JAL3
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2009
- Messages
- 14,333
- Reaction score
- 268
I am finally back and I hope it sticks. Since my last post, the only time I have been to the site is when I accidentally clicked a link. Those times lasted for all of 10 seconds or so.
I want to thank everybody for their support and well wishes. Some of you who actually know me took the time and made to effort to reach out to me and that was appreciated as well. In fact, I am deeply grateful and that makes what follows sound a bit strange.
I did as I promised and made sure that all current commitments had been sent out. They had been. After that, I just could not face the prospect of coming here again. Each time when I almost did, I found myself recoiling. That is strange especially since I credit TRF and YORF in being major factors in my recovering from a brain tumor years ago. THIS IS WHAT I LOOKED FORWARD TO! I loved these places. I did not understand the aversion and, even though I think I understand the source, I still don't understand the mechanics. It's simplistic but I will leave it with this explanation: it seemed that I feared to contaminate something I loved with my "diseased" presence.
That disease was depression.
Things actually got better for me in terms of scheduling and hours after my last update. My schedule got regularized so that I generally knew what was expected from me from day to day without it being a big surprise. There were still rough spots and they still hurt but work became easier after a while.
Let me describe a rough spot. I had to attend a family who made the very difficult decision to turn off a ventilator. It was the circumstances that hurt. He had gone to one of those clinics in a strip mall with respiratory issues. They assumed COVID without even testing and intubated the man. He did not have COVID but the real tragedy is that they don't do intubations in those places very often. They got the intubation done correctly but it never occured to them to actually turn on the oxygen. By the time the mistake was discovered, the brain damage was extreme and irreversible. My blood still boils thinking about it.
In any event, dealing non-stop with almost exclusively "bad" stuff took it's toll. Apparently I became depressed. I can look back and see the signs but it's hard to see them when looking in a mirror. For the last month or so, I just wanted to do what I had to do and release myself to sleep. I was truly miserable.
What seems to have snapped me out of it is actually another tragedy. One of my colleagues, the guy who took my position when I was assigned to west Texas, has had a serious medical issue come up. It is one that I lived through. I am picking up his shifts as well as my own because there is a shortage of multilingual people with the needed certifications. For some reason, having the mission to accomplish, something besides "keep plugging away", snapped me out of it.
The horrors of getting online no longer seem like horrors. Instead, getting on line here has been restored to what it always should have been: a pleasant escape.
As an epilogue, the brain surgery yesterday went well. I hope he is able to return in a few months.
As for the sales, I need to check and see if interested parties are still interested in the items that have been PMed. After that, I am restarting with price reductions for the things that have been posted but have not sold. Then I will crack open a few more boxes.
There are not quite as many boxes as there were. I gave 15 away last week to some school kids. That probably accounts for about 200 rockets or so but don't worry. When my wife tries to look, she cannot tell that I have even made a dent so far.
I want to thank everybody for their support and well wishes. Some of you who actually know me took the time and made to effort to reach out to me and that was appreciated as well. In fact, I am deeply grateful and that makes what follows sound a bit strange.
I did as I promised and made sure that all current commitments had been sent out. They had been. After that, I just could not face the prospect of coming here again. Each time when I almost did, I found myself recoiling. That is strange especially since I credit TRF and YORF in being major factors in my recovering from a brain tumor years ago. THIS IS WHAT I LOOKED FORWARD TO! I loved these places. I did not understand the aversion and, even though I think I understand the source, I still don't understand the mechanics. It's simplistic but I will leave it with this explanation: it seemed that I feared to contaminate something I loved with my "diseased" presence.
That disease was depression.
Things actually got better for me in terms of scheduling and hours after my last update. My schedule got regularized so that I generally knew what was expected from me from day to day without it being a big surprise. There were still rough spots and they still hurt but work became easier after a while.
Let me describe a rough spot. I had to attend a family who made the very difficult decision to turn off a ventilator. It was the circumstances that hurt. He had gone to one of those clinics in a strip mall with respiratory issues. They assumed COVID without even testing and intubated the man. He did not have COVID but the real tragedy is that they don't do intubations in those places very often. They got the intubation done correctly but it never occured to them to actually turn on the oxygen. By the time the mistake was discovered, the brain damage was extreme and irreversible. My blood still boils thinking about it.
In any event, dealing non-stop with almost exclusively "bad" stuff took it's toll. Apparently I became depressed. I can look back and see the signs but it's hard to see them when looking in a mirror. For the last month or so, I just wanted to do what I had to do and release myself to sleep. I was truly miserable.
What seems to have snapped me out of it is actually another tragedy. One of my colleagues, the guy who took my position when I was assigned to west Texas, has had a serious medical issue come up. It is one that I lived through. I am picking up his shifts as well as my own because there is a shortage of multilingual people with the needed certifications. For some reason, having the mission to accomplish, something besides "keep plugging away", snapped me out of it.
The horrors of getting online no longer seem like horrors. Instead, getting on line here has been restored to what it always should have been: a pleasant escape.
As an epilogue, the brain surgery yesterday went well. I hope he is able to return in a few months.
As for the sales, I need to check and see if interested parties are still interested in the items that have been PMed. After that, I am restarting with price reductions for the things that have been posted but have not sold. Then I will crack open a few more boxes.
There are not quite as many boxes as there were. I gave 15 away last week to some school kids. That probably accounts for about 200 rockets or so but don't worry. When my wife tries to look, she cannot tell that I have even made a dent so far.
