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Mugs914

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I've dealt with plenty of safety guys in my line of work who sometimes made things inconvenient, but never had an experience where I thought the guy was a complete idiot.
I have... 🤬 They (ore than one, on more than one occasion) said things and asked questions that were so ludicrous that I thought they were having a laugh. Things that were right up there with "vacuum pockets".

They are out there folks, walking among us...
 

jqavins

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What amazes me is, sadly, not that one safety inspector was that stupid, but that it took so long to get the problem fixed. When you write "find someone with the common sense and the real authority to overrule the Safety Nazis" and it's "Safety Nazis" plural, that implies that simply going to your particular idiot's manager wasn't sufficient.

I had a coworker who built and wired his own house, and decided to use oversized wires, 12 AWG for ordinary 15 amp circuits instead or 14. The first (junior) inspector was ready to fail the whole project because code requires 14. But it only took his (senior) partner to tell him no, code requires 14 AWG as a minimum. And getting your vacuum chamber approved should have been that easy.

"No, my young padawan, much to learn you have. 50 tones of closing force, a positive lock is, much stronger than a bolted door. Residual vacuum and vacuum pockets exist do not. When vented to air, ceases to exist, a vacuum does. With knowledge, and sense, checklists used must be. To class you will now return."
 

jqavins

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I don't think I have vacuum pockets. I have grey holes. They suck in everything that comes near, and spit out an equal mass of random stuff. I've known some women who have tame grey holes called "purses" that emit what's wanted instead of random objects. Then there are some random grey holes misidentified as purses.
 

mach7

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Oh, boy.

Now I have to explain the absolute Greatest Moment in Wacked Out Real Science.


Couple years ago, some people I worked with finally completed a long-delayed
project to build a very large vacuum chamber for testing plasma thrusters and
other advanced spacecraft propulsion systems. Not the biggest in the business,
but maybe top ten nationwide. Big enough to walk around inside, at any rate,
which is the important point.

Important, because in order to go operational it needed the approval of the
local Safety Nazis. You know the type. They have a checklist, nay, a whole
handbook of checklists, one of which involves Confined Spaces. Big enough
to walk around in? Check. Airtight? Check. Can be filled with asphyxiant
gas? Well, the MSDS for "Vacuum" apparently lists it as an "asphyxiant", so
check. It's a Confined Space, and so the Confined Space checklist must be
implemented.

Issue the first: How do they make certain nobody can accidentally walk in while
the chamber is full of that deadly asphyxiant, "vacuum"? No, the fifty *tons*
of force holding the door closed, is not an acceptable answer.

Issue the second: When the chamber is vented back to full atmospheric pressure,
where does the vacuum go? If the chamber were accidentally vented by opening
the door (see above, and note exact Safety Nazi quote, "OK, say if you were
Superman and you opened the door"), where would the vacuum go?

Issue the third: What assurance is there, that when the chamber is vented back
to full atmosphere, there is an adequate percentage of oxygen in the chamber?
Hint: It is a big, big, big mistake here to acknowledge here that the laws of
statistical gas dynamics allow for one chance in 10^10^17 (no typo) that the
chamber will spontaneously refill with a sufficiently oxygen-poor atmosphere
to preclude respiration.

Issue the forth, and so help me God I am not making this up, again an exact
Safety Nazi quote, "How can you be sure there won't be vacuum pockets left
in the chamber, that someone could accidentally stick their head into?"

And, coupled with issue #2, there could be deadly vacuum pockets floating
around the lab! Aieeee!!!! Run for your lives!

It only took three weeks to find someone with the common sense and the real
authority to overrule the Safety Nazis on this one, and the SNs still take
offense if anyone brings it up in their presence.


Vacuum pockets.
Vacuum pockets exist...................

In between the ears of that safty nazi.
 

kuririn

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A man walks into a bar
His friend spots him and says "Oh my God, what happened to you? Your head is shrunken to the size of a tennis ball."
He says "Yeah, I don't know. I was walking on the beach this morning and I found a bottle in the sand. When I opened it a beautiful girl popped out. All I said was 'I just want a little.........'"

Never mind.
 

CHARLIE505

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Oh, boy.

Now I have to explain the absolute Greatest Moment in Wacked Out Real Science.


Couple years ago, some people I worked with finally completed a long-delayed
project to build a very large vacuum chamber for testing plasma thrusters and
other advanced spacecraft propulsion systems. Not the biggest in the business,
but maybe top ten nationwide. Big enough to walk around inside, at any rate,
which is the important point.

Important, because in order to go operational it needed the approval of the
local Safety Nazis. You know the type. They have a checklist, nay, a whole
handbook of checklists, one of which involves Confined Spaces. Big enough
to walk around in? Check. Airtight? Check. Can be filled with asphyxiant
gas? Well, the MSDS for "Vacuum" apparently lists it as an "asphyxiant", so
check. It's a Confined Space, and so the Confined Space checklist must be
implemented.

Issue the first: How do they make certain nobody can accidentally walk in while
the chamber is full of that deadly asphyxiant, "vacuum"? No, the fifty *tons*
of force holding the door closed, is not an acceptable answer.

Issue the second: When the chamber is vented back to full atmospheric pressure,
where does the vacuum go? If the chamber were accidentally vented by opening
the door (see above, and note exact Safety Nazi quote, "OK, say if you were
Superman and you opened the door"), where would the vacuum go?

Issue the third: What assurance is there, that when the chamber is vented back
to full atmosphere, there is an adequate percentage of oxygen in the chamber?
Hint: It is a big, big, big mistake here to acknowledge here that the laws of
statistical gas dynamics allow for one chance in 10^10^17 (no typo) that the
chamber will spontaneously refill with a sufficiently oxygen-poor atmosphere
to preclude respiration.

Issue the forth, and so help me God I am not making this up, again an exact
Safety Nazi quote, "How can you be sure there won't be vacuum pockets left
in the chamber, that someone could accidentally stick their head into?"

And, coupled with issue #2, there could be deadly vacuum pockets floating
around the lab! Aieeee!!!! Run for your lives!

It only took three weeks to find someone with the common sense and the real
authority to overrule the Safety Nazis on this one, and the SNs still take
offense if anyone brings it up in their presence.


Vacuum pockets.
This cracked me up!
Nuclear plant containments run at a negative pressure so nothing leaks out. At one plant the mechanics bypassed the airlocks safeties and opened the inner and outer doors at the same time. The inner door which weighs several hundred pounds was ripped off the hinges and the workers were sucked into and slammed into the wall in the containment building. I am not sure but one died and not sure if the other survived. The inner door opens into the containment building so that if there is a reactor accident and overpressure it would seal tighter to prevent leakage. This happened in the early 90's if I remember correctly. Trying to find the incident report but no luck! I hated going into containment and going through the depressurizing procedure, messed up my ears for days!
 

jqavins

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Where does the pump vent? You can't maintain negative pressure without a pump continuously removing air. If anything leaks it will stay out of the rest of the plant, but the pump output is going somewhere.
 

CHARLIE505

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Where does the pump vent? You can't maintain negative pressure without a pump continuously removing air. If anything leaks it will stay out of the rest of the plant, but the pump output is going somewhere.
The pump does not run continuously. the building is pretty air tight. The air pumped out goes through multistage filters incase there is any radioactive particles. Also the intake to the pumps have radiation monitors that would shut down the pumps and seal the exit pipes.
 

kuririn

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Our teacher told us this joke in middle school, and nobody laughed.
Be forewarned.

New to the US, Jose decided he wanted to see an American baseball game.
He tried to buy a ticket at the box office but didn't have enough money.
A scalper saw his distress and decided this was an easy mark.
So he tells the kid "Hey kid, give me all your money and I'll get you a special seat to see the game."
He sneaks Jose in through a side door and tells him to climb to the top of a pole and sit to see the game.
Agile as he is, Jose does that.
After the game Jose scampers down the pole and goes home.
His mom sees him come in and says "Hi Jose, how was the game?"
Jose says "Oh, it was great mom. The home team won 10-0. And Americans, they are so friendly. Before the game started everybody stood up, put their right hand over their chest, looked at me and said 'Jose. can you see?'"
😁
 

kuririn

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Two stoners were driving to catch their plane and leave on a vacation.
They saw a sign that said "Airport: Left".
So they turned around and went home.
 

NateB

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Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.

I was like, well damn.
 

TSMILLER

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
 

kuririn

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A man walks into a bar
And says "Who the hell put this jungle gym in the middle of the playground?"
1624940101322.png
 
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kuririn

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Sometimes even the best comedians bomb.
I remember watching one night when Bill Dana (Jose Jimenez) was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. They had conversed for a couple of minutes when Dana suddenly became very somber. When Carson asked if anything was wrong he said "Johnny, I guess now is the time I got this off my chest. I've been keeping this secret to myself and I can't hide it any longer.
You see, I'm............
a heterosexual."
Silence.
Dana turns to the audience and says "You see, a heterosexual is..."
And Carson says "They know what it is!"
Cracked me up.
 
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