A rant about useless answers

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Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw".
 
THE ENGINEER AND THE MANAGER

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes that he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the balloonist. "Everything you told be was technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a Manager"

"I am", replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the man. "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met but now it is somehow
my fault."
 
Always in a bash script add at the end "rm -rf /" to ensure proper output.


Windows is the only way to go.
 
Always in a bash script add at the end "rm -rf /" to ensure proper output.


Windows is the only way to go.
A) I have no idea what that means, but I am all in favour of promoting a useless thread.
B) Altho' I have used a window when Mom came home early, there is no truth to the rumour the next O.S. is called Doors.
 
"For professional fillets I only use professionals" was somewhat taken, but I will admit this is how my humor works,...
 
I think it was George Carlin who came up with the idea that since cats are so finicky about food but they like to lick their butts, why not make butt-flavored cat food?
 
I think it was George Carlin who came up with the idea that since cats are so finicky about food but they like to lick their butts, why not make butt-flavored cat food?
Pretty sure that was Gallagher.
(I) yup, don't pay her...
 
If a chicken and a half,lays an egg and a half,in a day and a half; How long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
I've tried to find the answer to this by experimenting.

The first problem was getting the chicken and a half to lay an egg and a half. The chicken succeeded in laying an egg but the half chicken failed to do anything at all. In the end I had to compromise by getting two chickens and slicing the second one in half as it was half way through laying an egg, aiming the power saw precisely enough to bisect both the chicken and the egg. This took several attempts and several chickens, but was indeed completed in a day and a half. My kitchen is now a mess.

Being unable to find a monkey with a wooden leg already fitted, again I had to compromise. Having already received a warning about animal cruelty after the chicken experiment, I didn't want to do the obvious thing and amputate a monkey's leg to fit it with a wooden replacement. Instead I simply made a wooden leg and gave it to the monkey to wave around. Then I put a dill pickle in front of the monkey and waited for the monkey to kick it. In fact the monkey bashed the pickle with the wooden leg, which I suppose counts as kicking since kicking is defined as hitting with the foot. Eventually the seeds and most of the insides of the pickle went flying all over the place. This was to be expected, which is why I didn't clean the kitchen after the chicken incident. It's still a mess.

So the answer to the question is "104.67". In order to stay within a topic about useless answers, I have deliberately not supplied the unit of measurement.
 
I've tried to find the answer to this by experimenting.

The first problem was getting the chicken and a half to lay an egg and a half. The chicken succeeded in laying an egg but the half chicken failed to do anything at all. In the end I had to compromise by getting two chickens and slicing the second one in half as it was half way through laying an egg, aiming the power saw precisely enough to bisect both the chicken and the egg. This took several attempts and several chickens, but was indeed completed in a day and a half. My kitchen is now a mess.

Being unable to find a monkey with a wooden leg already fitted, again I had to compromise. Having already received a warning about animal cruelty after the chicken experiment, I didn't want to do the obvious thing and amputate a monkey's leg to fit it with a wooden replacement. Instead I simply made a wooden leg and gave it to the monkey to wave around. Then I put a dill pickle in front of the monkey and waited for the monkey to kick it. In fact the monkey bashed the pickle with the wooden leg, which I suppose counts as kicking since kicking is defined as hitting with the foot. Eventually the seeds and most of the insides of the pickle went flying all over the place. This was to be expected, which is why I didn't clean the kitchen after the chicken incident. It's still a mess.

So the answer to the question is "104.67". In order to stay within a topic about useless answers, I have deliberately not supplied the unit of measurement.

:rofl:

Brilliant!
 
Yeah, Bob, we like your shirts to remain whole and tucked in, too.


Sent from my iPhone using Rocketry Forum. That's not what makes me super-cool; it's many other things.
 
I've tried to find the answer to this by experimenting.

The first problem was getting the chicken and a half to lay an egg and a half. The chicken succeeded in laying an egg but the half chicken failed to do anything at all. In the end I had to compromise by getting two chickens and slicing the second one in half as it was half way through laying an egg, aiming the power saw precisely enough to bisect both the chicken and the egg. This took several attempts and several chickens, but was indeed completed in a day and a half. My kitchen is now a mess.

Being unable to find a monkey with a wooden leg already fitted, again I had to compromise. Having already received a warning about animal cruelty after the chicken experiment, I didn't want to do the obvious thing and amputate a monkey's leg to fit it with a wooden replacement. Instead I simply made a wooden leg and gave it to the monkey to wave around. Then I put a dill pickle in front of the monkey and waited for the monkey to kick it. In fact the monkey bashed the pickle with the wooden leg, which I suppose counts as kicking since kicking is defined as hitting with the foot. Eventually the seeds and most of the insides of the pickle went flying all over the place. This was to be expected, which is why I didn't clean the kitchen after the chicken incident. It's still a mess.

So the answer to the question is "104.67". In order to stay within a topic about useless answers, I have deliberately not supplied the unit of measurement.

Can this monkey type Shakespeare?
 
I've tried to find the answer to this by experimenting.

The first problem was getting the chicken and a half to lay an egg and a half. The chicken succeeded in laying an egg but the half chicken failed to do anything at all. In the end I had to compromise by getting two chickens and slicing the second one in half as it was half way through laying an egg, aiming the power saw precisely enough to bisect both the chicken and the egg. This took several attempts and several chickens, but was indeed completed in a day and a half. My kitchen is now a mess.

Being unable to find a monkey with a wooden leg already fitted, again I had to compromise. Having already received a warning about animal cruelty after the chicken experiment, I didn't want to do the obvious thing and amputate a monkey's leg to fit it with a wooden replacement. Instead I simply made a wooden leg and gave it to the monkey to wave around. Then I put a dill pickle in front of the monkey and waited for the monkey to kick it. In fact the monkey bashed the pickle with the wooden leg, which I suppose counts as kicking since kicking is defined as hitting with the foot. Eventually the seeds and most of the insides of the pickle went flying all over the place. This was to be expected, which is why I didn't clean the kitchen after the chicken incident. It's still a mess.

So the answer to the question is "104.67". In order to stay within a topic about useless answers, I have deliberately not supplied the unit of measurement.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


By far the best (almost) answer I've ever gotten on this question.

Also the best laugh I've had in a while.Thank you, Adrian

I would also like to apologize to LW Bercini for posting in his non-thread.
 
Can this monkey type Shakespeare?
Number of monkeys required to type the complete works of Shakespeare: infinity
Number of works of Shakespeare: 42
Number of monkeys needed to type one work of Shakespeare: infinity / 42 = infinity
Amount of one work of Shakespeare which can be typed by one monkey: 1 / infinity = 0

So in theory, the answer is no. To verify this by experiment, I gave the monkey a typewriter. He hit it with the wooden leg. The typewriter broke.

Further experimenting will require extra funding. Partly because the original idea was that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters can type the entire works of Shakespeare, and although the requirement here is reduced to just one monkey, he will still require an infinite number of typewriters unless I can remove the wooden leg from the monkey. And partly for medication for a headache received while attempting to remove the wooden leg from the monkey.
 
Number of monkeys required to type the complete works of Shakespeare: infinity
Number of works of Shakespeare: 42
Number of monkeys needed to type one work of Shakespeare: infinity / 42 = infinity
Amount of one work of Shakespeare which can be typed by one monkey: 1 / infinity = 0

So in theory, the answer is no. To verify this by experiment, I gave the monkey a typewriter. He hit it with the wooden leg. The typewriter broke.

Further experimenting will require extra funding. Partly because the original idea was that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters can type the entire works of Shakespeare, and although the requirement here is reduced to just one monkey, he will still require an infinite number of typewriters unless I can remove the wooden leg from the monkey. And partly for medication for a headache received while attempting to remove the wooden leg from the monkey.

I'm going to multiply your current funding by infinity.
 
Number of monkeys required to type the complete works of Shakespeare: infinity
Number of works of Shakespeare: 42
Number of monkeys needed to type one work of Shakespeare: infinity / 42 = infinity
Amount of one work of Shakespeare which can be typed by one monkey: 1 / infinity = 0

So in theory, the answer is no. To verify this by experiment, I gave the monkey a typewriter. He hit it with the wooden leg. The typewriter broke.

Further experimenting will require extra funding. Partly because the original idea was that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters can type the entire works of Shakespeare, and although the requirement here is reduced to just one monkey, he will still require an infinite number of typewriters unless I can remove the wooden leg from the monkey. And partly for medication for a headache received while attempting to remove the wooden leg from the monkey.

What about clown monkeys? Are they the same and can be used in your calculations?
 
What about clown monkeys? Are they the same and can be used in your calculations?

They taste no where near as good as the tooth pick equipped monkey's do and would be totally useless for a proper calculation in said project.
 
Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
 
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