Milkshake Rant - No Rockets

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JAL3

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This is nothing but an ill tempered rant based upon a simple question:

Are milkshakes truly extinct?

I know that milkshakes appear on many menus, particularly those of fast food places but I realize that it has been years since I successfully ordered one.

That does not mean that I have not ordered any; it means only that what I receive i NEVER a milkshake.

Instead, it is merely a lump of icecream served in a cup with a useless straw.

I remember when a milkshake was a drink, a beverage, something that was expected to be consumed through a straw or, if a spoon was used, it was used in the same way that spoons are used for soup. Milkshakes were liquids, albeit viscous liquids.

I was busy with patients tonight for the entire time the caferteria was open. I was finally able to break for "lunch" about 1 am. The cafteria had been closed for half an hour.

The only place open that was close enough to the hospital for me to take a chance was Whataburger. I was very clear: "I would like a medium, strawberry milkshake; extra thin and runny. I want to be able to drink it!"

I was assured that was no problem. When it arrived, there was not problem. I had some strawberry ice cream in a cup. Just for laughs, i tried to "drink" some through a straw. The walls of the tube collapse under the low pressure long before the "drink" showed any sign of moving.

I didn't want to fight with them. I showed the problem and offered to pay for another shake if only it would really be a beverage. They processed my card. When it came, I tried to illustrate my dissapointment by taking off the plastic cap and turning the cup upside down. Had it really been a drink, all would have flowed out. As it was, it was stuck fast. The staff had no idea why that was a problem. Apparently "thin and runny" means something different to the younger generation.

I asked if they had put any milk at all in my milkshake. They thought I was crazy! WHo ever heard of milk in a milk shake? It is merely ice cream that gets beaten about for a bit with the spinning thingie.

I gave up in defeat.

Am I really that unreasonable to expect to be able to drink my beverage?

I know I should not be as angry as I am but... I AM!
 
"Steak & Shake" Open 24 hrs...would be a shame if they don't have them where you live.

ONly 2 things in their milkshake...real vitamin D milk & real hand dipped ice cream. Served with REAL whipped cream & cherry on top!

Only 3 flavors though.... Van..Choc...Straw....

Happy hour between 4-6, shakes 1/2 price. They will make consistency how ever you wish, thick or thin just ask....! Made in old-fashion metal container & stuck under old fashion blender. watch 'em pour milk out of jug & dip the ice cream. Then poured into real ole fashioned tall fluted "glass" container. Sreved with the tall skinny metal spoon and a large straw so all the liquid goodness can be slurped through it!
Who do a thunk, A real dairy product milk-shake.

Man now you got me craving one. Think I'll head out to shake & steak....then stop by the Krispy Kreme & see if the "HOT" sign is one, best combo in the world for ones's decadent taste buds....

Hot doughnuts and cold real milkshake! Mmmmmmmmmm.
 
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John,

Sorry you couldn't find a real milkshake in the time and space allotted to you. I can understand where it would have hit the spot after your busy night and would have propelled you well through the morning part of your shift.

We don't have the Wataburger chain in this area so I don't know what their set up is like. Also, being lactose intolerant, I don't much hunt down real milkshakes on the outside (I can use Lactaid brand milk and ice cream and make my own at home when the mood strikes).

I have been to a Steak & Shake, as mentioned by Jim, when visiting family in Evanston, IL. Didn't have the shake but they are made the right way. Fuddruckers is another casual dining chain that does a good job with them. Sonic crows about their shakes in their commercials but I would suspect they use soft-serve instead of real ice cream.

McDonalds has always served "shakes" of one sort or another. In the early days, they were mixed up in a proper shake machine. Later, someone developed a way to produce a shake-like product that could be extruded using a scraped surface chiller. At one point, they even contained microbead-like filler to enhance its thickness while it warmed; I believe those are gone now.

Wendy's offers the Frosty but it was never intended to be a shake consumed through a straw. It was listed as a dairy dessert. Now they do blend in various things, but I can't say if it is straw drinkable.

I hope you can find someplace that can do the job right. I would guess that somewhere in Austin, there would be someone hip enough to do it well.

Question: Is the real thing available from the cafeteria when it's open? I would guess they have the right ingredients and they could be a good way for some patients to get some good nutrition. I remember as a kid, the horror when I found out my aunt was adding a raw egg to the shakes my cousins and I were getting for breakfast one vacation. I struggled through because chocolate.

Your anger is understandable after a long night. I'm sure you've calmed down some and will be excited for the hunt.
 
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I have found most of the fast food chains do not serve "real" milkshakes. If it just comes out of a machine it is not a "real milkshake". They need to scoop real ice cream, pour in some real milk, a shot of syrup and mix them up in a blender. If I don't make more own I will get them from a local ice cream place. Actually made one just last night - part of our normal weekly family tradition.
 
Of all the rants I have read on this forum, this is the only one that has any sort of validity. It's a lament for the old ways. I have not had a good milkshake in a long while either. Back home there is a little chain called Burger Box that makes a great one. I really miss stopping by to pick up a chili cheese burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake. The chiliburger would only have a little bit of onions and mustard on it, nothing fancy. The fries would be crisp with that slight crunch to them as you bite down and the milkshake would be thin enough to drink but thick enough to make you work for it. The Burger Box I'd stop at in Kennedale TX was a stones throw from a nice little pond with a BNSF line behind. I'd sit in the parking lot, eat a bag full of goodness then grab the bait caster for an evening bass or two as the trains roll by. Hot damn I miss Texas.
 
Braum's will make a proper shake if you ask. The standard version is too thick, but if you ask they will increase the milk:ice cream ratio.
 
This thread is killing me, as I'm going through a phase of improving my diet, exercising portion control, and for now things like milkshakes are off my list.

That said, it brings to mind 20 years ago when I lived in Milwaukee. There was a small chain place... Kopps or something like that, where you could get a super greasy mega cheeseburger, plus a custard shake with malt. Oh man... I would get a "hot fudge malted custard shake" ... you would see them dipping the custard ice cream, putting in the malt stuff, in goes milk and the syrup, and out came a drinkable-through-straw-but-just-barely shake. I would eat the burger first, and by the time that was done the shake would be perfectly drinkable as dessert. I think the place was near a hospital so you could go get an angioplasty if needed.

Marc
 
I had the opposite problem, my last milkshake was left blending waaaaaaaaaaaay to long. It was turned into chocolate milk. I rarely order anything like that. Very disappointing:(.
 
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Gee thanks CJ, now I am craving a trip to Steak and Shake. But you are right, they do shakes right!
 
Of all the rants I have read on this forum, this is the only one that has any sort of validity. It's a lament for the old ways. I have not had a good milkshake in a long while either. Back home there is a little chain called Burger Box that makes a great one. I really miss stopping by to pick up a chili cheese burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake. The chiliburger would only have a little bit of onions and mustard on it, nothing fancy. The fries would be crisp with that slight crunch to them as you bite down and the milkshake would be thin enough to drink but thick enough to make you work for it. The Burger Box I'd stop at in Kennedale TX was a stones throw from a nice little pond with a BNSF line behind. I'd sit in the parking lot, eat a bag full of goodness then grab the bait caster for an evening bass or two as the trains roll by. Hot damn I miss Texas.
O M G ! I'd happily die after a dreamday like that!
 
Look at the EXACT wording on the menu.

It will seldom say "Milkshake" .... It will say "Shake".

They are legally different.

Methyl cellulose is used to thicken many shakes that have no ice cream.

Many places use "soft serve" and add shake liquid from a container and then mix it with a shake mixer. The soft serve can be "who knows what?".
 
I have to say, the last ( and forever last if I get my way) Steak N Shake milkshake I had was HORRIBLE!! Ya know how they use those little aluminum splash guards on the top of the cup when they mix your shake? Well, imagine the stoner dufus running the mixer for my shake. He's a little on the lazy side and can't put in the effort to hold the cup ALL the way up for the mixer to work properly. The result was that the beater thingy ground against the aluminum shield the whole time he mixed the shake, with the resulting shake having a remarkable metallic taste to it. Now, in my line of work as a mechanic, I do a lot of welding and grinding and cutting of metals that result in fine metal dust swirling around my head and I inhale and or get some in my mouth upon occasion. However, I DO NOT like said additives placed in my ice cream beverage. Of course we had gone through the drive through, so we were well on our way home when I made my discovery, so no point in going back. :mad: :rant: :rant:

Now Portillo's makes a good milkshake or malted. Mmmm, I might need that tomorrow.
Later dudes, and may your milkshakes always be runny enough to slurp through a straw (and non metallic to boot!)

Adrian
 
Well, having spent 30+ years in the dairy industry, I know a bit about this subject. For a long time, one of the dairies that I worked for sold both "soft serve ice cream" mix and "shake" mix. Soft serve was 5% butterfat and when used in a soft serve machine would give a near solid consistency. It would stand up on a cone or in a dish, similar to the ice cream you get at Dairy Queen. Shake mix was only 3.5% butterfat and would give a thinner, slightly soupier mix that was drinkable through a straw straight from the machine - McDonalds shakes are like this. Generally speaking, the main difference between soft serve ice cream and hard pack (like what you buy in half gallon bricks at the grocery store or from Baskin Robbins) is a process called "hardening". At the ice cream factory, the ice cream comes from the freezer looking and feeling much like soft serve - it is extruded into the package, sealed, and then taken directly into what is called a "hardening room". The hardening room is extremely cold - on the order of 20 to 30 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. It will sit there for several days until rock hard, then is moved into the slightly warmer freezer storage (maybe 10 below zero at most).

There are a lot of other factors that go into making ice cream (stabilizers to help it hold its consistency, sugar/solid ratios that contribute to the mouth feel, and the amount of air that is whipped into it during the freezing process that actually helps you TASTE the ice cream flavors).

I'm with several of you here - the best milk shakes are made with hard pack ice cream, milk, and a bit of flavoring (vanilla shakes don't NEED a bit of vanilla, but it makes them taste even better!). You can a very similar milk shake with soft serve ice cream, milk and flavoring IF it is mixed properly - you need one of those commercial blenders with the blades on the end of a long shaft to do it right.

Oh, and personally, although I like vanilla shakes, my favorite flavor is chocolate malted! ;)
 
Here in New England, you'd want to order a frappe, not a milkshake. A milkshake has no ice cream.

In parts of Rhode Island, you'd have to order a "cabinet". I have no idea why they call it that.

It was a milkshake where I grew up in Brooklyn, though.

This thread forced me to go and get one today. Purely for research purposes, of course. :)
 
I think Dairy Queen has a different name for the thick ones (Blizzards) than the thinner milkshakes. That said, the place to go around here are several local spots, one is a local chain where all of the ice cream is real ice cream and all of it, every flavor, is made in the store from fresh ingredients. You can get a milkshake in any flavor (or combination thereof) that they have in the store (which is enough that it usually takes me five minutes just to read the list of flavors).

And they will make it any way you want it.
 
First one I ever had and best shakes are made in bowling alleys. I have never ever had a good one from a fast food chain except the local In-n-Out over by Boise State and, man, are they good :)
 
Every time I have a chance to get a shake I always end up getting a root beer float. It's an addiction I tell ya.
 
Wow.

I never expected this kind of response. The funny thing is that I seldom even want a milkshake. My beverage of choice is unsweetened iced tea and I usually bring a gallon of concentrated brew with me to the hospital that I brew myself. I did last night but had no access to the ice machine since the cafeteria was closed and thought I would splurge and get a shake, even though I'm always disappointed. That's my fault: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

FWIW, Whataburger does do the soft serve ice cream version of a shake. If they added some milk, then maybe it would be better. I have had good ones at little mom and pop operations but rarely or never at a fast food joint. WHen I had time last night, fast food was the only option except for a Dennys and I was in a hurry to get back to the main hospital.

Fudruckers was mentioned. I live about half a mile from the original. My high school best friend worked there and they do have good shakes. I had forgotten about that.

I have heard of Steak and SHake but never actually seen one.

There used to be a little mom and pop place near a church I used to pastor that had great shakes. I know that they do exist, but not at the fast places.

The best I ever had was at Oak Hills Country Club, back when my engineer's salary could afford things like that. There was one waiter who would make them himself with Ice cream, half and half and some heavy cream. He may have even put some milk in it! My arteries are hardening up just thinking about his shakes but they were good. The kids I raised always looked forward to having one every Sunday when we went there after church.

I made the mistake of complaining about the shake from last night to SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED when I got home this morning. She pointed out that I am in little immediate danger of withering up and blowing away. She's right but... it would have been nice to have a little extra anchoring in the midst of the storms we were having last night.
 
Every time I have a chance to get a shake I always end up getting a root beer float. It's an addiction I tell ya.

When I was growing up, as a treat my father would go the local A&W and get a gallon of root beer and we would have floats with home made ice cream. Yum, Yum.
 
I think In-N-Out's shakes are decent, I was just in Dallas yesterday and drove past one, I'd assume there's one near San Antonio as well. Sonic has advertised a bunch of different flavors but I've never tried one of those. Denny's had decent shakes also last time I ate at one.

For the most part I make my own at home when I have a craving. Either plain vanilla w/simply milk and ice cream, or mixing in a few heaping spoons of peanut butter for a PB taste. Think it's time to make one. :drool:
 
I know it's the trendy place which I normally hate but I have to admit Shake Shack has one of the most wonderful shakes I've ever had, Burger was pretty awesome too. Now I know why people line up around the block for it. Also if you live in an area where they still have Friendly's, yeah the place is gross and if you don't have kids you'll most likely never be caught dead there but the Fribble is still as good as ever!

Glenn
 
Well when the teenies start making $17 per hour minimum wage maybe they will get it right....

Around here we can get an okay shake from Shari's and Denny's, and a couple of other spots and the local DQ will make it the way you want it, but ALL the fast food places shakes suck.
 
I agree with the lament on getting a "proper" milkshake and in a related note - I have to ask what America has against the Banana.

I moved here 8 years ago from the UK and two of my favorite things growing up were Banana Yogurt and Banana Milkshakes - out here in Texas they look at you funny if you ask about such things - is it the same in other parts of the country?

:(

Shake.jpg
 
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