thy daughter (humor)

To avoid the risk of going even FURTHER off-topic, i decided to start a new thread in the proper forum...

I was noticing the comments made to KenParker about the Antares pix including his daughter and he commented about his fatherly dating rules about being able to date after 35 or when he's dead and buried...

well, thought all the dads with growing daughters would appreciate *my* solution to the dating concerns....

What you do is let them "date" at whatever you feel is a reasonable age (eg: 14, 16, 37, whatever), but you explain to her "date", that there is the small detail of the "deposit"...

You explain that there is a deposit of $20 for your "daughter on a date". Explain that it is "only a deposit, not a fee". To recover the deposit, he simply has to have her home, IN the front door, no later than (insert time here).

If he's late, he forfits the deposit. If said deposit is forfited, then it doubles to $40 on the next date, and again on the next, etc. He NEVER losses a dime if he brings her home on time, but it starts to get VERY expensive if he doesn't.

now...

...at SOME point, he is either going to get her home on time, OR stop dating her all together, and frankly (as a dad), we don't really care which...

LOL

Where were you when I needed you

Wow Jim. Talk about the perfect solution. That is so clever!

>breaks out journal and takes notes for future fatherhood reference<

...so that's how you really started FlisKits! The question now is, "How many daughters do you have?" j/k Nice tip!

I think I better start saving if this idea takes off!

OK, I have had this for years...many of you have probably seen it, including Ken, whom I am sure has many of these applied, but it's a classic! As a matter of fact, my daughter is approaching the teen years...so I have been practicing myself...hmmm...time to go polish those shooting trophies again!


<b>Rules for Dating my Daughter</b>

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than > a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

My favorite 'dating my daughter' quote is from the movie clueless. The father says to the wuld be boyfriend: "You can take her out, but just remember one thing: I own a shovel, and a gun!"

Carl,

I have read that list many times...

...every time I see it, I am compeled to read it, start to finish...

...never fails to hurt my gut and bring tears to my eyes...

ROTFLMAO

My daughter has been out on a *few* dates. I have one irrefutable rule about the matter with her being a tender 14 years old. Either her mother or I must accompany her - AT ALL TIMES - during the date.

Now, the several times when this topic has come up, I will admit that while I was repeating this rule to my daughter I just happened to be wearing one of my 45 ACP competition pistols, with a CETME .308 combat rifle slung over my back, and my home defense shotgun in my hands.

For some reason, *EVERY* time she has chosen her mother to accompany her on her dates.

I simply don't understand the logic she is using to make her decision on this matter. Not to mention that my feelings are hurt....

LOL

now, outfit your wife with a cross bow and/or a compound bow and a full quill...


...watch your daughter turn from one of you to the other, back again...

...in a quandry...

LOL

Well, I have one daughter and 2 boys, it's always the daughter that you worry about, I don't know, that's just the way it is.
Well, the first date (she had to be 16 to go without us), it was a prom. This young boy came over all dressed up in his nice sporting blue camaro. I didn't ask if it was his, I didn't care. After the hellos were out of the way, I indicated that I would like to see that nice looking car, (my ploy to get him alone), not that I cared but I didn't want to embarrass anyone. Anyway, I said listen fellow, I don't really care about your car but I do want to issue a warning. Me and her Mother have known her for 16 years, we've know you for 16 minutes, who do you think means the most to us? obvious answer, he said her. I have known of every time she has ever been hurt, even a small scratch. Now your taking her tonight in perfect condition, that's exactly how I want her returned. Believe me I will know, parents always know when something isn't right with one of their own. Anyway, here's what you have to remember, it's very easy. If she doesn't come back exactly like she leaves, I will kill you!! and if I can't kill you I have 4 older brothers and all of them are bigger and meaner then I. That was my total message. By the look on his face I think he believed me, smart kid. My daughter shared with me later, Dad, why did he ask me if you really had 4 older brothers...
I never saw that one again.:kill:
Here's a short one that always made my daughter yell. Whenever a boy would call I would always question them. Who is this and why do you want to talk to my only daughter? Are you on the Honor roll? Do you wear what I would consider stupid cloths? Do you have holes in any parts of your body that you were not born with? By then she would have gotten the phone.
I always had fun with it.

Extremely Funny!!! Any tips on how to get a date

I dunno...its been so long since I had to worry about dating. What I do know is the list of people whose daughters you shouldn't date is growing

Yeah. Seems that way . However, you'd never know. I am 24, college grad, could mean that I am a nice young gentleman ... Even though... I still have to greet the shotgun!

I knew sombody used to polish his guns when his daughters male friends would come over...

"Hi Son. How you doing? What time will my daughter be home? 10? Good."

Originally posted by jflis
there is a deposit of $20

Click to expand...

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!!!


My daughter is cute enough, this approach would pay for a sizeable portion of her college tuitions.

While off the rocketry threads, and over in humor-land, has anyone heard the new version of the old song "Yakety Yak (Don't Talk Back)"? You can get it for free on the website vincevance.net and it is definitely worth a listen