for her but to short for me. Her last morning being alive she was so weak from not eating in a few days and couldn’t stand. She was not in pain. I was on the floor petting her keeping her comfortable and when I walked away as weak as she was she found enough strength to turn herself around to watch me. If she could have walked she would have followed me like she always did. Knowing she couldn’t hit home. I will always remember her look at me that morning not sure what was happening to herself. I just remember looking into her eyes that last morning and it hurts to remember that. She looked at me as if she was looking for help. I will never have this or have the feeling I had with Mia and her with I ever again. She was one of a kind. She was Gods special gift to me.
I should have giver her one more chance. She surprised the vets twice in 8 years and she could have given them one more surprise. If I had put her carrier back on that exam table like I did many other times she would have went back into it knowing she was going home. She didn’t know what was about to happen to her that she wasn’t going home with me anymore. That still upsets me everyday. I should have told the vet give her another shot of fluid under her skin and see what will happen.I wouldn't begin to suggest that you could replace her. I'll never replace all the animals that have touched my life so deeply.
I'm just hoping that you will eventually recover from your loss and let a different little one come into your life. You might just be the one human that one is searching for.
Please don't talk like that, like anyone would be relieved that you die. No one wants you to die just so we don't see Mia posts. As long as it helps you to write these, keep writing them.I know people reading this might be getting a little annoyed with me but if my cancer is back, we’ll you can be relieved from this stuff.
I have no one to talk to about it. My wife is like she was getting old and she’s gone now, time to move on. Some people take it better than others. My wife felt it for a few weeks not seeing Mia in the mornings to fed her breakfast. My wife said she’s gone and is in a better place. YEA where’s that? It’s not here. Where is she now?Please don't talk like that, like anyone would be relieved that you die. No one wants you to die just so we don't see Mia posts. As long as it helps you to write these, keep writing them.
As for the cancer, please don't give up on yourself. It's a tired cliché to say "you have so much to live for," and I know you don't feel like you do. But the thing is, there are things, you don't see them now, and you can find them if you'd only let yourself.
You've said you plan to see a phych doctor next month, once Medicare kicks in. You'll probably start on an antidepressant, most likely an SSRI like Lexapro or Zoloft (but I'm no doctor, so don't set your expectations by my guesses). Those medicines can make a huge difference, but you need to be receptive to that help. Please, have faith that there is a possibility of things looking up, even if you can't see that possibility now. Don't block yourself off from help (chemical or otherwise). Don't refuse improvement when it comes knocking. Which it will.
A while ago you were asking for hope that she was in a better place. I sent some to you in PM. Where is this attitude coming from now?My wife said she’s gone and is in a better place. YEA where’s that? It’s not here. Where is she now?
This is a completely unfair characterization and is clearly sheer bitterness talking. Someone I was close to needed counseling, and it helped them immensely. Do not discount it until you have tried it. These people absolutely can and will help you.Now waiting for Medicare to talk to a stranger that didn’t know Mia or myself but for money you have to paint a picture for them just to tell me something I already know.
Death comes for us all, and "ready" doesn't enter into it. That's how life in this fallen world is. I wasn't ready either to see my grandmother die, or before that, the German teacher in high school that I really liked. Nothing in this world is permanent and being able to let go of things and people and deal with loss in a healthy way is a vital life skill. Again, a counselor can help you with that.Why dose it have to be this way? Death is so permanent not seeing her anymore just In images and memories is not what wanted. I wasn’t ready neither was Mia.
With all due respect, I don't think that's true. Blaming yourself isn't why you can't move on, blaming yourself is because you can't move on. You're stuck, and groundless self-blame is where you're stuck. I think, as a completely lay observer, that why you can't move on is at least in part neurochemical. Which is good, because that means it can be treated.I just keep thinking I let her down and that is one of the reasons why I can’t move on.
That's harder. Because maybe you're right that it would have been better to stay. Not that you could have saved her; you couldn't. Maybe you could have been a comfort to her. And that's a real, undeniable, legitimate regret. Regret, too, is something that we can learn to accept, learn to forgive ourselves, and learn to move on. Not forget, not stop regretting, but stop berating yourself. Like the loss, it's not something you'll ever get over, but it's something you can, eventually, live with.Thats twice I made two mistakes in the same day and now I am blaming myself for leaving her twice. I was her friend and I should have been there for her. When you tell a friend you will always be there for them then you better keep your word to them. I didn’t and I let her down. Some friend I supposed to be.
Built a roof rack over the weekend with parts from tnutz.com. Still need to build the front faring for noise reduction. As a bonus though, if you stand the vehicle on it back end you have not one but two launch rails!
Ken
Yes I am really holding on to this because I feel like I abandoned her when she needed me the most. Like I had said I worry to much about what other people around me might say or think. Well that’s not going to happen anymore. She need me that day. As a friend, friends supposed to be there for each other and that day I wasn’t now it’s to late. I was mad at my wife and Im still mad at her for this. Like I told her if someone is having a heart attack you don’t say we’re going out for a little while and we will be back to check in on you later. WRONG!!! You get them help! Mia needed my help and my comfort and I wasn’t there as I always promised her. It’s not like you get a do over. It’s a one shot deal and I feel like I failed her that day not once but twice. This is why I feel like I want to give up. I loved Mia and I still do but I hate myself. Everything now has no more meaning without her. My everyday things I use to love to do I just don’t care about anymore. Like my rocket hobby. One day I just wanted to go in that room and smash every kit I have. The fun times and good times are gone forever with Mia. A lot of people in here has really tried to help me but it hurts not having her knowing I will never see Mia again or pet her or look into her eyes or even play when she wanted to.With all due respect, I don't think that's true. Blaming yourself isn't why you can't move on, blaming yourself is because you can't move on. You're stuck, and groundless self-blame is where you're stuck. I think, as a completely lay observer, that why you can't move on is at least in part neurochemical. Which is good, because that means it can be treated.
That's harder. Because maybe you're right that it would have been better to stay. Not that you could have saved her; you couldn't. Maybe you could have been a comfort to her. And that's a real, undeniable, legitimate regret. Regret, too, is something that we can learn to accept, learn to forgive ourselves, and learn to move on. Not forget, not stop regretting, but stop berating yourself. Like the loss, it's not something you'll ever get over, but it's something you can, eventually, live with.
Get the counselling. See a psychiatrist (who may or may not prescribe as I've guessed). Allow yourself to get better.
Yes I am really holding on to this because I feel like I abandoned her when she needed me the most. Like I had said I worry to much about what other people around me might say or think. Well that’s not going to happen anymore. She need me that day. As a friend, friends supposed to be there for each other and that day I wasn’t now it’s to late. I was mad at my wife and Im still mad at her for this. Like I told her if someone is having a heart attack you don’t say we’re going out for a little while and we will be back to check in on you later. WRONG!!! You get them help! Mia needed my help and my comfort and I wasn’t there as I always promised her. It’s not like you get a do over. It’s a one shot deal and I feel like I failed her that day not once but twice. This is why I feel like I want to give up. I loved Mia and I still do but I hate myself. Everything now has no more meaning without her. My everyday things I use to love to do I just don’t care about anymore. Like my rocket hobby. One day I just wanted to go in that room and smash every kit I have. The fun times and good times are gone forever with Mia. A lot of people in here has really tried to help me but it hurts not having her knowing I will never see Mia again or pet her or look into her eyes or even play when she wanted to.
I tried to talk myself into moving on like she was getting old or she wasn’t going to pull out of that stroke. I tried to think about reality with her but when I walk past that bedroom and I see the small amount of sun shining on that bed she’s not there laying in it. That’s becomes my reality.
agree+1Those statements are exact quotes from above, and they are also, virtually word for word, some of the symptoms of major depression. Three others are unshakable circling on negative thoughts such as "It's all my fault", loss of appetite, and suicidal ideation (even without intent). All of that is you to a tee.
- "I feel like I want to give up."
- "I hate myself."
- "Everything now has no more meaning."
- "My everyday things I use to love to do I just don’t care about anymore."
- "The fun times and good times are gone forever."
- "Yes I am really holding on to this."
You Are In Danger!PLEASE, get medical help. This is way beyond grieving, and the help you need is beyond grief counselling. (Grief counselling is probably a big part of a thorough treatment plan.) I feel like I should forward these messages to the social services department where you live so they will send someone to see you, even though that may be overstepping what's my business and is probably not really a practical possibility anyway.
Spent most of the day looking for a variable frequency drive for the optical coating unit I am completing at work. Not much space in the control cabinet left, so I am really scratching to find something that will fit. Found a few extra millimeters this afternoon, so I have an option or two to choose from now. Not entirely inexpensive with the smaller footprints though.
I’m not myself anymore. I use to come in here reading the posts about rocketry and the neat techniques people come up with. Now I sit typing about my loss and struggle with the death of my friend and companion. The fall is coming and the leaves will be falling from the trees letting more sun in that back bedroom. Mia loved laying in the sun for its warmth and was comfortable. The sun is still there around 5 o’clock but she’s not.Those statements are exact quotes from above, and they are also, virtually word for word, some of the symptoms of major depression. Three others are unshakable circling on negative thoughts such as "It's all my fault", loss of appetite, and suicidal ideation (even without intent). All of that is you to a tee.
- "I feel like I want to give up."
- "I hate myself."
- "Everything now has no more meaning."
- "My everyday things I use to love to do I just don’t care about anymore."
- "The fun times and good times are gone forever."
- "Yes I am really holding on to this."
You Are In Danger!PLEASE, get medical help. This is way beyond grieving, and the help you need is beyond grief counselling. (Grief counselling is probably a big part of a thorough treatment plan.) I feel like I should forward these messages to the social services department where you live so they will send someone to see you, even though that may be overstepping what's my business and is probably not really a practical possibility anyway.
That's... really odd. Have they told you "No we won't sell to you", or are they just not responding to orders? Have they told you why? I can't imagine a business turning away sales because the customer is depressed over a loss.Bad Boy Rocketry won’t even sell to me anymore.
https://www.rocketryforum.com/threads/has-anyone-purchase-from-bad-boy-rocketry.181996/That's... really odd. Have they told you "No we won't sell to you", or are they just not responding to orders? Have they told you why? I can't imagine a business turning away sales because the customer is depressed over a loss.
Waiting for news on Younger Daughter's surgery, she went in an hour or so ago. Thank the FSM she isn't getting the Whipple procedure [which would have meant removal of gall bladder, part of stomach, part or all of pancreas(!!), duodenum; six hours of surgery and months of recovery]. Instead they're removing the gall bladder and doing some internal plumbing, rerouting ducts and what-have-you. Should be in the hospital a couple of days, plus recovery at home for a couple of weeks.
Geniece is there in St. Louis right now. I have a Dr appt tomorrow in Paducah and will head up after that so G can return to work Friday or Saturday. Tag-team nursing care.
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