Necessity is the mother of invention....
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- Thread starter Green Jello
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Yep. Been there, done that...
One of two. Just one of two.
lakeroadster
When in doubt... build hell-for-stout!
lakeroadster
When in doubt... build hell-for-stout!
I had a neighbor that didn't like us. They did this to my truck once. Funny thing is, since I was already going deaf at the time, it didn't bother me all that much and may have bothered them more since they had to listen to me twice a day.
lakeroadster
When in doubt... build hell-for-stout!
Inexcusable. Messing with other folks' vehicles is criminal.
I worked with a guy, Ronnie, who's neighbor kept letting the air out of Ronnie's truck tires. Ronnie waited one evening for the neighbor, baseball bat in hand. The neighbor went to the hospital, Ronnie went to jail. Ronnie said it was worth it. Folks should keep that in mind.
Ya just never know who you're really dealing with.
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A famous Gilbert Gottfried joke.
Same folks had an issue with us occasionally parking in "their spot" on the street, which happened to be in front of our yard. One day all four of my tires were flat. Obviously not an accident, but it didn't inconvenience me much. I checked and quickly found that the stem cores had been loosened so there was no permanent damage done. I had a core wrench and a compressor, so I tightened them up, refilled with air, and I was on my way in 15 minutes or so. I never said a word to them, though we did call the cops. Cops didn't do anything since there was no evidence of who had done it. In any case, they never did anything to our vehicles again. As it turned out, we *sort of* made friends with them and they became decent neighbors.
boomtube-mk2
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Back in the Mid-'80's I was touring Alaska, Juneau included, and the coyote issue was front and center.
Coyotes are not native to Alaska, but somebody had brought a bunch up there and released them into the wilds where they became a serious ecological concern.
The mood amongst the rural population was such that if that person/s was ever found they likely would have been chopped-up and used for fish bait.
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RocketGeekInFL
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RocketGeekInFL
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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
Fred and Ray walk to the corner store for some liquor...
Once inside the store, they discover that they only have a buck fifty between the two of them.
Ray says, 'hold on, I’ve got an idea', and goes next door to the butcher shop and comes back with a polish sausage. 'here Fred, stick this in your pants, I know how we can drink all night for free'.
"What the hell, Ray?, Now we don't have any money".
"Don't worry, we'll go to the bar, order some drinks and when the bartender asks us to pay the tab, you stand up, unzip your fly, pull out the sausage and I'll start sucking on it".
The two walk to the nearest bar, sit down and order two beers and two shots of whiskey. They down the drinks and order another round, drink those and order another. After the third round the bartender asks them to pay up. With that, Fred stands up, unzips his fly and Ray leaned over and proceeded to suck sausage.
"What the f**k are you doing? Get the hell out of my bar!" says the bartender, the two run out laughing.
"That was great, and it didn't cost us a cent," says Fred. "Let's do it again!"
So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night.
At the end of the night, after about the 12th bar, Ray says, "Man, I'm starving. All that beer made me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."
"Sausage?" says Fred. "hell, I ate that four bars ago!"
Once inside the store, they discover that they only have a buck fifty between the two of them.
Ray says, 'hold on, I’ve got an idea', and goes next door to the butcher shop and comes back with a polish sausage. 'here Fred, stick this in your pants, I know how we can drink all night for free'.
"What the hell, Ray?, Now we don't have any money".
"Don't worry, we'll go to the bar, order some drinks and when the bartender asks us to pay the tab, you stand up, unzip your fly, pull out the sausage and I'll start sucking on it".
The two walk to the nearest bar, sit down and order two beers and two shots of whiskey. They down the drinks and order another round, drink those and order another. After the third round the bartender asks them to pay up. With that, Fred stands up, unzips his fly and Ray leaned over and proceeded to suck sausage.
"What the f**k are you doing? Get the hell out of my bar!" says the bartender, the two run out laughing.
"That was great, and it didn't cost us a cent," says Fred. "Let's do it again!"
So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night.
At the end of the night, after about the 12th bar, Ray says, "Man, I'm starving. All that beer made me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."
"Sausage?" says Fred. "hell, I ate that four bars ago!"
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant.
'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant.
'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by msitake...
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
lakeroadster
When in doubt... build hell-for-stout!
Exorcism by kindness? You're a much kinder man the me. Kudos to you sir.
MadRocketer
Determined to do it differently
Is this clever packaging or a disaster waiting to happen?
lakeroadster
When in doubt... build hell-for-stout!
Did I just drink acetone?
