How Long?

[Donnager]

Do you pay for your children's cell phones after they are out of the house?

I've got one kid about 30 and another around 27 and I still pay for theirs, but I'm an odd duck. I have a construction company and those phones are kind of "extra". Thinking about changing this.

Wife will probably veto me.

Edit: or start paying them herself.

 

[Hobie1dog]

Be as generous to your kids as possible while you're still alive and can afford it.

 

[Donnager]

No kidding. I'm probably not changing much, and the wife's veto would probably never occur, because I won't force it. Both my kids are great.

I just wonder if I am encouraging a little freeloading, or if it was common to continue paying for this for them well into adulthood.

Probably not on my top 10 list of life-related concerns. Mostly I was wondering how many were still paying for their adult childrens' phones.

 

[ep29030]

We still do. And they freeload on our Amazon Prime, too.

 

[dr wogz]

Old school here, and have no kids.. but:

How long have the kids been out of the house? Do they pay for their TV cable? Rent? electricity? car? etc? are they in a relationship / married? etc?
- My mum & dad made me 'pay my way' while at home, unless I was in school (I moved out when I was 18.. and in my last year of school)

The phones are part of the business plan? Do the kids work with you / for you? Do you pay for other employee phones?
- I worked for my dad's company for a long while. While the company paid for other people's phones (those who needed them: sales, service tech, VPs, etc..) it was kinda frowned upon [by others] when I got one, "special / family favours".. I was an 'internal office guy'

 

[DragonRocketry]

As long as they are living at home we keep them on our plan. Once they move out they have one year to get their own plan before I cut them off.

 

[asm109]

When they graduated college and got their first real job, we cut them loose.

 

[Antares JS]

If you're on a family plan together, you can always ask them to pay for their "additional line" fee. That's what my parents did for me until I got married and my wife and I got our own plan.

 

[Donnager]

We still do. And they freeload on our Amazon Prime, too.

Thanks. I'm in the same boat.

Our younger one got cut off Netflix because of the different address when he moved. He was actually OK about 150 miles north in a small town, but when he put himself in an adjacent, more popular town with better internet, Netflix closed the door.

But, he freeloads my Prime, as well, based on the prompts I see. I'm sure Amazon will figure this out. I'm not really bothered by it, but, as I said, I was just wondering how common it was.

This just seems to be something I will have to deal with.

My grandfather met almost every problem with a smile and a laugh, I'm doing my best to emulate him.

 

[JimByrne]

It is long past the time to cut then off and force them to grow up and be responsible for themselves.

 

[Steven]

Our kids were paying for their own some time in high school. Same with their car insurance. They were on our insurance but paid their share. They also washed their own clothing as well as taking on additional chores.

 

[Peartree]

Most of ours are still on our plan because it's cheaper but they started paying us their share some time after they started earning a regular full-time paycheck after college. Of course, sometimes they forget, and then drop us a check to catch up the six months they're behind, so we're obviously not cracking the whip or anything. That said, most of them earn quite a bit more per year than I do. We just have fewer debts and more savings.

 

[jmasterj]

I paid for everything as soon as I started my first permanent job at 22. I wouldn't want nor expect my parents to pay for my adult expenses.

I'm not planning on paying for smartphones for my kids ever, so late 20s and out of the house would be right out.

 

[Donnager]

I think I may have to get some forum assistance to push my spouse. Although I think that may be an immovable object.
In my opinion, this is grift. If the kid wants it, and can pay for it, let them. Giving them free stuff for no effort doesn't help them, at all. And they darn sure don't appreciate it when they don't have a personal monetary stake.

When It's something they've always had, they don't realize the cost, or the inconvenience, unless they lose it. Honestly, I think you need to fail and lose some things just so you know what you can have, and what you can't.

Maybe 15-18 years ago, my wife asked me if I could back off my strict nature with the children, because she was concerned I'd never have an adult relationship with them (due to my EXTREMELY low tolerance for silliness). I did.

Best I can tell, being completely nice may have been a bad idea. A productive coaching approach that I've yet to figure out may have been better.

 

[Donnager]

Thanks for the contributions, guys.

 

[Eliot Ness]

Our kids and wife's mother were all on the wife's family plan, but after they got jobs all of them paid for their share. Gradually they all got their separate plans. Seems like people given 'free stuff' forever don't really appreciate it.... just my 2 cents...

 

[dr wogz]

keep them on the plan, but slowly reduce their data, benefits & other 'niceties' untill they realize it's better they pay for their own plan & perks..

 

[prfesser]

One thing to consider is the kids' attitudes. Do they actually appreciate what they're getting? Or, when approached for payment, do you get whine and jeez (minor grumping ok). Some kids will be better off being cut off so they can better understand the gift they no longer have. Others are good at adulting.

 

[Donnager]

One thing to consider is the kids' attitudes. Do they actually appreciate what they're getting? Or, when approached for payment, do you get whine and jeez (minor grumping ok). Some kids will be better off being cut off so they can better understand the gift they no longer have. Others are good at adulting.

Yeah. Older child is glad to have what he does, younger is a teacher, and has a large amount of pent up angst based on what incomes other people make.

Blows my mind. I run a contracting business/fab shop and hired (paid) the younger one for part of a summer. I made him get up with me at 5:00 and ride to work, just to see how it was done, what you had to do, what you had to deal with, and how you had to manage it. But, since he was my kid my shop supervisor wouldn't tell me when he was just screwing around and hiding.

Went and looked for him one day and he was laying in the shade of an air conditioner he was supposed to be cutting up with a sawzall for scrap recycle, playing with his phone, instead. I had to have other guys dismantle the machine for recycle. Kind of had to grab him by the ear and drag him away from his hide, and I cut his employment with me shorter than he or my wife wanted.

He knows I won't intentionally re-hire him (unless mom dictates such), and I am bothered by this, but his unwillingness to deal with what it takes for stuff to get done really makes me sad.

Probably bad counsel on my part.

The double mind blow part is that he has no desire to run a business that has the potential to make him very well off, (family counsel and financial guardrails would be provided). He's happier complaining.

 

[cwbullet]

Do you pay for your children's cell phones after they are out of the house?

I've got one kid about 30 and another around 27 and I still pay for theirs, but I'm an odd duck. I have a construction company and those phones are kind of "extra". Thinking about changing this.

Wife will probably veto me.

Edit: or start paying them herself.

I pay for my son's contract at 25. I would prefer to be able to get a hold of him. He is not yet employed. Once he has a job, he will have to take that up himself.

 

[Donnager]

I pay for my son's contract at 25. I would prefer to be able to get a hold of him. He is not yet employed. Once he has a job, he will have to take that up himself.

That's the other side of it, and part of my current situation.

I don't want to completely cut my kids off just nudge them forward.... a little., but I wonder if my "little" is too little. My opinion is that it is FAR TOO LITTLE. but...

Honestly, I'll keep paying status quo to preserve the relationship I've had with them. I really, really have to rely on my wife to provide some social skills I don't posess.

 

[Antares JS]

I really, really have to rely on my wife to provide some social skills I don't posess.

I feel that.

 

[Eliot Ness]

............I don't want to completely cut my kids off just nudge them forward.... a little., but I wonder if my "little" is too little. My opinion is that it is FAR TOO LITTLE. but...

Honestly, I'll keep paying status quo to preserve the relationship I've had with them. I really, really have to rely on my wife to provide some social skills I don't posess.

Are you supporting your kids financially in other ways also? Anyway, you might need to take baby steps in this area and the phone sounds like an easy place to start, unless it causes a lot of friction with your wife. It sounds like the only issue might be with your younger son, who if he whines to his mother will possibly cause you grief, so you might be between a rock and a hard place. I find it hard to think of an educated adult living on their own willing to sever a relationship over something so minor as taking care of their own phone plan. Heck, you might discover that neither of them will mind getting their own plan with a new phone.

 

[cwbullet]

I really, really have to rely on my wife to provide some social skills I don't posess.

Same here.

Cell phones are typically expensive, and adding another line is not bad. That and I get a veteran discount.

 

[Steve Shannon]

Do you pay for your children's cell phones after they are out of the house?

I've got one kid about 30 and another around 27 and I still pay for theirs, but I'm an odd duck. I have a construction company and those phones are kind of "extra". Thinking about changing this.

Wife will probably veto me.

Edit: or start paying them herself.

Until they graduated from high school we didn’t allow them to have cellphones.
After they graduated we helped with things that were necessary but they were primarily responsible. We paid for repairs to their vehicles and we filled them up with gas whenever they came home to see us.
We never paid for their cellphones. They never expected us to.

 

[Donnager]

Until they graduated from high school we didn’t allow them to have cellphones.
After they graduated we helped with things that were necessary but they were primarily responsible. We paid for repairs to their vehicles and we filled them up with gas whenever they came home to see us.
We never paid for their cellphones. They never expected us to.

Great plan. I kept cell phones out of my kids hands as long as I could. Kind of got drawn into the whole "everyone else has one", "I can't talk to my friends", and the ever present "how can I call you" thing, but the kids were 16-18.

Are you supporting your kids financially in other ways also? Anyway, you might need to take baby steps in this area and the phone sounds like an easy place to start, unless it causes a lot of friction with your wife. It sounds like the only issue might be with your younger son, who if he whines to his mother will possibly cause you grief, so you might be between a rock and a hard place. I find it hard to think of an educated adult living on their own willing to sever a relationship over something so minor as taking care of their own phone plan. Heck, you might discover that neither of them will mind getting their own plan with a new phone.

Yes, I'm supporting, anything from house/car down-payments or repairs, to home improvements. My kids (and their spouses) aren't going hungry (and I won't let them as long as I can prevent it, even if I have to move them back to my house), but I have no compunction about making them work to be "not hungry".

And, it's not a big issue, I was just wondering in this current age (and thread) if it was common to be paying for kids phones past 20-25 (or 25-30). Never saw many discuss when parents cut this off, and nobody talks about it much.

I really didn't want to belabor this and gripe like I did. It sounds like most tend to pare it back after around 21-23, but communication issues/availability may be a good reason to not cut it off.

Thanks again.

 

[bschultz32]

This was the deal for all four of us kids. We could continue to live rent-free at home for 3 months after graduating from high school. There were two local colleges. If we chose to go to college full-time come September, we were allowed to remain at home, would be asked to pay a small token amount of rent for our room, and chip in a little for food and such. Obviously, this implied that we would have part-time jobs. If we did not pursue higher education in September, we were expected to be OUT of the house and launching our adult lives. Period. None of this slacker-living-in-the-basement-until-age-39 nonsense. All four of us loved our parents dearly, and they loved us back at least as much. But all four of us eagerly accepted these terms, and we knew many years in advance what they were. All four of us grew up to be successful happy adults; no criminal records, no addictions, no mental health issues. I used the exact same model with my children; same stellar results.
This is how you raise children to be successful adults, free from the bondage of an entitlement mentality. You do NOT buy their love. You make it clear you expect them to launch successfully and be self-reliant.
Whew. Now back to thinking about rockets . . . .
Bob

 

[OverTheTop]

Our daughter is 23 and we pay for her phone plan. She wanted an upgraded new phone and agreed to pay for the $50 per month to have that. I ping her every few months to remind her to pay for the phone upgrade. I think it is a valuable lesson to remind her to keep to your fiscal deals. I just wish it didn't take frequent reminders.

 

[CoyoteNumber2]

If you're on a family plan together, you can always ask them to pay for their "additional line" fee. That's what my parents did for me until I got married and my wife and I got our own plan.

Same story here pretty much. I was on my family's plan until 34, because it was cheaper for everyone involved. But then I got married, my sister had been married, and my parents wanted to switch carriers, so it was the right time.

It is long past the time to cut then off and force them to grow up and be responsible for themselves.

I didn't realize having one's own phone plan was the mark of adulthood. Sheesh, I'm a late bloomer!