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B4096

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The husband had been slipping in an out of a coma...
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business fell, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
When I think about it now...
I think you bring me bad luck!"

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B4096

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Oops, she missed!
 

B4096

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Two attorneys went into a diner...
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.

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B4096

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Bob and Marty were out drinking one night and were talking.

Bob: I just can't seem to fool my wife, no matter what I do. I park the car a block from the house and walk the rest of the way. I enter the house as quietly as I can. I take of my shoes before I slowly climb the stairs. I get undressed in the bathroom, and climb into bed as quietly as I can, but the Wife always wakes up and yells at me for being out drinking so late.

Marty: You're doing it all wrong. I speed up to my house and slam on the brakes, squealing the tires, I slam the front door loudly and stomp up the stairs. I then bounce into bed, solidly grab my wife's ass, and drunkenly slur, "Hey honey, how 'bout a little?", She then always pretends to be asleep.

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B4096

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A DEA Officer stops at a ranch in Texas:

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land. No questions asked or answer given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...

With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.

The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge... Show him your badge!"

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