Some programmer's humor.
Q: Why don't jokes work in octal?
A: Because 7 10 11.
How does a programmer fall asleep?
while(!asleep()) sheep++
How long does it take to copy a file in Vista? Yeah, I don't know either, I'm still waiting to find out.
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone, "This behavior is by design."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth an eighth, and so on.
The bartender looks at the line going out the door, pours two beers and walks away.
A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right?
A: 1.
Q: How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
A: Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, DARN YOU");}
The shortest programmer joke:
"I'm nearly done!"
Three Java programmers go into a bar and sit down at a table. The first programmer holds up two fingers and says "Three beers".
Chuck Norris executes an infinite loop in 3 seconds.
if(you.AreHappy && you.KnowIt){
you.ClapHands();
}
A programmer is at the airport with his wife, and she needs to go to the bathroom so she tells him to stay there and look at the luggage. When she's back the programmer is counting the bags while scratching his head.
--Wife: -What's wrong?
--Prog: -I don't get it. I was there, nobody took a bag, but I have missed one. We had 5 bags, but now we have only 4.
--Wife: -How's that?
--Prog: -Look: zero, one, two, thee, four!
Question: what do you call your programming methodology?
Answer: Faith based development. You code and then pray that it works
"If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"
"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."
Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
"I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"
"I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'."
Explaining recursion:
It was a dark and stormy night, and I says to the captain, captain, tell us a story. And this is the story he told.
It was a dark and stormy night...
An evil psychiatrist kidnaps an engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician to see how their minds work. He locks them in separate cells with a year supply of canned beans and leaves. When he comes back in a year to check on his prisoners, he finds:
The chemist had collected rainwater to corrode the cans of beans so he could eat them. The engineer had taken apart his bed and made a crude can opener out of the parts. The mathematician was slouched on the floor, long since dead.
Written in blood beside the corpse read the following:
Theorem: If I don't eat the beans I will die.
Proof: Assume the opposite and seek a contradiction.
'A man bought this robot that would speak in full conversation, sleep, eat, everything. One morning, he noticed that his robot was not looking his best. He said....
Man: Are you OK ? What happened ?
Robot: I had a horrible nightmare last night !
Man: You can dream ?
Robot: I was dreaming away my usual relaxing dream: 0111011101010001110100100111010001011110010010100 1010001011101010001011001001001010101000101000101 ... when all of the sudden: 0010100000001101001......2'
Programmers must always find balance in life: would use more CPU and less RAM or more RAM and less CPU?