Advice for the Young

[Michael L]

My son-in-law owns a fairly successful fencing company. He's very meticulous so businesses and high fence ranchers keep him in business. He's meticulous enough that he's about the only contractor I'd let work on my place (and I don't ask for a discount). That said, he was struggling a little with some of his hands. Not the hands that his fingers are connected to, the kind that work for him. So... I gave him a little advice. I'm 63 years into this journey and hopefully I'm capable of some measure of good advice...

(1) If you have expectations for someone to do something like you want it done you should tell them, maybe even write down exactly how you want it done.

(2) When you've done 1, understand that it still may not go exactly like you wanted it to go. Perfection is an illusion.

(3) Some people will follow you to hell and back. If you take too many trips to hell, they'll stop following and you will miss them.

(4) There's more than one way to do some things. In your business that's not really relevant because your customer drives that for you and you hold the primary responsibility for making them happy. In most other things it's true. You'll find that to be really valuable as your boys get older. I would have.

(5) In regards to #4, I won't let sloppy workmanship slide. Not mine, not anyone elses. However, I also don't slap down alternative ideas (anymore). Sometimes people will learn from their mistake and sometimes you'll learn from their success. Vegas odds.

(5a) A long time ago we were putting in a garden. My mom was up visiting and she was "supervising". I was letting the kids put in some onions (might've been potatoes) and they got them about 3/8" out of line. I started griping at them and my mom intervened Sometimes when something "isn't right", I say to myself - "It's just a fking onion".

(6) Don't take your work home (really hard to learn that one). Your family isn't your employee. They are your support. They are your relief from work. An oasis. Be happy that it's there.

(7) You are what you think about. Your thoughts create your experiences and reality. If you think you're having a **** day, it'll be a **** day. You're the only person that can turn that around. A lot of self help books are based around that one sentence.

(8) Words cut like a knife and leave a scar if used incorrectly or too loudly. Be careful with what you say (lord knows I'd take a few things back if I could).

(9) Good intentions will never beat good actions.

 

[tsmmiller]

I would give you 1000 thumbs up if I could. I've never owned my own business but have learned over the years pretty much the same.
#7 is one I've had to work on for much of my life. Many issues with anger. During one such year of counseling one therapist finally hit it home for me.
"You have to remember, no one else is responsible for your anger, only you make you angry. You are responsible for your own emotions, no one else can do that for you."
It has taken time, but I have learned. I wont say I don't get angry any more, but it is rare.

 

[neil_w]

I must say, that was not at all what I was expecting. Nothing to do with Michael, just the general curmudgeonliness of a lot of folks here.

But that was great, a lot of real wisdom. I know some people that would do well to take it to heart, but sadly they're the same folks who believe that *they* are the source of all wisdom, uninterested in any outside input.

Hats off to you sir, and have a great Thanksgiving.

 

[Cape Byron]

(3) Some people will follow you to hell and back. If you take too many trips to hell, they'll stop following and you will miss them.

Amen, brother.

 

[Joekeyo]

Those who are heavily invested will usually do the best job.

 

[Sandy H.]

I would give you 1000 thumbs up if I could. I've never owned my own business but have learned over the years pretty much the same.
#7 is one I've had to work on for much of my life. Many issues with anger. During one such year of counseling one therapist finally hit it home for me.
"You have to remember, no one else is responsible for your anger, only you make you angry. You are responsible for your own emotions, no one else can do that for you."
It has taken time, but I have learned. I wont say I don't get angry any more, but it is rare.

I don't get outwardly angry very often, but I hold in a lot at times. I agree that I'm responsible for my actions, but I'm not sure I know how to deal with 'being responsible for my emotions.'

The last 2 years has been tough on everyone and super tough on certain people. I would like to figure out a way to not be angry at a lot of things that happen that are outside of my control, but after a while, it wears you down.

I'll ponder it a bit, as I'd like to sleep better and generally have a hopeful outlook for a day instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Sandy.

 

[rcktnut]

Should be advice for our politicians too!!

 

[boatgeek]

I saw one a little while ago:

Criticism doesn't make anyone's experience better.

 

[Bill S]

99% of the time, advice is wasted, particularly on the young (they know it all you see, and you are old so you are stupid), so I don't bother to give it anymore unless asked (which is VERY rare).

 

[fyrwrxz]

Everyone's perception of reality is different, based on experiences, circumstances, exposure and reaction.
Not everyone knows the same things, nor has learned the same lessons.
Always ask the next question. Do not blindly accept the first answer. Think critically.
Wisdom does not come with age automatically.
Respect is earned, and most profitable if it's mutual.
90% of experience is participation. 10% is showing up. Or maybe the other way round.
There is no hard work if you can be proud of the results.
Treat everyone as a human being, unless you are training dogs. Then treat them like your girlfriend. Good luck training cats.
Take care of your body, it has to last a life time.
Treat every day as an adventure.
Don't forget to dream.

 

[Antares JS]

The big things that we are going to pass on to our kids are a bit more practical:

-High school is temporary. Don't get caught up in the popularity rat race; it's a waste of time and effort.

-Don't underestimate what an albatross around your neck student debt can be. Think very carefully about what you want to do with a college degree under your belt.

 

[lakeroadster]

My son-in-law owns a fairly successful fencing company. He's very meticulous so businesses and high fence ranchers keep him in business. He's meticulous enough that he's about the only contractor I'd let work on my place (and I don't ask for a discount). That said, he was struggling a little with some of his hands. Not the hands that his fingers are connected to, the kind that work for him. So... I gave him a little advice. I'm 63 years into this journey and hopefully I'm capable of some measure of good advice...

(1) If you have expectations for someone to do something like you want it done you should tell them, maybe even write down exactly how you want it done.

(2) When you've done 1, understand that it still may not go exactly like you wanted it to go. Perfection is an illusion.

(3) Some people will follow you to hell and back. If you take too many trips to hell, they'll stop following and you will miss them.

(4) There's more than one way to do some things. In your business that's not really relevant because your customer drives that for you and you hold the primary responsibility for making them happy. In most other things it's true. You'll find that to be really valuable as your boys get older. I would have.

(5) In regards to #4, I won't let sloppy workmanship slide. Not mine, not anyone elses. However, I also don't slap down alternative ideas (anymore). Sometimes people will learn from their mistake and sometimes you'll learn from their success. Vegas odds.

(5a) A long time ago we were putting in a garden. My mom was up visiting and she was "supervising". I was letting the kids put in some onions (might've been potatoes) and they got them about 3/8" out of line. I started griping at them and my mom intervened Sometimes when something "isn't right", I say to myself - "It's just a fking onion".

(6) Don't take your work home (really hard to learn that one). Your family isn't your employee. They are your support. They are your relief from work. An oasis. Be happy that it's there.

(7) You are what you think about. Your thoughts create your experiences and reality. If you think you're having a **** day, it'll be a **** day. You're the only person that can turn that around. A lot of self help books are based around that one sentence.

(8) Words cut like a knife and leave a scar if used incorrectly or too loudly. Be careful with what you say (lord knows I'd take a few things back if I could).

(9) Good intentions will never beat good actions.

Epic post. While it may be an older thread, it's never too late for a kind gesture. Thanks for taking the time to write this down.

 

[dhbarr]

I don't get outwardly angry very often, but I hold in a lot at times. I agree that I'm responsible for my actions, but I'm not sure I know how to deal with 'being responsible for my emotions.'

The last 2 years has been tough on everyone and super tough on certain people. I would like to figure out a way to not be angry at a lot of things that happen that are outside of my control, but after a while, it wears you down.

I'll ponder it a bit, as I'd like to sleep better and generally have a hopeful outlook for a day instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Sandy.

Learning to tell the difference between feelings and emotions is a new row to hoe for me, since growing up most folks just rebranded anger as not-an-emotion and squeezed a lot of other things into that bucket.