F=MA is your friend.
You weigh to get the mass of parts on each side if the break points.
There are two break points a conventional DD rocket.
You know the peak deceleration at burn out - worst case is 100% thrust going to zero quickly.
If your rocket pulls 10G's off the pad, then worst case is 10G - 1G or 9G's max -- across BOTH break points at burnout.
You now have M and A, so you can calculate F which is the separation force the shear pins need to withstand.
NOW, granted this is simplified - ignores differential drag which you really want -- the deceleration is all due to drag and fins usually have more drag than the nose, thus pulling apart. You can fine tune your answer knowing this, or you can assume both parts will have drag and ballpark the same and use ~50% max thrust as the estimated acceleration value to model at burn out.
At apogee, you need to BREAK the drogue shear pins but retain the main pins intact.
Let's skip early/late deployment -- those add lots of stress -- and assume you nail apogee.
Let's also (for now) not talk about wind and rockets parts bumping -- let's talk apogee deployment.
YOUR CHARGES create the forces on the main shear pins.
If your apogee charge is "perfectly" sized, it will be somewhat gentle.
If you blow the crap out of things at the top, the shock can be pretty violent.
IT'S IN YOUR HANDS -- a good reason to ground test and get that apogee charge "just right."
What's typical??? For me, 20-ish G's is enough.
I've seen 30's of G's on flights where I guess on charges.
I've heard story of 100G peaks....in high winds.
If you blow the crap out of it and hit 100G's and have a 5# NC, then your shear pins would need to withstand (F=MA again) 500 pounds of force.
SO
- weigh to get the masses.
- assume reasonable acceleration values for the two events
- Use F=MA to find the force you need to hold.
- Pick your pins to hold that force
- Size your charge to reliably, but not over zealously break the pins.