looking for some entertaining quotes

[Neil]

Those are pretty good... Howabout...

When something turns out less than perfect....

"A blind man would be tickled pink to see that!"

And when something doesnet NEED to be perfect...

"we aint buildin a piano!"

Both quotes from my grandfather.

And from a semi-distant relative about 130 years ago...

"her aint a callin we, us dont belong to she!"

A sentence with nothing at all gramatically correct. That kid had too much time on his hands 130 years ago...

 

[jrogers]

"What, behind the rabbit?"

"IT is the rabbit"



Joel
77267
9848
L3

 

[Steward]

"I'd like to be Half the person my Cat thinks he is"...!!!

 

[sandman]

Occationally I have to do some sales in my business and have to convince "theater people" that there are other product on this planet other than what they learned on in college.

Apparently one of the things you learn in college is that if it wasn't taught in college it must be wrong.

When it seems to me that I am about to hit a brick wall I think,

"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and pisses off the pig."

sandman

 

[Neil]

"help help, im bein repressed" -monty python and the Holy Grail

"strange women lying in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government!" -Monty Python, again

"if I went around callin myself king just cause a watery tart threw a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!" -Monty Python, AGAIN

"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelled of elderberrys!" -same

"with big, sharp pointy teeth!" -same

"'Drop dead, you #@# hole!' 'Unable to comply with command" -Terminator 3. Terminators cant die, ya see...

"You need a new vehicle." -Terminator 3, after the Terminator (ahnold) drives a car under a tractor trailer to escape from the bad Terminator, taking off the whole top of the car.

"the BCMA had rocket-attacked the coal company" -Rocket Boys

Well, thats all I can think of right now for movie-quotes... Im sure you guys have more.

 

[kelltym88]

"How can somebody who's afraid of the water live on an island?

It's only an island if you look at it from the water"--- Jaws


"Here's to swimmin' with bo-legged women"-- same

 

[kelltym88]

"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and pisses off the pig." originally quoted by sandman.


LOL That's hilarious!! I'm gonna use that one.

 

[Steward]

"Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection..."

 

[illini]

Originally posted by Steward
"Mathematicians are unable to make the connection..."

Not a quote, but a variation on a familiar joke that was popular in engineering grad school:

Two guys are in a balloon floating over a field when they realize they're lost.
They spot a guy below them on a bicycle, so shout down and ask "Where are we?"
The guy on the bike thinks for awhile, then looks up and shouts "You're in a balloon!"
The first guy looks at the second and exclaims, "That guy is a Mathematician!"
Second guy: "Why do you say that?"
First guy: "Because we gave him a problem. He thought about. Gave us an exact solution...which is of absolutely no use to anybody!"

 

[jflis]

From a friend (s/w engineer) that I worked with: "Don't comment code. If it was tough to write, it should be tough to read"...

One of my favs that I had hanging in my office when I worked tech-support: "At no time while I am working on your problem, will your problem become my problem. Because is your problem becomes my problem then that means that YOU don't have a problem, and I can't help somebody who doesn't have a problem"...

Another from my old office that I just loved:
"It's not my job to run the train, the whistle I can't blow.
It's not my job to say how far the train's allowed to go.
It's not my job to blow off steam, nor even clang the bell.
But let the d*amn thing jump the track, and see how catches he||"

ahhh, the good ol' days

 

[loopy]

One of them I've seen in a sig file here:

"There are 10 types of people in this world - those that can do binary, and those that can't."

Other random fav's:

"Enough of that horse - it's dead."

"Hello! I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father...prepare to die."

Last words heard on a jetliner..."Hey, whats a mountain goat doing way up here in a cloud bank?"

 

[Stewart32]

for the indecisive....

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

vocals by Geddy Lee
lyrics: probably Neil Perrit

 

[dr wogz]

"Close only counts with horseshoes, hand grenades, and women...

"Wow, I wish I had said that!!!"
"Don't worry, you will..."

If you love soemthing, set it free.
If it returns, it is yours to love.
If not, hunt it down, and kill it!!

It's hard to soar with the eagles, when you're stuck with a bunch of turkeys!

"I will be away tommorow. The weather is doubtful, and my it is my wife's brithday." Rommel to Hitler and the troops, June 5th, 1944

Everyone shoudl beleive in something. I beleive I will have another beer!

 

[arthur dent]

" im like a pig pulling a cart load of sausages,im drawing my own conclusion"


Julian Cope.

 

[Fore Check]

"P.E.T.A. - People Eating Tasty Animals"

"If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them taste like meat?"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian."

 

[Neil]

"you have 6 fingers on your right hand. Someone is looking for you... *CLUNK*" -The Princess Bride

"you do not happen to have 6 fingers on your right hand?" "do you always start conversations this way!?" -Same


"The Black Knight always triumphs!" -Monty Python

"Yellow, NO! BLUE!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!" -Monty Python

"And Sir he who is not apearing in this film" -Monty Python

Canya tell I am a big Monty Python fan?

"Hes not the Messia, he a VERY NAUGTY BOY!" Monty Python's Life of Brian

"IM NOT THE MESSIAH!!!" "yes you are." "No im not!" "I should know, ive followed a few!" -same

"Always look on the briiight siide of life!" -same

"The Judeans peoples front suicide squad! Im SAVEddd... Oh no... (rescue squad all commit suicide)" -same


"What have the Romans ever done for us!?!?" "the aquaduct" "the colloseum" "the roads" "education" "OK, OK! APART from the aquaduct, the collosuem, the roads, and the education, WHAT HAVE THE ROMANS EVER DONE FOR US, HUH!?" "RIGHT!!!!" -Same

 

[jflis]

From "That 70's Show", the father looking at a salad his wife put infront of him as an effort to get him to eat better...

"*This* isn't food! *This* is what food eats!"

i love it LOL

 

[Bobrogg]

From Dispair.com

"Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots"

 

[cydermaster]

"Meat is Murder" - The Smiths

"Oh - Little bit of politics" - Ben Elton

 

[gothique_97]

"A one-armed man was arrested today at City Park when police received complaints from other boaters that he was continuously rowing in a circle."

- George Carlin, doing one of his many 'newsreader' bits

 

[hokkyokusei]

Some of my favourite sigs:

"If this is the 21st century, then where's my personal jetpack?"

"Was Araldite the Greek Goddess of sticky things?"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked in to jet engines"

 

[huxley]

Black holes are where God divided by zeros

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Nothing is foolproof to a suffiiently talented fool

Pat <- LOVES Monty Python!

How 'bout the Flying circus episode (#16) with:

"Good evening. Tonight on 'It's the Mind' we examine the phenomenon of Deja-Vu. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before..."

"Good evening. Tonight on 'It's the Mind' we ex..am..ine the phen..omen..on of Deja-Vu. That STRANGE feel..ing we some...times get th..at we've liv...ed through some..thing be...fore... AHHHHH"

 

[cydermaster]

As we're quoting films:

"I am your father!" - D. Vader (Empire Strikes Back)

"You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" - Michael Caine (the Italian Job)

...into the relms of TV:

"When you're younger, you can eat what you like, drink what you like, and still climb into your 26" waist trousers and zip them closed... Then you reach that age, 24 - 25, your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag, and then, without any warning at all, you're suddenly a fat b******!" - Arnold Judas Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

"This is Basil's wife. This is Basil. This is a smack in the head." - Basil Fawlty (Fawlty Towers)

"A PINT!?! - That's nearly an arm full!" - Tony Hancock (The Blood Doner)

 

[Bill]

Originally posted by Steward
"Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection..."

Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice a big as it needs to be.


Bill

 

[rabidsheeep]

"theve got us surrounded again, the poor bastards" -- Soldier in the 4th army, not sure if he was or wasn't part of the 761st Armored

"god i hope this works, and if it doesn't, i hope i still can afterwards"

oh, and just "shoot first ask questions later"... my easy way out of teamkilling in BF1942 lol

 

[Len B]

"... and at no time should your fingers leave your hands" - My machine shop teacher while demonstrating the use of a metal lathe.

"non illegitimi carborundum" (Don't let the bastards grind you down) - origin unknown, but taught to me by the same teacher.

Len Bryan

 

[kelltym88]

Not really a quote, more like a joke, but I'm quoting the person who told me....

How do you catch a polar bear?......
You cut a hole in the ice and then put peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a "pea", you kick him in the "ice hole."

 

[slim_t]

From some movie:
Q: "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?"
A: "I don't know and I don't care."

From my 80-something year old grandmother after seeing something shocking:
"I liked to fell through my butt and hung myself."


Tim

 

[jflis]

One that was just shot back at me...

when I commented "you're driving me CRAZY!" I got the response "I've got news for you, it isn't a drive, it's just a short walk..."
LOL

 

[WiK]

"To alcahol! The cause of, and soloution to all of lifes problems." Homer Simpson

"Sir, your drunk!"
"And your ugly, but when I wake up in the morning, I'll be sober." Churchill