Were you bullied?

I heard a discussion on the radio yesterday about the animated classic "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer". They were talking about this program as a way of talking to children about bullying.

So that got me to thinking about getting bullied when I was a kid. And I wondered how similar my experiences were with the folks on this forum.

When you were in middle school (or Jr. High school) ages 11 through 14, would you say you were bullied?

Yes, I was in seventh grade. The kid seated behind me kept poking me in the back and said my brother (4 years older) was a punk. I didn't realize I was being bullied and told my brother what the kid had said. One day my brother came across the kid riding his bicycle. My brother punched him, knocking him off his bike. The kid never bothered me again and we actually became friends in High School.

Well, You already know my answer. You and I got bullied by the same bullies.

Gary Byrum said:

Well, You already know my answer. You and I got bullied by the same bullies.

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Well, yeah. Many a friendship gets forged in the fire of trauma.:handshake:

I just kinda thought it was part of the things you went through growing up.

By that age I had learned to keep to myself. I was bullied in the younger years.

Everyone gets bullied by someone and bullies someone else.

Fact of life.

I got bullied a little by my brother but it was more his friends that pestered me the most until I started swinging a baseball bat!

I flew rockets and played the accordion.
I wasn't bullied but got kidded about my hobbies.

foamy said:

I just kinda thought it was part of the things you went through growing up.

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True, but now with social networking it's anonymous and easier to bully.
This morning on the Today show they reported that nobody asks anybody out for a date face to face.
Now you text when asking to go out on a date.

Anyone that tried to bully me never made a second attempt at it.

hcmbanjo said:

True, but now with social networking it's anonymous and easier to bully.
This morning on the Today show they reported that nobody asks anybody out for a date face to face.
Now you text when asking to go out on a date.

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But I have to wonder: once they go on that date, do they know how to talk to each other? Or do they spend their time taking hits from their eCrack?

Not just junior high for me, more like 5th through 9th grade (physically) and thankfully much sparser making fun of me until I finished high school. I was never athletic enough to be able to hit someone and make them stop (they just hit back much harder), and the teachers did nothing to help - even going so far as to still do nothing while they watched other kids beat me up. Most of the taunting in high school was because I was so nerdy and withdrawn from everyone (because I'm supposed to just 'get over' hating the people who made my life a living hell when I was a kid, right???)

hcmbanjo said:

True, but now with social networking it's anonymous and easier to bully.
This morning on the Today show they reported that nobody asks anybody out for a date face to face.
Now you text when asking to go out on a date.

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Kind of sad, isn't it?

I was bullied until the 8th grade. Then one day my bully pushed me too far, and I snapped. I beat him up in front of the school library, and when I was finished with him, everyone he had bullied at school jumped in and had their turn. No more bullying.

bradycros said:

Anyone that tried to bully me never made a second attempt at it.

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Well, you either took it and just kept getting it or you stood your ground. Standing your ground was about a 50/50 proposition for me. Sometimes I won and sometimes I didn't, but either way, you were no longer a ready target. Bullies prefer people who won't or can't do anything—from my experiences. In fact, most of my grief came from intervening or siding with someone less fortunate—always with bad odds. I still root for underdogs.

foamy said:

Well, you either took it and just kept getting it or you stood your ground. Standing your ground was about a 50/50 proposition for me. Sometimes I won and sometimes I didn't, but either way, you were no longer a ready target. Bullies prefer people who won't or can't do anything—from my experiences. In fact, most of my grief came from intervening or siding with someone less fortunate—always with bad odds. I still root for underdogs.

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At that age I was your stereotypical nerd - fat, glasses, smarter than most of my peers. I couldn't run and I couldn't fight. But I fought back the best way I could - a sharp tongue. As the crowd gathered to watch the nerd get creamed, I could get in some verbal digs that would make the crowd laugh at the bully.

I recall one time saying to the bully in front of everybody: "Well of course you can beat me up. Big whoop. You know I can't fight, so what is so special about beating ME up? So go ahead - do it! But 20 years from now, when I have a good career and you are pumping my gas, guess who will be laughing then?"

(Ok, so I didn't anticipate self-service pumps...)

What's the point of this conversation, where is it headed? People will always suss out their pecking order. You better learn how to deal or cope with it now because it is not going away. Tired of getting bullied at school? Figure it out or else get bullied at work then go home and get bullied by your co-dependant wife. After that, get bullied by you rude neighbor who always puts his trash can on your yard. Time for a diverse? Get bullied by your wife's attorney. Confidence is the anti bully. Get some, punch a bully in his nose then steal his girlfriend. Time and immemorial, this is the way it works.

AlexK said:

Not just junior high for me, more like 5th through 9th grade (physically) and thankfully much sparser making fun of me until I finished high school. I was never athletic enough to be able to hit someone and make them stop (they just hit back much harder), and the teachers did nothing to help - even going so far as to still do nothing while they watched other kids beat me up. Most of the taunting in high school was because I was so nerdy and withdrawn from everyone (because I'm supposed to just 'get over' hating the people who made my life a living hell when I was a kid, right???)

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Oh man this sounds familiar... it's EXACTLY what happened to me growing up.

I was constantly bullied and an outcast in school from elementary school on. My parents were verbally and physically abusive at home, and my grandfather taught me "don't fight back, turn the other cheek" as a kid, so it got worse as time went on. When he died I was 13 and within two years was running the family farms, as Dad was working 60 hours a week for my mom to blow all the money, to the point the power or phone would often be turned off for lack of payment. There were several times in that 15-16 year old range that I nearly committed suicide-- once had the gun to my temple. Backed out and went on.

I sorta sprouted when I was about 16 and got bigger than just about everyone else and was strong as a bull from farm work, muscled up pretty good (I was never athletic or competitive and absolutely HATED sports, since the dumb jocks are the biggest bullies and I was one of the "smart kids", smart enough I could make A's to C's in school without even trying, so that's what I did-- I HATED school with a passion). Things got a little better then, because I guess they started figuring if I snapped they'd probably end up in intensive care... My junior year I won the Texas State Tractor Mechanics Contest and got a scholarship to UTI, which was something NOBODY from our Podunk school had EVER done, and that got me a little respect, which helped. My senior year wasn't too bad at all... I was FFA Treasurer and I heard they even tried to make me class historian, which I absolutely refused... after being treated like sh!t by these people for 11.5 years, it was too late to try to "make it up to me" now... and I didn't want fair-weather friends who suddenly thought I was cool because I was the best FFA mechanic in the state, either... I just sorta kept my distance... Had a couple "buddies" in FFA but not any real close "friends". I still don't, really. I've always been a loner, and its been my experience that "friends" are usually just people who want stuff from you, so I don't even care to make "friends"... I'm perfectly fine with "buddies" and "friendly acquaintances", but I don't want "close friends" who know all my business and come over anytime or want stuff...

Like you, my teachers were absolutely useless when it came to stopping bullying... they would intentionally turn a blind eye, so they didn't have to do anything about it. Heck they weren't even supportive-- wouldn't even commiserate... just "suck it up, cupcake" sort of attitude or thought it was funny. I guess it did make me tough, though... nowdays I'll help "the other guy" out if I can, but I don't particularly care about other folks... I'm sorta like "if I can help, okay, if not, oh well..." I'm much more sensitive to folks who can't help themselves, than for folks who do stupid stuff and are idiots-- I have NO compassion for idiots whatsoever...
When I drove the bus I absolutely forbade bullying and did everything in my power to make sure it didn't go on... probably not perfect but I tried my absolute best to stop/prevent it. Probably part of the reason I got canned... This Podunk dump seems to think bullying is a rather fun sport.

When my own daughter started school, I took a completely different tack with her... We don't pick fights, we don't bully... If we have a problem with someone bullying, we go to the teacher with it FIRST and try to get them to take care of it... BUT if they don't, IF trouble comes our way or someone thinks they can bully us, we hit hard, fast, and don't let up til they're on the ground, and deal with the consequences later... "Better to sit in ISS for a few days for beating the living SH!T out of a bully and them (and everyone else) learning NOT to mess with you, than to put up with a lifetime of bullying." If the school don't like it, they can choke on it. They had their chance to fix it and didn't.

I guess it's a good thing I was born when I was... if I'd been 20 years later or had a different mindset, I'd probably be one of those bullied kids that took a gun to school and blew about half the bullying turds away... oh the humanity! Don't get me wrong, I don't condone that sort of thing, but I DO understand how kids can be driven to such extremes that they simply snap and can't take it anymore, and decide to go out fighting...
Not right, but it happens...

Personally I think teachers and school administrators who are too lazy, self-absorbed, or just plain think it's funny and won't stop bullying by punks are just about the sorriest excuses for humans there are... right down there with kiddie sex abusers IMHO... although I've "forgiven", I sure can't forget, and there's a lot of people roaming around this town that I frankly wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire... they don't deserve the help.

Later! OL JR

Being homeschooled...
No.



Unless my sister and I fighting counts...

at that age range things were getting better for me. 3rd and 4th grade were pretty bad, but switching schools, (due to my brother being bullied and the admin doing nothing), finding some good friends in 5th grade, and middle school and high school were pretty good to me, still had to deal with some random acts of bulling in middle school, but nothing like the targeted stuff earlier on.

12-14 for me. There's always that one or two people that will always try and assert dominance, but those years in particular I got it. We just changed school systems and I was riding the bus first time. There were a couple drop-outs that used to razz me all the time. By drop-outs, I mean they were 17 & 18 in 8th grade... Tried getting me into fights. I never did, but I learned to turn their words against them-the beginnings of my sarcasm... They got arrested or quit for the last time. Never saw them in high school.
After that, I've been in several positions in which people tried to get over on me but haven't succeeded. By succeeded, I mean I didn't fall into their traps physical or emotional. I still run into bullies while driving or at work. I have to walk that fine line between putting up with it or loosing my job, getting a ticket or whatever. I don't like to take crap from anyone and I've taught my kids the same thing. They run into bullying to themselves or someone they know. I stress to them that they don't deserve it and they shouldn't tolerate it happening to someone else either. I've taught tactics for the immediate situation and how to deal legitimately.
I think everyone goes thru it rightly or not. I think it builds your character. I think there have been folks that it gets them too down and couple that with mental health disorders and it goes real bad. Like others have said, you either rise up and stop taking it or let the world walk right over you. Hopefully we can make our kids better stewards for those that have trouble standing up for themselves. I think someone who gets beaten down and receives help can then make a difference for themselves. Then hopefully they look to make a difference for someone else.

I was a 'big quiet teddy bear' type through most of elementary school.

In sixth and seventh grade one punk kid and his gang of little buddies used to beat me up, etc etc. I had been taught in religion class to turn the other cheek, give peace a chance, all that stuff, so mostly i just put up with it. My mother started to get upset when I would come home with blood-stained shirts. She complained to the school and they basically said 'we don't get involved in stuff like this.'

One day in class my main nemesis was turned the other way talking to somebody as usual.

Our school had desks like these.



They were heavy, made out of stamped steel and heavy wood. They weighed probably 60-70 pounds.

Anyway, I got up, grabbed one of the empty desks in the back of the room, hoisted it over my head like a barbell and slam-dunked it down on Punk Boy's head.

He was down for the count, out cold. He came to a few minutes later but he was still messed up.

I was hauled to the principal's office. My parents were called in and I was threatened with expulsion, upon which my dad counter-threatened to yank all my 4 younger siblings out of the school (private school), which would have cost them some 32 child-years of future tuition, so that threat went away real quick.

I think they called in a counselor to explain to me why this was a bad way to solve problems. I sat there and said "yah sure, you betcha, yes sirree sir," until they decided I was OK to return to class.

Punk Boy and his little buddies never messed with me again.


Every several months he friend-requests me on FB. Ehhh... nahhh.

I got bullied some, but not a whole lot. Its funny, I find that folks who reply to questions like this with arrogance and machismo rather than just say "yeah, it happened" are often the ones who got picked on the most... It sucks, but sometimes its a part of growing up.

I recall one time saying to the bully in front of everybody: "Well of course you can beat me up. Big whoop. You know I can't fight, so what is so special about beating ME up? So go ahead - do it! But 20 years from now, when I have a good career and you are pumping my gas, guess who will be laughing then?"

(Ok, so I didn't anticipate self-service pumps...)

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New Jersey and Oregon don't have self-service gas pumps. All the bullies moved there.

Something I find interesting is how we choose new words in different generations to describe things that have happened for years. Back in the early eighties in high school, "bullied" was a term I never heard. For me it was " being picked on". Like others , it happened once or twice where I was " picked on". Where I personally struggle is thinking back and asking myself "was I bullied?" I think nah it was being "picked" on which doesn't seem so harsh. Don't get me wrong I would have been happy to not have been "picked on" as the couple of times it occurred to me, I was scared, and felt very uncomfortable.
I was in band all through school and therefore classified as a "band geek" ( even though I ran track and cross country). While being called that for so many years, I never thought of it as being "bullied" or even being" picked on". It was just a name. Today that's being bullied ( as I understand it). For me the term that struck fear was if someone was being " harassed" when I was in school. I guess I equate "harassed" to being what I consider being " bullied" in today's terms ( continual verbal, emotional, or physical encounters with a particular person or party). Maybe it's the way I was raised or just a generational difference.

The term "bullied" seems like it is used as a general cover-all term today. Let's say my son gets into a disagreement at school with another boy and they can't work out a solution to resolve it. At lunch he tells the rest of the group that play together " I'm not playing with ( insert name here) today. I'm still playing basketball but not with ( insert name here). The rest of the group decided to play with my son instead of ( insert name here). The other boy then cried and told the teacher. Was this bullying? According to the school it was and there was a big deal made about it ( talk of suspension, meeting with principal, meeting with parents, meeting with teachers, etc). This actually happened and my son was 10 years old at the time. My son isn't an angel, far from it. He was however following what I thought at the time was good parental advice. If you have a conflict and can't resolve it, sometimes it's best just to walk away. That's what he did - in a ten year olds mind.

In no way am I trying to second guess others who feel bullied or anyone else's use of the term, it just seems like the term has evolved to cover so many things that it's hard to really differentiate it. There are those who obviously are being truly bullied and there are those who have disagreements, and isolated conflicts.

It's similar to the " sexual harassment" phrase, after taking a class on what can -be or is defined as sexual harassment, I now find that if someone (male or female ) dresses nice, I won't comment because someone can take it as harassment nowadays.

Just my 2 cents.

As a military brat I attended 22 different school so I was always the new kid.

After the first few moves and school changes I just started introducing myself like this..."Hi. I'm the new guy. Who do I have to fight?"

Surprisingly I never had to fight much.

via Forumrunner/GS4

In elementary school, I don't really remember being bullied at all; I was the big kid (for a while I was 90th percentile in weight and height).

In middle school, I got bullied some for being smart; I was in the "accelerated" math track, and I distinctly remember this [rather idiotic] girl telling me the class was for "accelerated losers". But I was never physically attacked because people viewed me as capable of fighting back (I'm not sure whether I could have or not), and it only seemed to be a small group of particularly resentful people who would try to cause trouble.

Then I went to a magnet high school and among my own kind there was no bullying problem.

o1d_dude said:

As a military brat I attended 22 different school so I was always the new kid.

After the first few moves and school changes I just started introducing myself like this..."Hi. I'm the new guy. Who do I have to fight?"

Surprisingly I never had to fight much.

via Forumrunner/GS4

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Wow, Kit-much the same. Worst was coming back to America with a British accent. Had quite a few fights with the locals in Georgia. Cultural shock. Ironically the girlfriends adopted me and stopped most of it due to my 'cool' accent. Wife can tell when I've had too much to drink, it still creeps out.

I was in the 6th grade and our three story brick school held grades 6th through 9th. Our lockers were located in the basement and I was getting ready to go home, when I was cornered by three 9th graders, who decided to punch me out. Two of boys held my arms as the other one begin punching me. Now, being Dutch and also hard headed, I opened my mouth and said, "you punch like a girl". The boy on my right arm said "let me hit him" and he let go. As being on the small size and not weighing more than 115 pounds. I knew I had opened my mouth when I shouldn't have and all hell was going to break loose. In my right hand I held leather brief case (no, backpacks in the 50's) and without thinking I swung it hard as I could. I can still remember the three solid impacts the brief case made on the heads of those 9th graders! It took ever bit of strength and energy I had to swing the brief case. The 9th graders disappeared up the stairs and out of sight. A teacher came down the steps and looked at me and said "Wipe away those tears! You won! I will take care of them".

Too this day, I don't know whether the tears were from fright, embarassment or pain.