Crushed

Man, that stinks. Take a good bit of time and think about things. Don't try contacting her for awhile. Don't fall into anger. It hurts, but the pain subsides. I met no less than three women I kNeW I wanted to marry and spend my life with. Thank god they dropped my ass, otherwise I'd never have met my wife and had these amazing kids.

DizWolf said:

Man, that stinks. Take a good bit of time and think about things. Don't try contacting her for awhile. Don't fall into anger. It hurts, but the pain subsides. I met no less than three women I kNeW I wanted to marry and spend my life with. Thank god they dropped my ass, otherwise I'd never have met my wife and had these amazing kids.

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What a great thing to say at this time.............
And how true it is.............
It's very difficult to imagine now,,,,,,,,,
but this will subside,,,,,,and even go away,,,,,,,,,
When you see how glorious the last, true, and correct, relationship is,,,,,,,,,
it will make this one pale,,,,,,,,,,

Teddy

Sorry to hear that Doug. Had a girl dump me once on my birthday, and another dump on me at Disney World. Many of us have been where you are. It stinks. But it *will* get better.

Hang in there.

Hang in there bro...we've all been there and over time things will heal.

Sorry dude but you WILL know when you found the right one. there were a few that i thought she was the one but when I looked back I found that there was a few things missing. I have the right one now and for the last 25 years. I was told by an 80 year old woman "relationships are not a 50 / 50 deal, they are 100% / 100%" But you should not "change" for someone, you both need to understand each other.

It's difficult.... It hurts.... But everything happens for a reason. Just try to accept that it wasn't meant to be, wasn't right for some reason. In the future you will meet the one who is right and all will be good in the universe once again.

Difficult for you to understand right now, but it is better to hear what you did, than to get it later....
Getting into bed one evening with wife #1...
She casually says, "By the way, I don't love you anymore. I am going to meet with an attorney tomorrow to file for divorce."
This was after 11 years of marriage....

SS/EA 6BBL 71 Cuda said:

Doug? Also a big hug from me too. ......In a platonic kind of way!

Can we talk here? This is coming from a 45yr. old bachelor who has never been married or has any children.....None that i know of!

What i have i learned about women and, love in my short time here?

1. Women are beautiful.....They look good, smell good....talk sexy.....
2. Never.....ever.....try to get into the mind of a woman....they are on a different wavelength than you and, i.....Never get into their minds.
3. IF it wasn't meant too be.....it just wasn't meant too be.....period.
4. The right one is out there....that's why she's the "Special One".......Never give up looking for her.
5. I would rather have loved and, lost a few....( a boatload ) times in my life than to have accepted the ( sometimes ) norm and, failed in an unhappy relationship/marriage...possibly affecting the lives of a precious child/children....than too have continued on.
6. If one gets himself involved in a living hell.....he has the ability to make a change. Whether is was caused by social, mental, physical, money or whatever situation that didn't seem too arise in the beginning.
7. Life is short......I have the rest of eternity too laugh with the sinners....than cry with the saints....BUT, i'm NOT going too do it while here on earth. (The crying thing.....)
8. See #4 again......Keep trying, looking and, never lose hope.

From the guy who's been told by MANY Red Headed Women to *Kiss my A$$!*:no:

Find your solace in your hobbies, work and, TRUE friends.......The pain will subside.....

Trust me.

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+1, other than the "45 and unmarried/no kids part" (happily married with one and only 8 year old Keira).

BTDT myself-- dated a lot of girls (though I got a late start-- I only went on 2 dates before I was 26 years old... got married at 30). Always hurt when things went south (even when I was the one to send them south) but still, when you care for someone, its rough to part ways... even when you know it's the right thing to do.

BUT, God has a plan, and he's in control. If something doesn't work out, trust that something better is down the road a ways...

There was a girl I was dating, who ADORED me, and basically was willing to give up her entire life, sell her home, leave her home state and family behind, and move 1,000 miles to be near me, while we were still just dating, and I was unsure if it'd ever become anything more than that. I cared about her, very deeply, "loved" her one could say, but not "IN LOVE" with her if that makes any sense... and I didn't want her to uproot herself just for the POSSIBILITY that we might become more than we were. The more time went by, the more I got the feeling it just wasn't meant to be... and after much praying about it, the strangest thing happened... I was just sitting one day after praying about it, contemplating the sunset or something, and I had a sharp, clear thought pop into my head out of the blue-- "You need an OLDER woman!" (this lady was 23 at the time and I was 28). I had been writing to a number of girls on the internet for some time, some I was "just friends" with and some that were possibly more... SO, I started writing to this one girl more often, as we had a lot in common, and we got pretty close over the next few weeks, and we planned to meet-- I got some time off and planned the trip out of state to go see her... she told me before we met that she needed to tell me something-- something that had simply never come up before... She was 32 and by then I was 29. I had told her my age at some point, but she never told me hers... and she hoped it wasn't an issue. It wasn't of course, but I considered it somewhat strange that I had had that thought about the "older woman". We met and hit it off, and after a few months, we realized we were meant to be together. We got engaged a few months later and were married by that fall. That was nearly 13 years ago and I couldn't be happier...

My ex girlfriend and I had drifted apart slowly, and I finally broke it off with her after I met Betty the first time. I just knew it was the right thing to do, though it bothered me that I was hurting my ex-girlfriend and throwing away something that was there (if I wanted to pursue it) for the CHANCE of something that I felt was very special, and just "right"... but I made the decision and we parted friends... we kept in touch some and she told me a year later that she met someone else and was getting married. I was happy for her, of course... by that time I myself was married... Then not long after that we lost touch...

A few years ago, we went through her hometown while we were on vacation out west... the town I visited and spent a few weeks in when we were dating, visiting her Dad and his new wife and stepdaughter, and her Grandma and Grandpa... we had a lot of good times together there, and I loved that town... Anyway, I drove by her old house, but it had been sold. I went by the church we attended in town, and happened to see a lady come out, and asked about my ex-girlfriend. Turns out she had passed away a couple years before from cancer... her Granddad had died many years ago, and her grandmother and Dad had moved away with his new family. It hit me hard, but I realized then, that God had spared me from having to deal with a terrible loss... losing a young wife and being a widower... Plus, our breaking up kept her in her home in her hometown, with her Dad just a few blocks away, and her Grandmother across town... and she was happy by all accounts, married and in love, although her life was not to be a long one...

Sure puts things in perspective...

When I think back about the girls I dated, including a different girl I was engaged to, and several others I cared very deeply about, I have NO regrets... I prayed God's will be done, and that's what happened...

So, have faith... things happen for a reason... and don't give up hope. There are MANY twists and turns along life's road-- and this MAY not be the end of your relationship... relationships have a LOT of ups and downs, and this may be a "down" stretch... IF it's God's plan for you two to be together, things will align to make it happen, if you're both open to it... If not, then it wasn't God's plan, and something better is down the pike...

I had one girl who rather peremptorily dumped me a good while before I got married... We'd talked about getting married at some point, but she was totally noncommittal and SO flighty, and rather "hard to live with" that basically when it ended, I was okay with it... I realized how difficult being married to her would be, despite the fact that I really cared about her and HAD been "in love" with her (though that was changing by the time it ended-- but I didn't totally close the door-- I figured if she ever "got her head screwed on straight" we could have had a relationship leading to marriage... of course that never happened, at least not until after it was too late...) My brother and I were working in the farm shop one day, and I was outside working on the disk IIRC, and he went back in to get a tool from the shop, when the phone rang in the shop... He answered it, and talked a bit, and then hung up, and brought me the tool I needed... I asked him "who was that" and he told me it was Beth, my old girlfriend that had dumped me a couple years before... She was calling to talk to me, sounded serious, and he told her I was married... She said "OH!" and hung up the phone... cest le vis... Interestingly enough, same thing happened to my Dad and his ex girlfriend, about six months after he was married...

SO, give it time, put it in God's hands, use your good judgment, and move on... either it'll happen, or it won't... you can't "MAKE" something work that's not intended to work... BTDT too, tried and failed...

Later! OL JR

Peartree said:

Sorry to hear that Doug. Had a girl dump me once on my birthday, and another dump on me at Disney World. Many of us have been where you are. It stinks. But it *will* get better.

Hang in there.

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Dump you at DISNEY WORLD?? OH, that just SUCKS...

I mean, it's vacation, the happiest place on Earth, all that... and getting dumped just torpedoes your whole vacation...

I mean, anybody with an ounce of RESPECT would at least just "play along" until the vacation was over, and THEN have "the talk" and "set you free"...

I mean, how crappy can you get... dumping someone at Disney World...

Hope you ride "Pirates of the Carribbean" and cheer the pirates marching the wenches off in chains every time you go... LOL

Later! OL JR

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

Take a deep breath, try to enjoy the next search?

Thanks for the kind words. I accepted my role in this breakup and accepted her reasons. With a help of a friend, I got her out of her room and was able to talk to her more. I told her I accepted her reason, and we were able to have a deep conversation without any animosity (she did not seem uncomfortable and actually seamed to like what I was saying). We share the same faith, and that played a major roll in this. I am hoping things work out in the long run, but I accepted that that may not be the case. We also agreed not to call or text each other till August 15th. Hellos are allowed if we happen to run into each other since we are on the same campus.

I am doing much better. Still pains me because even though I accepted, there are so many memories. I went through the receipts today and it was not easy. Heres the one for the gas to go visit her, Here's the one for the Roses I bought her. Here's the one for when I took her out for icecream... So many memories. The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.


Today I spent time with several friends. Sat on the porch with neighbors, spent some time in the dorm with the guys that are here for campus prep. I didn't get the chores I wanted to done, but It was too painful being by myself, and being with others made me feel better.

n3tjm said:

Thanks for the kind words. I accepted my role in this breakup and accepted her reasons. With a help of a friend, I got her out of her room and was able to talk to her more. I told her I accepted her reason, and we were able to have a deep conversation without any animosity (she did not seem uncomfortable and actually seamed to like what I was saying). We share the same faith, and that played a major roll in this. I am hoping things work out in the long run, but I accepted that that may not be the case. We also agreed not to call or text each other till August 15th. Hellos are allowed if we happen to run into each other since we are on the same campus.

I am doing much better. Still pains me because even though I accepted, there are so many memories. I went through the receipts today and it was not easy. Heres the one for the gas to go visit her, Here's the one for the Roses I bought her. Here's the one for when I took her out for icecream... So many memories. The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.


Today I spent time with several friends. Sat on the porch with neighbors, spent some time in the dorm with the guys that are here for campus prep. I didn't get the chores I wanted to done, but It was too painful being by myself, and being with others made me feel better.

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I met someone wonderful a number of years ago and, for 8 months, we had the most magical relationship. One day I received a text message - some aspects of her life weren't great and she needed to deal with those problems. Her life, as she put it, was in a rut. Our relationship was over until if/when she was able to get out of that rut. I gave her some time and space, but eventually called her and asked to talk. We spent a day together - again, a single, perfect magical day where everything felt complete, not a hint of anything wrong at all. But that was the end of it.

I hurt for a long time - even now I hurt. I know through someone else that one thing she wanted was to dedicate more time to her kids and didn't have space in her life for a partner. I would have preferred to hear that direct from her and not 2nd hand. I do still miss her.

I received several gifts from her during our short time together. One is a vacuum tube, another is a soft toy lobster. Both I treasure, both are on display at home.

I have since met someone else whom I love very much and can't imagine being without.

But past relationships, past loves still linger in my heart - I suspect they always will.

Take care and draw on your friends, cherish the memories.

Krusty

n3tjm said:

Thanks for the kind words. I accepted my role in this breakup and accepted her reasons. With a help of a friend, I got her out of her room and was able to talk to her more. I told her I accepted her reason, and we were able to have a deep conversation without any animosity (she did not seem uncomfortable and actually seamed to like what I was saying). We share the same faith, and that played a major roll in this. I am hoping things work out in the long run, but I accepted that that may not be the case. We also agreed not to call or text each other till August 15th. Hellos are allowed if we happen to run into each other since we are on the same campus.

I am doing much better. Still pains me because even though I accepted, there are so many memories. I went through the receipts today and it was not easy. Heres the one for the gas to go visit her, Here's the one for the Roses I bought her. Here's the one for when I took her out for icecream... So many memories. The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.


Today I spent time with several friends. Sat on the porch with neighbors, spent some time in the dorm with the guys that are here for campus prep. I didn't get the chores I wanted to done, but It was too painful being by myself, and being with others made me feel better.

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That's the spirit...

It takes time...

You didn't mention reasons, but if it's too personal or you don't want to discuss, that's cool... Kinda hard to figure what's "reasonable" or not based on rather generic descriptions is all...

Sounds like you have the situation under control, to the extent you can... you're doing all the right stuff... sometimes women just 'need their space' to figure things out... and IMHO you can pretty much forget about trying to figure out WHY a woman does or thinks anything that they do or think-- it's pretty much a lost cause... believe me I've tried. Main thing is to just be sensitive and caring, and not be a doormat-- BTDT... girls just don't respect a guy who's "too nice" (and yeah, I've been told that... and by a girl who basically treated me like a doormat, and wanted to "change things" about me (IE, everything!)... when things were heading south, I FINALLY stood my ground and called her on the carpet about some things she said and did, and then ALL OF A SUDDEN she started getting a lot more "in" to me... she found this newfound assertiveness and "come on, get real, to heck with the consequences, be honest" attitude on my part towards her (figured I had little to lose, and I was tired of her "wishy-washy nice-but-nitpicking" nonsense and so I called her on it, and told her to just "spill it-- quit being gutless and just TELL ME THE TRUTH about what you REALLY think..." and if she dumped me, oh well...) I'm not saying to treat a chick like dirt (although some like it that way-- they want a guy to "take charge" but usually if they're that "screwed up" then it's not gonna work anyway). BUT, girls have to RESPECT you, look up to you some, realize that it IS "give and take" in a relationship-- if it ALL goes their way, if you just "roll over" every time they say "come" or "go", then they WON'T respect you, and a girl who doesn't respect you isn't going to stay with you... she may USE you... (I was good enough for this girl to date while she waited and hoped that some "dreamboat" she went to college with who wouldn't give her the time of day would FINALLY call her, then off to the dumps I'd go, which of course HE NEVER DID AND NEVER WOULD... and like a fool I put up with it for TOO LONG). She may use you, but she won't STAY WITH YOU... you'll be gone when something better comes along, something more to her liking...

So, yeah, there IS such a thing as being "too nice"... and you have to find that balancing act... women are emotional and that rules their thinking, in most cases, often more than even they themselves realize-- they rely far more on intuition and instinct than us males do... we tend to rationalization and weigh the odds or measure the options and act accordingly (not that we're NEVER emotionally motivated, but most guys who have a brain will, at some level, use it, and those who don't we tend to call idiots...) Females are also MUCH more prone to changing their minds... all the time... Not that guys never change their minds, but usually they're more decisive... once we come to a decision, males are more likely to stick with that, unless new information or whatever leads us to rethink that decision and make a change...

At least that's what I learned from dating a lot of girls... and of course, every one of them is different...

As for the "Rissa Rocket"... well, it could be worse...

It COULD be a tattoo... LOL

Those are hard to change... a rocket can ALWAYS be repainted... LOL

Later and sorry bro... it'll get better... main thing is, DON'T STAY DOWN... get back right back up on that horse and back in the saddle... living well is the best revenge... LOL

I once had a girl who I was dating out in Charlotte, NC, who was whining about being alone on Thanksgiving... couldn't afford to go back to western Missouri to be with her family... I had agreed to go to New Jersey to meet a girl I'd been writing to up there for several months, but since I was already "kinda involved" with this girl in NC, I called the other one and begged off the trip to NJ... we were supposed to meet and go to a "couples retreat" put on by her church (which turned out to be mostly old folks, so it was okay that it fell through). I made arrangements to drive from Houston to Charlotte to be with my new girlfriend over Thanksgiving, so she wouldn't be alone, and she was ecstatic... until I got there and she treated me like crap... some of her friends were uppity and thought I was a little too "redneck" to fit in their social levels, and it was bothering her since she SO wanted to "fit in" and "move up the social ladder" (which I could care less about). After being given the cold shoulder for a day or so after having driven 1200 miles to be with HER, and her "not even sure she wanted me there" I took a walk, and went down to the apartment swimming pool/tennis courts and called home... talked to my Dad, which was pretty unusual for me, but he gave me some good advice-- "why hang around wasting time with a girl who doesn't even know if she wants you there-- didn't you have a date set up to meet that girl in NJ?? Heck, I'd go on up there, and to heck with this wishy-washy one in NC-- leave her there to make up her mind if she wants you around or not-- don't be depressed and sit around waiting for her to figure it out-- get back up on that horse and keep riding! If it were me, I'd just pack up and take off and drive up to New Jersey and see this other girl... see how that goes... what have you got to lose??" That's exactly what I did...

As it turns out, I had a great week with Beth in NJ and we hit it off pretty well... enough so that she wanted me to come back and spend more time with them over the holidays... which I did... spent several weeks with them as a matter of fact. On my way home, I went back through NC... my gf there gave me the third degree for taking off; she didn't know if I'd gone home, or gone in the woods and shot myself, or what... (yeah, right, like I was going to do something like that over HER... she wasn't all that anyway LOL... BUT, this too was eye-opening-- my MOTHER did the same psycho nutjob stuff with my Dad when they were dating, and with the rest of us basically our entire lives-- "where were you?? Didn't hear from you and thought maybe you were dead in a ditch somewhere!! Why didn't you call??" (thanks for being an optimist, mom!) LOL All this crap proved to me that this chick was FAR too similar in behavior to my mom (psycho) so I broke it off then and there... adios amiga...

At any rate, it's a learning experience... I tried (and pretty much DID) learn something from EVERY girl that I dated... and if nothing else, it was worth the experience... and it helped me later on...

Later and good luck, and keep the faith-- tomorrow will be a better day!
OL JR

Burn the receipts. Repaint and rename the rocket. Grill burgers on the fire started by receipts, have a beer and plan your next launch.

n3tjm said:

The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.
.

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An N5800 should take care of that!!!!

Sorry to hear of your pain. Like others have said "been there, done that"
I have been fortunate over the years to remain friends with most of my EX's. it doesn't happen over night.
You will feel better in time.

Keep your chin up.

The best advice I can give right now, is to focus on yourself for a bit. Be happy being you. I know initial thoughts are always "how can I get her back!" But doing anything, anything at all is going to simply push her away. That kind of behavior also makes you less attractive to other women.

Be you. Be happy being you. Confidence and strength are attractive to women. Whiney needy and begging is not.

Twenty years of failed relationships have taught me that. Well, that and to walk away before trying to change anything about myself.

closet astronaut said:

... My wife is German, stubborn, hard headed...

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Cat Stevens had the same advice back in the day:

https://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/cat+stevens/hard+headed+woman_20028184.html

n3tjm said:

The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.

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Doug

I personally would strip the decals off and repaint the rocket if necessary. You don't really want to part with a really nice rocket, especially since it was your L3 rocket.

Since it was originally a Patriot - give it a scale paint job.:wink:

Glad to hear things are going better for you.

Doug -

Like the others have said, almost all of us have been through it, sometimes several times. In my case I had a broken engagement when I was about 20 or 21; I was married and divorced after 15 years - with huge financial implications and a long custody dispute that I eventually won (I'll take the broken engagement over that any day of the week); and, even at my age, it still happens - I was seeing someone important to me a few years ago who was totally involved in my life and with my kids only to have her tell me one fine day 3 years ago that she'd met some guy online and was dumping me for him. A couple weeks ago she stopped by to visit (she still talks to my daughter a lot and wants to be friends with me) and I had the distinct pleasure of getting to hold her 5 month old son from the guy she dumped me for and having to tell her how glad I was she was finally able to have her own kid at age 45.

This is a part of life for all of us and a part of what builds character in a man. There are no guarantees that things will work out with someone but, especially at your young age, usually someone else comes along that you are happier with. Not that we don't keep the memories (at least those of us who are among the more sentimental types) or sometimes wonder "what if" - just know that, if it's any condolence, most of us have been through the same thing, sometimes many times. Good luck with things, hope to see you at a CMASS launch again sometime.

samb said:

Cat Stevens had the same advice back in the day:

https://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/cat+stevens/hard+headed+woman_20028184.html

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That's pretty slick, he's right on the money.

n3tjm said:

Today I spent time with several friends. Sat on the porch with neighbors, spent some time in the dorm with the guys that are here for campus prep. I didn't get the chores I wanted to done, but It was too painful being by myself, and being with others made me feel better.

Click to expand...

First off ,I wasnt going to reply to this thread.
Not to be mean,but it is what it is and you just have to deal with it. Time will heal, life still goes on and so will you. No ifs ands or buts about it.
There is no rhyme or reason why women do the things they do.
They can shut off their emotions like a light switch.Love you today,leave you tonight. Amazing!
Its just an ability they have that men dont.
Anywhoo- I have to say, the above is the best thing you can be doing at this time.
My first wife walked out on me one eve and was 1500 miles away the next day and never came back.
Took my son with her...I thought I was going to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had absolutley no clue that it was coming(her leaving)Talk about a shocker...!!!!!!
The being along was a KILLER to me also.
I do feel your pain and I know its a kind of pain thats all its own and that it hurts real deep.
Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with friends and family.
Dont try and figure it out...you will just drive yourself crazy and prolong the healing process.
As others have said..if it wasnt for her leaving me,I would not be with the wonderfull woman Im with now.
Sandy is the best thing that has happened to me. Heck,even my ex likes her...:lol:

closet astronaut said:

Like a finger in the eye!..(I LOVE you...but I don't want to see you any more). Here's my advise, and this may piss off a few woman, and coming from a 49 year old happily married for *28* years. GET AWAY FROM AMERICAN WOMAN. they've been culturized, as soon as the puppy love wares off, it's time to move on. Walking away, divorce is the accepted way of life now. My wife is German, stubborn, hard headed...just like me. The best prospects for marriage now are foreign woman. I do realize there are still a *very* few woman left that are worth the effort, but they are far and few inbetween.

On the bright side, hey, you weren't married so she won't be taking half your stuff, your house and your money.

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Well, that's ONE way of looking at it... but then again, you have to ask yourself (not so much with a German woman from a similar level of affluence, but with a foreign wife from a poorer nation) "Is she marrying ME, or is she just marrying to get the GREEN CARD?"

The REAL trick nowdays is finding someone who's worth a d@mn, that's for sure... as time goes by, seems like people are just sorrier and sorrier-- I know we used to have renters in our farmhouse at Shiner, and over the decades as I grew up and eventually graduated and ran the farms for my grandmother and helped her with it, we just kept getting lousier and lousier people... kinda goes hand in hand with the general degeneration of society at large... Finally got SO bad that I convinced her to just quit renting the farmhouse altogether-- better to sit empty and risk rotting down or burning down than have scumbags "rent" it for six months to a year, get behind in their rent, take advantage of your attempts to "help" them by allowing them to "catch up" and have them move out and destroy the place, leaving you with a repair bill that was as much or more than they paid the entire time they were there... IOW, a break-even situation at best... just not worth the time/trouble/effort.

Much the same is true of dating... most of the people I went to school with were turds or alcoholics or dope smokers or sex-crazed or just general scumbags... There were basically only about maybe a half-dozen people I would even associate with when I was in school, because MOST of my schoolmates morals were so non-existant. I only dated two girls when I was in high school-- a girl I went to church with from time to time, and a sister of one of my friends...

When I started dating, I did internet dating... I'd go to dating sites, most church-affiliated or 'Christian pen-pal and dating' type sites, and started off being "pen-pals". You get to know people first, and find out about them... either you find things in common and interest grows, or it doesn't... if you're "not her type" or whatever, then it's usually over and done with after a few emails or in a couple weeks or so. IF there's potential there, you get to know each other better, and then get together... IMHO a MUCH better way of doing it than going to bars or dances or whatever, where you're likely only to meet barflies, alcoholics, or 'loose women', or people with dissimilar moral and ethical views and values than yourself.

I met a lot of girls online... online "dating" was just getting started good when I was looking back in the mid-late 90's... Even looking for women with similar moral standards as myself, it was still like looking for a needle in a haystack-- I wrote to many dozens of girls, met probably a couple dozen, and dated about a dozen or so over a period of a few years... it was definitely a learning experience-- about myself, as well as about the female half of the species... Even when you find someone that shares your moral and ethical standards, finding one with their head screwed on straight is a whole other matter. I dated a couple girls who were "23 going on 14" as I called it... they had "Princess Syndrome" where they were still in this starry-eyed teenager mode where they were utterly convinced that they'd meet Prince Charming, who'd be handsome, happy, wealthy, and wise, who'd sweep them off their feet, buy them everything they ever dreamed of, and live happily ever after... They hadn't discovered this thing called "REAL LIFE" where that sort of thing just doesn't happen, or doesn't happen very often... and some of them hadn't realized that they weren't likely to get that either... having a nose like a doorknob and being a plain-Jane gal, or being a 5-3 girl weighing 200 pounds doesn't exactly have Prince Charmings lining up outside your door... (though I could see past that sort of thing, but the Prince Charming type guys usually don't... they want Snow Whites or Sleeping Beauties or Princess Jasmine's... IOW, HOT CHICKS!! I parted ways with one girl who we were talking about getting engaged to, because she was "embarrassed" by me-- she was always trying to change me, to make me more acceptable to her "friends", who were all upper-crust types... the "beautiful people", young professional executive types and such that look like they belong on TV... fit and trim and very refined... whereas my girlfriend who was SO desperate to fit in with them and gain their approval was 5-3 and 200 pounds, and I was 6-1 and 250 pounds at the time, and very much a "country boy" whereas she was a young teacher working at the church school (and thus near penniless). I realized that she wanted the 'big house on the hill' and the "new Mercedes in the garage", and I could care less about those things-- so long as I have a vehicle that runs and nice quiet home in the country, and can do what I like, I'm happy...

In the rampant commercialism, consumerism type society we've become, especially now with the "me generation" mentality and "entitlement" philosophy that seems to drive most people, it's darn hard to find someone who's worth a darn... VERY hard...

BUT, you have to KEEP LOOKING. It's true you MAY find a diamond in the local bar, just like you MIGHT find a diamond sifting through acres of mud in central Arkansas... BUT your odds are MUCH BETTER looking in places where people with the kinds of beliefs and values you want in a mate are more likely to be... and it makes NO sense to 'settle' for someone who doesn't share your values, on the hope that you'll change them later... I read a pamphlet one time on dating at church when I was a teenager, and something it said has stuck with me all these years-- "If you want a Cadillac, go GET a Cadillac-- don't get a busted Chevy and try to MAKE it into a Cadillac". IOW, if you date someone who's lousy, they are likely going to REMAIN lousy, despite your best efforts to change them. People have to WANT to change, on their OWN, and attempting to "force" someone to change, or to "guide" them or "lead" them to change from outside usually never works. "Helping" someone is one thing, but basically, you don't want to get into a situation where you're trying to MAKE someone into the type of person you want to marry... because the odds are incalculably high against it working.

The other thing I always thought was a good idea was, "don't date someone you wouldn't consider marrying." Now, sure, you go out with someone you hardly know, and get to know them over time, both good and bad things.... but if it comes out that there are problems that would preclude you marrying them, then it's better to part company rather than continuing a relationship that will hurt more to end later on, or worse yet, lead to an incompatible marriage that ends in failure and divorce. There were a few girls I dated that I figured out, over time, that I wouldn't marry, or if I *did* marry, I'd have a miserable and lousy life... so I ended it... and I'm sure there were more than a few that figured out that I wasn't ambitious enough for them, or not as driven to be rich or whatever, as they wanted to be, and thus wouldn't be a good match for them, either, and THEY ended it.

The point is, you have to STICK WITH IT and just keep searching until you find that special one, the one where all the stars align and things just "click"... at that point, it will "just happen" with very little help from either of you... (not to say it requires NO effort, but you definitely will not have to "force it" to happen, to be sure!) And believe me, the rewards are well worth the effort...

"Be not unequally yoked..." Learn it, live it... it's worth it...

Later! OL JR

Screw 'Dear Abby'- this place is da schizzle!

fyrwrxz said:

Screw 'Dear Abby'- this place is da schizzle!

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She lived to 94 telling people how to run their lives. I know a few people that are trying that method..ya know..telling people how to run their lives. :eyeroll:

Scotty Dog said:

She lived to 94 telling people how to run their lives. I know a few people that are trying that method..ya know..telling people how to run their lives. :eyeroll:

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Yep!

American women have taught me to be selfish.

Be interested in myself and they want to know all about it. Don't include them in most of your activities. Keeps them interested, they want to know what your doing. Catnip!

luke strawwalker said:

Well, that's ONE way of looking at it... but then again, you have to ask yourself (not so much with a German woman from a similar level of affluence, but with a foreign wife from a poorer nation) "Is she marrying ME, or is she just marrying to get the GREEN CARD

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This is quite true, the 2 1/2 years I spent in Germany during my Army years, we were warned regularly about this but I have known several people who married Germans and are still happily married, one couple I know met just after the second WW and are still married. The secretary where I work is German and met her husband while he was in, they've been married over fifteen years.

luke strawwalker said:

It's true you MAY find a diamond in the local bar,

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This is also true, this where I met mine, well not really a local bar, but a dance club. Of course she was 22 and I was 19...(nnnnnnnninteen).
Look it up, you can probably find it on youtube.

n3tjm said:

The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.

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IMHO, I would just re-paint it and rename it. No sense in getting rid of such a nice rocket.

n3tjm said:

Today I spent time with several friends. Sat on the porch with neighbors, spent some time in the dorm with the guys that are here for campus prep. I didn't get the chores I wanted to done, but It was too painful being by myself, and being with others made me feel better.

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Hanging out with friends is a great thing to do -- gotta keep life moving forward, and keep it a positive happy experience, doing things you enjoy. Sitting by yourself, feeling miserable will just make you miserable. In time, it will get easier.

The Rissa Rocket is in my office. Not sure what to do with it.

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If seeing it is difficult, put it in a corner, and put something over it. But let the pain soften a bit before you decide what to do -- a decision made now won't be the most rational.

-Kevin

Do what I did with Rissa the Rocket. Give it to a friend to hold on to. You'll forget about it sooner than you think. After a while, you or your friend will remember the rocket and then you can make a decision about it. Or bring it home.