Ok. An antenna needs to be a certain length to resonate and couple the desired frequency to/from the air. Most antennas you see are elements made of skinny wire or metal. So, at a particular frequency the antenna elements will have a particular length. Now imagine making the wires thicker. This add capacitance to the antenna elements. Now, here is the kicker, inductance and capacitance are opposite of each other, so adding one can cancel the other. So, our antenna with thicker elements will add capacitance, which subtracts from the inductance of the antenna, making it appear shorter at the desired wavelength, given the same element lengths. So our antenna has gotten shorter and is not at the resonance for the required frequency. We can compensate for that effect by making the elements a bit longer, bringing the antenna back to resonance.
So the one you drew with the foil elements around the airframe is seriously capacitive, so each of the halves of the antenna (either side of the feed point) will be too short for resonance at the frequency you actually want. The cure is to make those conductive elements longer, bringing the antenna back to the correct "electrical" length. How do you know how much? Really complex software simulations should tell you the resonance point, or you could build a proxy sample and measure it with a VNA for a quicker outcome. I don't have a feel for how much shift your proposal would create.
Personally I would stick with the monopoles inside the airframe. If your link budget is sufficient it becomes a "don't care".
Another alternative is to make dipoles with some coax, and stick them on the outside if you are keen. See the method here:
https://forum.ausrocketry.com/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=6632&start=17If you make them in a slight V shape the impedance matching to the air is better I think.