A penguin is driving an old beater car across the desert. Out in the middle of nowhere, it starts to smoke. He comes upon a small town, and pulls into the service station, telling the tech there about the problem, could he have a look? "Sure buddy. But you look a little out of place here. You might want to go across the street to the market there."
So the penguin goes into the market and buys an ice cream bar to enjoy. It's a bit messy in the heat, but he finishes the ice cream, and heads back to the service station, just as the tech is climbing out from under his car.
I was in court on a charge of drunk-driving. The judge asked me right out, "Were you drunk when you were driving down High Street on the afternoon of February 21?"
I said "Drunk as a judge."
He said "Don't you mean 'drink as a lord'?"
I said "Yes, your lordship."
He said "You are aware that if you continue like that, you will also be charged with being in contempt of court?"
I said "Sorry. I did not mean any offence. I just meant that I was no more drunk than you are now, your lordship."
He said "Bad answer", pulled out his bottle of rum, took a big swig, and said "Guilty. <Hic>"
One problem was that this wasn't my first conviction. Last time I tried to get off a charge of running a red light on the grounds that if you're driving a car heading toward a traffic light, the wavelength of the light coming from the traffic light is reduced by the Doppler effect, so what was supposed to be a red light looks green. I got off the charge of running a red light and got a massive speeding ticket due to the speed I'd need to be doing for red to appear green.
That wasn't my first speeding ticket, either. I tried to get off the previous one by claiming that due to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the cop who was trying to use his radar to prove I was speeding could either know my speed or my position but not both, which means he could either prove I was in the 30mph zone but couldn't prove I was doing 50mph, or he could prove I was doing 50mph but not prove I was in the 30mph zone. I might even have got away with it if I hadn't hit the cop's car on the way out of the 30mph zone.
So here I am in jail, about to pull off an amazing escape. Because I've just performed an inversion transformation. Now you're all in jail and I'm outside. And in about half an hour, they're going to release one of the inmates so he can temporarily leave his immense cell and walk into my little world to hand me my dinner.