List your regrets in life

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Listening to my parents about what they wanted me to do in college. I wanted to be an American history teacher. They said no don't do it. So I didn't. Getting married to my girlfriend from high school. I dated her for seven years. I told her before I proposed to take me as I was and I wasn't going to change. She divorced me after 6 months. Said I partied too much. But I was young and stupid. I was 21 and she was 20. Second time around. We've been married 42 years. Drinking too much.
 
I wish I had taken more pictures with my friends. A lot of young women will take pictures whenever they find themselves in front of a mirror, but I and most other guys I know will save the camera for big occasions, life accomplishments, the like, just as it was in the days of Kodak disposables. With so much storage space, being that sparing is hardly necessary now.

Let’s work on changing that. Make it a mission objective to grab a group selfie when there’s a quiet moment, a break for lunch, or somebody looking/acting ridiculous. Cough up a few bucks a month for photo backup and get prints of the best ones.
 
Listen to the first Mrs. She told me for several years we needed help. I didn’t see it nor feel I needed it.
I was wrong on both counts. The big D was devastating for me. I continued to work, but was homeless for the better part of two years.
Don‘t get me wrong, I wouldn‘t give up my current Mrs or 9 YO son for the world.
I still regret that I was not permitted to see my first three children grow up.
 
Ok. Here you go. This is from 82 or 3. I'm the one in the middle with the spoon hanging from my nose My wife and a friend of ours that my wife worked with. The other guy in the picture was my best man. He taught me how to light farts. I'm about Resized_20190704_083001_253[4050].jpg23 in the picture. We lived in Idaho and my wife was stationed at Mtn Home AFB. So that's why the mountain man look.
 
teepot said:
Ok. Here you go. This is from 82 or 3. I'm the one in the middle with the spoon hanging from my nose My wife and a friend of ours that my wife worked with. The other guy in the picture was my best man. He taught me how to light farts. I'm about View attachment 62529823 in the picture. We lived in Idaho and my wife was stationed at Mtn Home AFB. So that's why the mountain man look.
Click to expand...
That is an excellent photo and I’m glad you have it.
 
Regrets are measured from what you did in the past and what you have learned from them in the present. Having a better understanding ran over any kind of past lingering issues which were insignificant at their worst. I've come out the better for it. That's turning a frown upside down.
 
My biggest regret transformed into a turning point in my life that I can now look back and appreciate. Years ago now, my first wife continually told me that she loved me, wanted to grow old with me, that she loved the flowers I would send to her at work, etc. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, she said she no longer wanted to be married to me. No further discussion, no couples therapy, no "let's wait and see," she refused to entertain any of that. From my perspective, I was married one day and moving out the next. I found out through contacts that she had run off with someone else. As I found out more, I discovered that while she was telling me that she loved me and wanted to grow old with me that she was actually, even then, having a "side thing" with this same guy. The evidence pointed back years, to before we were even married. None of it made any sense. Though I went through a period of deep depression, and saw a therapist for at least 2 years, I came out on the other side of it a new person. I made new friends and did things that I had never done before. Within a year I met my current wife and we're still together 20 years later. Though I regret the first marriage, it did help make me who I am today, which is, I hope, a much better and stronger person overall. I don't know if I would have gone through that transformation without having that horrible experience. At the risk of sounding a little cheesy, it almost feels now like I suffered for a greater gain. I don't know. I certainly wouldn't marry my first wife again (I don't even know if she's dead or alive at this point, honestly), but do I regret it given the outcome? Hmmm.
 
I would of just made different mistakes, the ones I did make brought me to where I am, and I am happy.

That said, sold a totally stock mint 240sx 5 speed to buy a van for my wife, sold mint miata ls 5spd again to replace van for my wife, now she has a 4runner. Lol

Alcohol is my main regret, it worked great untill it turned and almost killed me. I wouldn't of found what I have now without it, I had to much arrogance and pride, alcohol beat that out of me. Lol
 
I'm of the belief that all the bumps and forks in the road have led me to where I am now, and I'm pretty happy with that place.
In hindsight, there were a couple of "missed signals" from some ladies in my distant past, but all things considered, that may have been for the best.
 
I don't have major regrets. I have managed to do quite a few interesting things and met some interesting people despite being an introverted nerd from the midwest. My scars have good stories and learning from mistakes shapes who you are.

I do regret not buying bitcoin when I first heard about it when it was a few dollars a coin. I thought it was only good for buying drugs on the internet, I wish I had thrown $50 at a dozen coins.

My biggest real regret is being too cool to wear earplugs at concerts when I was a teenager. I didn't start using them until my ears bled after a show and then some damage was already done.
 
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-I've been in two serious relationships. The second one I married. There was a year or so at the end of my first relationship where it was obviously going downhill, but I wasted time and effort trying to keep it going. Had I moved on sooner, I could have met my wife sooner, probably been much happier that year, and probably could have gotten into the Antares program when it was first getting started rather than moving west to be with my first girlfriend.

-Not realizing what a terrible financial albatross student loan payments are. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have just gone to UW Madison and majored in Mechanical Engineering, instead of spending 2-3 times more to go to Purdue. I doubt it would have made much of a difference to my career.

-Falling away from the Church and not practicing from my high school years until 2018.

-Couple of other things that I would prefer to keep private.
 
I have a lot of regrets, too many to start to list here. Some are large and some are small. I look back sometimes and thing "if only I ..." or "why didn't I ..." but I've also realized a couple of things. Looking back and trying to second guess things is a waste of time. I could have made a different decision back then but the outcome may not have been good. Also I could have made a different decision such as college major, what job to take, things like that but it may not have been within my power to make those things work. I have not had a bad life and I can't say that I would be any better off today if I had made different choices back then. I try to always remember that and be thankful for where I am today.

Let me give an analogy as a example- I spend a lot of time researching things I intend to buy. But I have a rule that once I have made up my mind and bought something I stop the shopping and comparing and go forth 100% with my decision, never second guessing things.
 
My biggest regret in life EVER was listening to the vet on June 16th say (or we could say its time). It wasn’t her time to go. Being in shock and couldn’t speak up letting this happen was the worst decision I have ever let someone do. The vet was wrong. We could of saved her. Knowing what I know now about her condition was a mistake. Now My life will never be the same without her. I’m now suffering from deep depression. Making a decision of taking a life of a best friend and my little partner in life knowing afterwards it was wrong and a regret that I can’t live with.
 
A hospice nurse wrote book about the top 5 regrets of the dying: https://bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/

All text that follows is from the website in the link:

"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."
 
flyingeagle said:
My biggest regret in life EVER was listening to the vet on June 16th say (or we could say its time). It wasn’t her time to go. Being in shock and couldn’t speak up letting this happen was the worst decision I have ever let someone do. The vet was wrong. We could of saved her. Knowing what I know now about her condition was a mistake. Now My life will never be the same without her. I’m now suffering from deep depression. Making a decision of taking a life of a best friend and my little partner in life knowing afterwards it was wrong and a regret that I can’t live with.
Click to expand...

You should forgive yourself for that one. That‘s a if-I-knew-then-what-I-know-now mistake, and you should not blame yourself for those kinds of mistakes, because you didn‘t know then what you know now, and you relied on the advice of an expert. It’s ok to be sad and regret the outcome, but it sounded like you feel guilty, and that’s not fair to yourself.
 

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