Quantcast

Your Daily Dose

The Rocketry Forum

Help Support The Rocketry Forum:

les

Well-Known Member
TRF Supporter
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
2,810
Reaction score
421
:facepalm:

OK

Two Goldfish were in their tank


One turns to the other and says






I'll drive - you handle the gun
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
Know why your butt crack runs vertical instead of horizontal?


So when you go down the sliding board it won't go (finger between lips) BbBbBbBbbbBbBbBbbBbbbbbb.....
 

neil_w

Marginally Stable
TRF Supporter
Joined
Jul 14, 2015
Messages
11,012
Reaction score
3,865
Location
Northern NJ
I have to say I got a chuckle.



Guy walks into a store and asks "Do you have helicopter-flavored potato chips?". Cashier says "No, only plain." (works better via audio)
 

Incongruent

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2016
Messages
1,735
Reaction score
5
What do you get when you cross that Atlantic with the Titanic?







About halfway.
 

Incongruent

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2016
Messages
1,735
Reaction score
5
Copy-Paste:



There are two muffins in an oven. One says, “Man, it is hot in here.” And the other one says, “Holy crap! A talking muffin!”


A child comes up to his dad and asks, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“God is both.”
“Is God black or white?”
“God is both.”
“Is God Michael Jackson?”


How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
-A buck an ear.


What did the pirate say when he got a steering wheel stuck down his pants?
-”Arrg! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”


A kid dressed like a pirate for Halloween knocks on this lady’s door.
“Oh aren’t you a cute little pirate but where are your buccaneers?”
“Under my buckin’ hat!”


Did you hear about that guy who got the entire left side of his body cut off?
-Yeah, but he’s all right now.


Where does the king keep his armies?
-In his sleevies.


How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
-Fish.


How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
-Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.


What do you get when you mix an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?
-A dude who sits up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
 

MALBAR 70

More Rockets Than Room
TRF Supporter
Joined
Aug 18, 2012
Messages
2,384
Reaction score
858
Location
Athol, Massachusetts
Two penguins are standing on an iceberg, one turns to the other and says, "It looks like you are wearing a tuxedo"
The other penguin replies, "What makes you think I'm not?"
 

Skp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2013
Messages
227
Reaction score
1
A man was telling his shrink about his dreams. He says that in one dream he is a teepee and in another he is a wigwam.

The shrink says relax you're 2 tents.
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me.
 

cherokeej

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
835
Reaction score
51
A penguin is driving an old beater car across the desert. Out in the middle of nowhere, it starts to smoke. He comes upon a small town, and pulls into the service station, telling the tech there about the problem, could he have a look? "Sure buddy. But you look a little out of place here. You might want to go across the street to the market there."
So the penguin goes into the market and buys an ice cream bar to enjoy. It's a bit messy in the heat, but he finishes the ice cream, and heads back to the service station, just as the tech is climbing out from under his car.

"Well, looks like you blew a seal, buddy."

"No! It's ice cream! I swear, it's ice cream!"
 

watheyak

Barnstormer
TRF Supporter
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
931
Reaction score
572
Location
Arizona
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter.
 

adrian

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 19, 2009
Messages
2,394
Reaction score
27
I was in court on a charge of drunk-driving. The judge asked me right out, "Were you drunk when you were driving down High Street on the afternoon of February 21?"
I said "Drunk as a judge."
He said "Don't you mean 'drink as a lord'?"
I said "Yes, your lordship."
He said "You are aware that if you continue like that, you will also be charged with being in contempt of court?"
I said "Sorry. I did not mean any offence. I just meant that I was no more drunk than you are now, your lordship."
He said "Bad answer", pulled out his bottle of rum, took a big swig, and said "Guilty. <Hic>"

One problem was that this wasn't my first conviction. Last time I tried to get off a charge of running a red light on the grounds that if you're driving a car heading toward a traffic light, the wavelength of the light coming from the traffic light is reduced by the Doppler effect, so what was supposed to be a red light looks green. I got off the charge of running a red light and got a massive speeding ticket due to the speed I'd need to be doing for red to appear green.

That wasn't my first speeding ticket, either. I tried to get off the previous one by claiming that due to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the cop who was trying to use his radar to prove I was speeding could either know my speed or my position but not both, which means he could either prove I was in the 30mph zone but couldn't prove I was doing 50mph, or he could prove I was doing 50mph but not prove I was in the 30mph zone. I might even have got away with it if I hadn't hit the cop's car on the way out of the 30mph zone.

So here I am in jail, about to pull off an amazing escape. Because I've just performed an inversion transformation. Now you're all in jail and I'm outside. And in about half an hour, they're going to release one of the inmates so he can temporarily leave his immense cell and walk into my little world to hand me my dinner.
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.

Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.
 

Igotnothing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 26, 2014
Messages
868
Reaction score
78
They muzzle the dog so it won't bite the heck out of it's handler?

Should tell you something about the sense of dogs.
 

Igotnothing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 26, 2014
Messages
868
Reaction score
78
Why did the chicken cross the road/

To prove to the possum it could be done.
 

dr wogz

Fly caster
Joined
Feb 5, 2009
Messages
6,081
Reaction score
1,263
Location
Land of Poutine!
Why did the chicken cross the road/

To prove to the possum it could be done.
I thought it was to get to the left from the right.. but he stepped outta rank, got hit by a tank, and he ain't no chicken no more..


Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

Because he was safety-pinned to the chicken..
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
You sneak into my room, unnoticed; you gently touch one bit of my naked body after the other until you find the most desirable place, then you start sucking.

Stupid mosquitoes!
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
A question on an internet forum:

Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.

A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.
 

Gary Byrum

Overstable By Design
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
6,330
Reaction score
195
Location
Lincolnton NC
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, &#8220;What was that?&#8221;

The guy smiled at her, &#8220;Direct marketing!&#8221;

The girl slapped him soundly.

&#8220;What was that?!&#8221; said the boy, holding his cheek.

&#8220;Customer feedback.&#8221;
 
Top