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- Jan 17, 2009
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'twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the place,
not a rocket was stiring.
Not even the Tres.
As I write this, on the *morning* before Christmas, I reflect on the fact that it is also 9 days past Chanuka and 2 days past the Fast of 10th of Teves. It is also the 24th day of December and the 359th day of the year 2004.
So many ways to measure the passage of time. We can measure it by the passing of days, by the accumulation of aches and pains, by the growing list of hardships or the equally growing list of blessings.
Hardships and blessings. An interesting mix and one worth exploring at this time of year. I say that because my experience has shown me that many (most?) people tend to have a laser focus during the holiday season. This is true of Christian and Jew, Hindu and Muslim and even the atheists among us. There is something about the holiday season that makes you reflect on your life. The concern is that for nearly every person who is focused on their blessings there is someone out there who has focused on their hardships.
It took me a long, LONG time to appreciate hardships. There were times where I hated some person because of a hardship driven my way by that person. Times when I hated God for not being able to understand why I was singled out. Times when I hated myself for all my faults and misdirection. As I reflect back on these hardships, and there are many, I realize that for lack of any single one of them, I would not be who I am today. And for all my faults and frailties, I like who I am today.
Some of that is growing up. Each year I pat myself on the back for having "grown up" finally. Without fail, the following year I reflect on some childish thing I did the year before and am thankful that I am now "grown up". Finally. It will happen again next year, of that I am sure. It's called "growing up" and it is an endless process.
If you have chosen (and it *is* a choice) to ponder your hardships, remember these simple things:
- A hardship today may very well make a great story tomorrow.
- Everyone has hardships and your hardships are never worse than everybody elses.
- All (each and every one) of your hardships mold the person that you are becoming.
- The measure of a person is in his reaction to hardship, not that (s)he has *had* a hardship.
At this moment in my life I am president and CEO of a growing and exciting company that amounts to somewhat of a dream of mine. I am joined by my wife and two lovely children to help make it a success. Succeed or fail, it will be a success because I gave it my best shot, and I cant do more than that.
My wife and I are deeply in love. My children are respectful, successful and very well adjusted. I have a nice home (mortgage *almost* paid off!) in a nice town, close to much family and many friends. I could go on, but you get the picture of the many blessings that I hold very dear to my heart.
When I was 13 years old my 18 year old sister Monica died with her fiancé on the night of their engagement due to a faulty exhaust system in his car, right in our own front yard. This so devastated my mother that 3 months later, she uprooted her entire family and moved us all to Florida. Devastating. Absolutely.
At about the same time, Kathy's father suffered a crippling heart attack and he was ordered by his doctor to seek a more temperate climate, so they uprooted their entire family and moved to Florida. Devastating, really.
More hardship than a young person should be exposed to.
6 months later, Kathy and I met for the first time. We fell in love, I proposed, we moved back to the north east. We got married, we bought a house. We raised a family. We walked both our kids to the bus stop on their first day of kindergarten, attended their graduation and have seen our son through college and our daughter into college.
More blessings than one could hope for.
These blessings and more would have never been
had my sister Monica survived that horrible night and my then future father in law had avoided that particular heart attack.
Sometimes Gods greatest gifts are prayers he never answers.
During that time I have buried another sibling, my brother Bob. I have buried my father, Joseph, my mother in law, Mary, and father in law, Charles and several friends. I have lost my job, lost some friends and lost my temper. I have lost my way on more than one occasion and even lost my wife for a whole year before we both came to our senses.
Each of these events have helped to shape me. Each of these tragedies has become memory, a lesson learned and a lesson to teach. Each one has, in some odd and mysterious way helped to better me in some small way. I no longer morn the loss of my brother and sister. Rather I treasure the memory that I have of them. I no longer fret over the year I was separated from my wife, rather I revel in new found love. I no longer despair over the attitudes from our smart aleck children, rather I treasure the lessons they have learned and take comfort in the fine young adults they have become.
I am reminded of a song by Garth Brooks, The Dance.
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.
Full lyrics can be found here: https://www.lyricsbox.com/garth-brooks-lyrics-the-dance-9676l8c.html
Dont miss the dance.
If you focus on your hardships this holiday season, take a moment to put them into perspective. Your children will grow OH so fast and the frustrations of the moment will become treasured memories of the past. The knot in your stomach from a recent horrific event will help to humble you for treasures yet to be. The Originating Mystery, whether you call Him God, Allah, fate or something else entirely, presents us with choices. Choose to learn, love and grow.
If you focus on your blessings this holiday season, take a moment to realize how many of them were formed by hardships of the past.
I wish all a wonderful holiday season and most prosperous New Year. Make a difference in your life. Make a difference in someone elses life. Make a difference.
Warmest regards
The Flis Family,
Jim, Kathy, Joe and Jen.
and all through the place,
not a rocket was stiring.
Not even the Tres.
As I write this, on the *morning* before Christmas, I reflect on the fact that it is also 9 days past Chanuka and 2 days past the Fast of 10th of Teves. It is also the 24th day of December and the 359th day of the year 2004.
So many ways to measure the passage of time. We can measure it by the passing of days, by the accumulation of aches and pains, by the growing list of hardships or the equally growing list of blessings.
Hardships and blessings. An interesting mix and one worth exploring at this time of year. I say that because my experience has shown me that many (most?) people tend to have a laser focus during the holiday season. This is true of Christian and Jew, Hindu and Muslim and even the atheists among us. There is something about the holiday season that makes you reflect on your life. The concern is that for nearly every person who is focused on their blessings there is someone out there who has focused on their hardships.
It took me a long, LONG time to appreciate hardships. There were times where I hated some person because of a hardship driven my way by that person. Times when I hated God for not being able to understand why I was singled out. Times when I hated myself for all my faults and misdirection. As I reflect back on these hardships, and there are many, I realize that for lack of any single one of them, I would not be who I am today. And for all my faults and frailties, I like who I am today.
Some of that is growing up. Each year I pat myself on the back for having "grown up" finally. Without fail, the following year I reflect on some childish thing I did the year before and am thankful that I am now "grown up". Finally. It will happen again next year, of that I am sure. It's called "growing up" and it is an endless process.
If you have chosen (and it *is* a choice) to ponder your hardships, remember these simple things:
- A hardship today may very well make a great story tomorrow.
- Everyone has hardships and your hardships are never worse than everybody elses.
- All (each and every one) of your hardships mold the person that you are becoming.
- The measure of a person is in his reaction to hardship, not that (s)he has *had* a hardship.
At this moment in my life I am president and CEO of a growing and exciting company that amounts to somewhat of a dream of mine. I am joined by my wife and two lovely children to help make it a success. Succeed or fail, it will be a success because I gave it my best shot, and I cant do more than that.
My wife and I are deeply in love. My children are respectful, successful and very well adjusted. I have a nice home (mortgage *almost* paid off!) in a nice town, close to much family and many friends. I could go on, but you get the picture of the many blessings that I hold very dear to my heart.
When I was 13 years old my 18 year old sister Monica died with her fiancé on the night of their engagement due to a faulty exhaust system in his car, right in our own front yard. This so devastated my mother that 3 months later, she uprooted her entire family and moved us all to Florida. Devastating. Absolutely.
At about the same time, Kathy's father suffered a crippling heart attack and he was ordered by his doctor to seek a more temperate climate, so they uprooted their entire family and moved to Florida. Devastating, really.
More hardship than a young person should be exposed to.
6 months later, Kathy and I met for the first time. We fell in love, I proposed, we moved back to the north east. We got married, we bought a house. We raised a family. We walked both our kids to the bus stop on their first day of kindergarten, attended their graduation and have seen our son through college and our daughter into college.
More blessings than one could hope for.
These blessings and more would have never been
had my sister Monica survived that horrible night and my then future father in law had avoided that particular heart attack.
Sometimes Gods greatest gifts are prayers he never answers.
During that time I have buried another sibling, my brother Bob. I have buried my father, Joseph, my mother in law, Mary, and father in law, Charles and several friends. I have lost my job, lost some friends and lost my temper. I have lost my way on more than one occasion and even lost my wife for a whole year before we both came to our senses.
Each of these events have helped to shape me. Each of these tragedies has become memory, a lesson learned and a lesson to teach. Each one has, in some odd and mysterious way helped to better me in some small way. I no longer morn the loss of my brother and sister. Rather I treasure the memory that I have of them. I no longer fret over the year I was separated from my wife, rather I revel in new found love. I no longer despair over the attitudes from our smart aleck children, rather I treasure the lessons they have learned and take comfort in the fine young adults they have become.
I am reminded of a song by Garth Brooks, The Dance.
Our lives,
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.
Full lyrics can be found here: https://www.lyricsbox.com/garth-brooks-lyrics-the-dance-9676l8c.html
Dont miss the dance.
If you focus on your hardships this holiday season, take a moment to put them into perspective. Your children will grow OH so fast and the frustrations of the moment will become treasured memories of the past. The knot in your stomach from a recent horrific event will help to humble you for treasures yet to be. The Originating Mystery, whether you call Him God, Allah, fate or something else entirely, presents us with choices. Choose to learn, love and grow.
If you focus on your blessings this holiday season, take a moment to realize how many of them were formed by hardships of the past.
I wish all a wonderful holiday season and most prosperous New Year. Make a difference in your life. Make a difference in someone elses life. Make a difference.
Warmest regards
The Flis Family,
Jim, Kathy, Joe and Jen.
