- "I feel like I want to give up."
- "I hate myself."
- "Everything now has no more meaning."
- "My everyday things I use to love to do I just don’t care about anymore."
- "The fun times and good times are gone forever."
- "Yes I am really holding on to this."
Those statements are exact quotes from above, and they are also, virtually word for word, some of the symptoms of major depression. Three others are unshakable circling on negative thoughts such as "It's all my fault", loss of appetite, and suicidal ideation (even without intent). All of that is you to a tee.
You Are In Danger!
PLEASE, get medical help. This is way beyond grieving, and the help you need is beyond grief counselling. (Grief counselling is probably a big
part of a thorough treatment plan.) I feel like I should forward these messages to the social services department where you live so they will send someone to see you, even though that may be overstepping what's my business and is probably not really a practical possibility anyway.