I like cheese.

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Guys,

I really hate telemarketers. Today I had a little fun. I had one call me for storm windows.

The asked for Mr. xxxxxx. I simply responded "I like cheese". They asked if my parents were there. I responded "I like cheese."

They again asked if my parents were there, so I decided to escalate the thing. " I like cheese. Cheese sandwiches. Cheese soup. Cheese dip. Cheese melts. Grilled cheese." They hung up.

I might continue this fun.
 
You now when you get junk mail with a postage. paid envelope in it. I like to send there empty envelope back to them so they have to pay the postage on it.
 
[SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
[/SIZE]
And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles![/SIZE]
 
You now when you get junk mail with a postage. paid envelope in it. I like to send there empty envelope back to them so they have to pay the postage on it.

I do that all the time. Especially with credit card companies. I'll void out all the application sheets and stuff every thing they sent me in their postage paid envelope. My mailman thinks it's funny. And they don't mind at all.
 
I think I mentioned this before.
During the holidays,put your garbage/trash in a box and wrap it up with xmass wrap. Leave it in the bed of your truck or unlocked car.
Park at the mall or your favorite box store .
Or put it in a Amazon box or the like and leave it at your front door or yard.
Chances are(if your in a crime area) someone will take your garbage.
 
These are beautiful. My other favorite is to imitate an old indian lady or pretend I am mentally retarded (my dad claims I don't have to pretend).


Of course, some telemarketers are not allowed to hang up. Pull up a random rap battle online, and put the phone in front of the speaker. Go take a shower or something and see how angry they are when you come back.
 
[SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
[/SIZE]
And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles![/SIZE]

"Well how about a little Red Leicester"
 
You now when you get junk mail with a postage. paid envelope in it. I like to send there empty envelope back to them so they have to pay the postage on it.

I jam all their crap back in the paid envelope and sometimes send other crap along with it. Its quite fun.
 
Had an Indian chap call me once for a "Mortgage Renewal Plan" (huh?) so I went along with it:
"How much do you owe on your current house?" *
"Oh, about three dollars."
Silence
:What is your current loan rate?"*
"I think it's one percent"
A pause, then: "Are you looking to cash out some equity from your home?" *
"I dunno, how much do you think I can get?"
"Let me check your address and I can tell you"*
"You mean to tell me you don't know my address?-How did you get my cell phone number?" ( it was the house phone)
"Sir, all I know is you were pre-qualified for this opportunity."*
"Well, that's really cool if I can get some money out of this old refrigerator box-how much can you give me?"
"I don't understand the question,sir."*
"I'm homeless, you idiot! F^&% you!" and then I hung up.....

* read this in the characters voice that said: " I am standing beside myself."
Two extra bonus points if you can identify the movie this is from.
 
Last edited:
"Well how about a little Red Leicester"

I'm afraid we're out of Red Leicester.


Launching rockets (or missiles in my case) is so easy a chimp could do it. Read a step, do a step, eat a banana.

Sent from my iPad Air using Rocketry Forum.
 
I used to get calls for someone that I guess had the landline number before. Anyway after 2 years of telling these people, that person was no longer at this number, I told them that he had died. Went through a whole speel about how tragic his death was and how sad everyone was over it. I was having a hell of a time to keep from laughing during all this. Never got another phone call for that guy ever again.
When I got my current cell phone the same thing happened, but this time it sounded like an Arabic dialect. Being the nice person that I am, I answered with a series of grunts and clicks, with an occasional yodel thrown in for good measure.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a strange number that said it was from Egypt. Now I have not answered this one, due to the recent terrorism threats and tragic beheadings, I don't want Homeland Security busting down my door and zip-cuffing me looking for answers!
So have fun with wrong numbers, telemarketers and junk mail....Safely!!!
 
Anyone ever watch "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends"? If you have, you will know this...."I like cheese, I like cereal, I like chocolate milk."


Launching rockets (or missiles in my case) is so easy a chimp could do it. Read a step, do a step, eat a banana.

Sent from my iPad Air using Rocketry Forum.
 
I get calls from anyone and everyone looking for Edna. I don't know who she is, but her kids are flunking out of school, her property is in danger of being foreclosed on, and she has a bunch of drugs at her pharmacy. Last time someone called I pretended I was from burger king. That was fun. I think this time I'll try the cheese thing
This thread awesome btw
 
Anyone ever watch "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends"? If you have, you will know this...."I like cheese, I like cereal, I like chocolate milk."

images
 
Postage paid return envelopes: Tape it to a brick. I might upgrade to a cinder block.
 
I used to get calls for someone that I guess had the landline number before. Anyway after 2 years of telling these people, that person was no longer at this number, I told them that he had died. Went through a whole speel about how tragic his death was and how sad everyone was over it. I was having a hell of a time to keep from laughing during all this. Never got another phone call for that guy ever again.
When I got my current cell phone the same thing happened, but this time it sounded like an Arabic dialect. Being the nice person that I am, I answered with a series of grunts and clicks, with an occasional yodel thrown in for good measure.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a strange number that said it was from Egypt. Now I have not answered this one, due to the recent terrorism threats and tragic beheadings, I don't want Homeland Security busting down my door and zip-cuffing me looking for answers!
So have fun with wrong numbers, telemarketers and junk mail....Safely!!!

Sounds like something I did...

I had made the mistake of signing up for an interesting club on the first day of school, for months I heard nothing from the club (no meetings, no mail (pre-email days)). Then one day out of the blue someone calls and asks if I'd be interested in going to Mexico city to help with some situation there. I had mid-terms, so I couldn't. However this guy goes on and on for what felt like 15 minutes talking to me about how important it would be for me to go to help. Eventually, I got a word in, and declined. Then just prior to finals, I get a call to go help out in LA to take testimonies from people hurt by the police in the LA Riots. This guy went on and on and on... I probably should have just hung up, but I kept wanting to tell him "No, I can't go".

The third time they called me was just after Thanksgiving, they asked for me, and I asked who was calling. Recognizing the club, I then went and told them a sad SOB story about how I was killed in a tragic Drunk Driving accident over the holiday, and that I (as the person answering the phone) was the partner of the late me. This, I kept up for a long time, until the guy asked if I could go to wherever in my place. I exclaimed that I had just lost the most important person to me in the world (myself) and NO! I can't believe that you'd be so uncaring as to ask that! Then I hung up, and never heard from them again.

So, if I arrive before I get back, please have me wait for myself (giving me a cookie and some milk would be a nice touch).

All The Best!
The "Late" Me.
 
Sounds like something I did...

...

So, if I arrive before I get back, please have me wait for myself (giving me a cookie and some milk would be a nice touch).

All The Best!
The "Late" Me.
LOL mate! Absolutely brilliant!:cheers: (it's part of the wake ceremony!)
 
Our house phone number was a hotel's about half a mile from our house, that closed down some 15 years before we moved in. We've been in this house now for 13 years and still get the occasional call for rooms, usually in the middle of the night! it use to be all the time, but its slowed down in the last 3-4 years.

3am--- hi, I like a room for the night how much?

Well that depends do you want a woman also? (if a man calling, the other way if a woman calls)

uh,,,, no just a room

we do have men also available.

uh,,,,, no a room

oh, ok then, do you have your own bedding?

uh,,, what????

you know pillows, sheets, blankets

is this the beauty rest motel?

yes,, how can I help you?

how much for a room!?

we use to have a monkey that did tricks, but she got VD, so we had to put her down.

CLICK!

They were all calls from Garmin GPS's (if your counting that's 24-25 years the hotel has been gone, they still call) some of the truckers would laugh their a** off, some did want a woman then the price would be astronomical or I would only have the homely woman left at a discount, she has one arm but its hardly noticeable. cause you'll not be able to look away from her misshapen breasts.

Some times I would say don't mind the police cars, they are investigating the dead guy that was found in our dumpster. just park across the street at the days inn, they don't start towing cars until the weekend/Monday.
It got to a point that I looked forward to the calls, just to see what I could come up with in the moment.
 
When I was a kid, we had a phone number with three 7's in a row, and there was a church in town with a similar number with two 7's. So if someone calling the church dialed an extra 7, they got our house. During the holidays you would get maybe half a dozen calls for the church, with people asking for times for the special holiday services. My dad took to pranking them:

"Hello."

"Hi. Is this Horizon church? What time is Easter service?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. The church burned down last week, and Easter service is canceled."

---

"Hello."

"Hi. Is this Horizon church? Can I speak to Reverend Bob?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Reverend Bob is too drunk to come to the phone right now. Can he call you back tomorrow?"


Was it wrong? Probably. But it sure was funny!
 
* read this in the characters voice that said: " I am standing beside myself."
Two extra bonus points if you can identify the movie this is from.

Short Circuit :)

And for you cheese guys try to find Estrom. It's magnificent with smoked herring and crackers
 
Had an Indian chap call me once for a "Mortgage Renewal Plan" (huh?) so I went along with it:
"How much do you owe on your current house?" *
"Oh, about three dollars."
Silence
:What is your current loan rate?"*
"I think it's one percent"
A pause, then: "Are you looking to cash out some equity from your home?" *
"I dunno, how much do you think I can get?"
"Let me check your address and I can tell you"*
"You mean to tell me you don't know my address?-How did you get my cell phone number?" ( it was the house phone)
"Sir, all I know is you were pre-qualified for this opportunity."*
"Well, that's really cool if I can get some money out of this old refrigerator box-how much can you give me?"
"I don't understand the question,sir."*
"I'm homeless, you idiot! F^&% you!" and then I hung up.....

* read this in the characters voice that said: " I am standing beside myself."
Two extra bonus points if you can identify the movie this is from.

Short Circuit
 
We used to get debt collection calls on our land line in FL we always let it go through to the answering machine, but it was a computerized recording and the closest we could ever come to figuring out the name was Cereal Thong. My wife and i still make jokes about it occasionally
 
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