Sayings

[Ryan S.]

"never bring a knife to a gunfight"

 

[jflis]

Originally posted by Ryan S.
I thought of a great one!

"Sharp as a marble"

(usually said with the words "your about as" proceeding it"

https://www.bessiebee.com/Just4Fun/foghorn-bowling.wav


my FAV loony toon character, bar none!

"it's hotter than He!! out here!"

followed 6 months later by:

"it's colder than He!! out here!"

go figure! LOL

Ones that I used to use:

Yer so small you could sit on the edge of a dime and dangle your feet!

Yer brain is so small, if I balanced it on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a marble rolling down a 10 lane super highway!

You must have a smooth ceribral cortex....

one from George Carlin: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose...

LOL

 

[astronboy]

OK, I have a few:

I had a friend who was an Army MP.
He used to like to sing:

"When you kiss your honey,
And her nose is runny,
You might think it's funny
But it's snot"


Winston Churchhill:

"Anyone who is young and is not liberal has no heart.
Anyone who is old and is not conservative is a fool"


And finally my Dad's:

"EVERYONE has an agenda"

 

[Frodo2801]

If a bird had your brains he would fly backwards.

What did the redneck say before he killed himself?
Hey yaw watch this.

 

[gothique_97]

Originally posted by Frodo2801
What did the redneck say before he killed himself?
Hey yaw watch this.

I heard it as, "Hold my beer and watch this!"

 

[sandman]

OK I thought of a few more I like.

When in a confrontation and about to come to blows with your adversary:

I'm gonna rip off your head and SPIT into your neck!

Or

Im gonna rip off your arm and beat you with the wet end!

sandman

 

[Ryan S.]

Originally posted by astronboy


"Anyone who is young and is not liberal has no heart.
Anyone who is old and is not conservative is a fool"

Amen!

 

[Martin Vrstal]

How about

Fine as Froghair

Colder than a welldiggers a$$

That smells betten than a cheerleader on gameday

 

[rabidsheeep]

"just f the world sometimes"

i live by it...

and

"THE COPS ARE HERE JACK OFF"-- miami my skating buddy

"bu... butt... but is welch's"

"crap! carl actually did something!!!!!!!!!!!"

lordy i forgot:

"never use superglue on an engine mount"-- mr. fury

"sand your fins!"-- mr. fury

"dont worry the wool is working fine... WHADDA YA MEAN ITS NOT WORKING!"-- mr. young

 

[DavRedf]

Our town is so small the main drag is the local transvestite.

If brains were dynamite you could'ny blow your nose.

If brains were cotton wool you could'nt make a tampon for a parrot.

Is that your IQ or are you just learning to count.

You're as funny as a rubber crutch.

Who you looking at? Dont know I lost my book of reptiles.

In a letter to a bad customer,
Sir my secretary being a lady cannot type what I think of you.
Me being a gentleman would not tell her.
You being neither know just what I mean.

David

 

[cydermaster]

"If you had another brain cell, it would die of lonliness!" - Cheech & Chong

 

[Zippy]

If this hasn't been said allready then "There's nothing new under the sun". If it has then "No one reads this stuff anyway."

 

[Justy]

"One of you is gonna trip and die, and I'm not gonna clean it up!"
--Mal Reynolds, Firefly

 

[Stymye]

I cut it three times, and it's still too short....

 

[Frodo2801]

More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

 

[arthur dent]

I enjoy the saying
" a sandwhich short of a picnic"

 

[Stones]

Originally posted by wyldbill
"That's slicker than snot on a doorknob"

and I'll stop there.....

I've heard it this way...
"...slicker than a pan of guts".

 

[jetra2]

Here's one I just heard my dad say,

"I had all my ducks in a row..."

"Then somebody shot them!"

LOL!

Jason

 

[mge55389]

One that I use all the time that I got from my local blacksmith shop: No job is too tough, if the pay is enough.

One that I learned in school from an underclassman:
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer

One that my dad uses:
Man#1 to Man #2 " Say does this bus to to Duluth?"
Man#2 " No,.. it goes Beep, beep."

From a guy I use to work with: That's slicker than a deer gut on a door knob

He's slower than molasses in Janurary!

If we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

 

[graylensman]

a variation on the tool theme, told to me by someone during an apartment move:

"Smart as a bag of hammers." That one made me LOL and fall over.

A friend's Grandma used to say:

"What goes down the devil's back comes up around his belly." HUH?!

My personal creed:

"I'd rather be lucky than good any day."

 

[AndyC]

"I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel...
... but it was just another b*st*rd with a torch bringing me more work."

 

[HiflyinPRguy]

Originally posted by Ryan S.
Has anyone here ever seen the movie "Boondock Saints"

Love that movie!

Here are a couple I could think of that I have overheard at work:
(Names have been omitted to protect the innocent)

"He's about as sharp as a sack of wet mud"

"If you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd have change coming"

"Not the smartest peanut in the turd"

"When she does find that magic bullet she's looking for I hope she puts it right between her eyes"

"If cleanliness is next to godliness then I guess the devil has a new errand boy"

"Thanks for stating the obvious"

At a recent business lunch:
Person1: "I think I just had an epiphany!"
Person2: "Do we need to call an ambulance?!"

Sayings from Loudon, TN:

"Madder than an old wet hen"
"Meaner than a black snake"
"Let's gitter done"
"Angrier than a sore-tail cat"
"He was sweatin' like a wh*re in church"
"Hotter than a firecracker" (Except "fire" is pronounced "far")
"Take a long walk off a short pier"
"I was so drunk that I saw my grandad at the door with Jesus"

Sayings from my dad:
"Son you've got rockets on the brain" - Duh!!

"Just don't blow up the house while you're in it"- First time I brought home a G engine.

"Son, if it's on TV, IT HAS TO BE TRUE!!!"- Looooong story

I think that's all I can post here

 

[powderburner]

Originally posted by Ryan S.
"not the brightest bulb on the string"

a.k.a.,
dim bulb

Has this thread degenerated to a recounting of insults, or are we still looking for quirky old sayings?

Response from someone give a choice between two equally attractive options:
'Either one of both, but not neither'

 

[DavRedf]

Still looking I hope

 

[SecretSquirrel]

When I was much younger my brothers used to love to hide my stuff right before I had to go to school. I would look and look and look and not find things. Then my mom would ask what I was looking for and she would just walk straight over to it, pick it up and say "if it were a snake, it would have bit you."

One day I was having a really bad time and I couldn't find one of my school books. My mom walked right over to it and said "if it were a snake it would have bit you." I was in a really bad mood and snapped back "if it were a snake I wouldn't have been looking for it!"

My butt hurt the rest of the morning.

 

[graylensman]

Reminds me of a boss I once had:

her son was looking for something, asked her about it. Her response: "you think my uterus is a tracking device?"

 

[wyldbill]

Reminds me of my grandma, bless her soul. Anytime you asked her what time it was, she'd reply:

"Time all fools were dead! Aren't you sick?"

She thought it was hilarious....

 

[Micromeister]

My pesonal favorites!

"Well keep your Shoulder to the wheel,
Nose to the grindstone,
Eye on the ball and
your Ear to the ground...
Now just try to work in that position!"

Didn't you go to school stupid!
"yeah came out the same way"

If Crap were electricity,you'd be a walkin powerhouse!

And the one I use alot and usually get's me in a lot of trouble
"I'd love to help ya out.... which way did you come IN!"

 

[Micromeister]

Sharp as a beachball!

"Can't never could!"

I heard it this way... "Slick as Snake snot"

" I tell ya that's lower than Whale Crap which lies at the bottom of the sea"

"Beauty is only skin deep...Ugly goes all the way to the bone"

" Practice make consistent.. not perfect"

" Your only as done as you want to be"

 

[wwattles]

Micro,


My dad used to use your 6th one as "Practice makes permanent."

WW