Overprotective Parents?

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blackbrandt

That Darn College Student
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OK... this is like a half rant half question kinda thing... but just hear me out.

My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

Anyway, recently, I got a girlfriend (we have gone out once now and going out again tonight). She and I are almost exactly alike. We both love Frozen. We both quote and sing Broadway all day. We are both socially awkward. We are both considered gay by a lot of our friends (even though we aren't). She and I were like meant to be. And I absolutely adore her. :)

My dad has no problem with me dating this girl. He doesn't mind the fact that we skype late at night, or the fact that I kissed her. My mom, on the other hand, was almost shocked when I called her my "girlfriend". She thinks I am acting like I am getting married to her. And I haven't even told her that I kissed her yet. 0_o


She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.


I already don't have a lot of friends. I am happy that I have someone I can talk to who I have actually met in real life. (Sorry Connor... but a 13 hour drive to meet you just isn't happening. :p) Even better is the fact that now my friends can see that I am not gay.

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?
 
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Parents may appear to be 'overprotective' because, from their personal experience and observations through the years they know all too well how bad, in-the-moment decisions can have life-long effects. Foresight is priceless; regrets are useless.
 
Parent Mode On (I have four boys -- 22, 20, a few days shy of 16 and 11)

My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

No problem with that, and in many states it's actually the law that you have to be 13 to be left home alone.

And I absolutely love her. :)

Dude, slow down. You're too young to really understand the concept of that kind of love. Seriously. You may adore her, you may feel attached but this is your first girlfriend, it's your first relationship of this kind. You're going gaga. Step back, take a breath. Seriously.

She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.

Even better is the fact that now my friends can see that I am not gay.

1) Who cares if you are?
2) They wouldn't be much for friends if they did care.
3) Irrelevant to the discussion, and that comment really doesn't do you any favors in this discussion.

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?

No problem with it, it's pretty normal, but it should be pretty calm. You're 16. A school dance? Perfect. Going and watching a movie together? Perfect. Hanging out at each other's house, watching TV, playing video games, etc? You bet. A quick smooch here and there? No problem. Making out? Nope. Bzzzt.

Slow down. Seriously. Enjoy each other's company, have fun together, but you're going a bit gaga and that doesn't help you win your mom's confidence.

BTW, pretty much every 16 year old thinks their parents are over-protective or overly strict. Guess what? It's our job. At 16, our oldest son thought we were awful and couldn't understand why he couldn't do what his friends did. When he was about 20, he thanked us for being the way we were -- he saw where he was in life and where he was going, as compared to the former friends who were headed nowhere (or worse) fast.

-Kevin
 
If you're a boy, I think it's a healthy thing. If you're a girl, then no dating until you are 30. Ha...ha.

I have raised both boys and girls. Boys are now in the Military and traveling the world. My girls are still living at home and the oldest is 11. So no dating for her yet. Depending on maturity level, I think 16 is a great age to start dating. As far as love is concerned, I think worse things could happen. Young love is awesome and makes you feel wonderful. Just be responsible, and realistic with your feelings for each other.

I didn't know it at the time, but I dated and fell in love with my future wife at 16. I dated many others and even married someone else, as did she. She kept in touch with my Mom over the years. When I went through my divorce, she found out that I was available again through my Mom and the rest is history. We've been together for 20 years now.


David
 
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Wow. Thanks for the response. Now I see it is not just my parents that are doing this.
Parent Mode On (I have four boys -- 22, 20, a few days shy of 16 and 11)
Wow. I have no clue how you survived. :)

No problem with that, and in many states it's actually the law that you have to be 13 to be left home alone.
In NC, it is 8. Most of my friends have been left home alone since they were like 9. And I was that awkward person who couldn't be home alone.


Dude, slow down. You're too young to really understand the concept of that kind of love. Seriously. You may adore her, you may feel attached but this is your first girlfriend, it's your first relationship of this kind. You're going gaga. Step back, take a breath. Seriously.
OK, I see what you mean here. Wrong word. "Adore" is probably the better word.





1) Who cares if you are?
I don't like being called gay if I am not.
2) They wouldn't be much for friends if they did care.
"Friends" isn't the right word. More like "people who I am around a lot of the time". Like kids in my boy scout troop, for example. Most of them think I am gay due to the fact I love Broadway and Disney.
3) Irrelevant to the discussion, and that comment really doesn't do you any favors in this discussion.



No problem with it, it's pretty normal, but it should be pretty calm. You're 16. A school dance? Perfect. Going and watching a movie together? Perfect. Hanging out at each other's house, watching TV, playing video games, etc? You bet. A quick smooch here and there? No problem. Making out? Nope. Bzzzt.
And that is exactly what my dad says. I have no problem with these types of limitations.

Slow down. Seriously. Enjoy each other's company, have fun together, but you're going a bit gaga and that doesn't help you win your mom's confidence.
The problem is, I haven't even TOLD my mom half the stuff I have done with her, and she is already on the skeptical side. She doesn't think teens should kiss ever, for example. (Learned that a few days after).

BTW, pretty much every 16 year old thinks their parents are over-protective or overly strict. Guess what? It's our job. At 16, our oldest son thought we were awful and couldn't understand why he couldn't do what his friends did. When he was about 20, he thanked us for being the way we were -- he saw where he was in life and where he was going, as compared to the former friends who were headed nowhere (or worse) fast.
I see exactly where you are coming from. I know in the future I will look back and see that they were being completely correct. It is just annoying right now... :(
-Kevin
 
In NC, it is 8. Most of my friends have been left home alone since they were like 9. And I was that awkward person who couldn't be home alone.

Your mom remembers that awkward you. She's a mom. She worries. It'll get better with time, as you earn her trust. Actions, not words, will help you most with this.

"Friends" isn't the right word. More like "people who I am around a lot of the time". Like kids in my boy scout troop, for example. Most of them think I am gay due to the fact I love Broadway and Disney.

What I'm about to say is in the category of "easier to say than do" but it's the truth -- ignore them. Don't worry about what they think. They're putting you down because they have this stupid image of what you're supposed to be like, and are insecure. Ignore them. Like what you like, be yourself.

Matt, from everything I've seen and heard about you, you strike me as a great kid and one I hope to meet some day. Don't sweat a bunch of kids who think they have something to prove by putting you down or degrading you for what interests you. I'm 47 years old and started playing with computers when I was in 5th grade and programming in 8th. Most of my peers didn't even touch a computer until their senior year of high school at the soonest. I did stuff with computers, I read comic books, I played role playing games. None of those things were anywhere near as mainstream or publicly acceptable then as they are, now. I was the "nerd". Ignore what people think of your interests - you're entitled to them, and there's nothing wrong with them. Be true to yourself, not anyone else's image of what you should be.

Wow. Thanks for the response. Now I see it is not just my parents that are doing this.

Trust me when I say this -- your parents have your best interests in mind. It's hard to see that now, and when you get older you won't want to admit that to them. Less than 10 years I was talking to my mom on the phone and mentioned something one of the boys was doing. She brought up something she used to tell my brothers and I when we were kids, then said "I was right, wasn't I?" I didn't respond, she asked it again at which point I responded "I'll never admit it." She laughed.

-Kevin
 
MY turn :)


My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

My parents were the same however with 2 younger sisters I was let off pretty easy and was allowed to stay home at a younger age. However most of my friends couldn't stay home alone until 13 and I remember us planning for my parents to "Watch" them so we could keep hanging out.

Anyway, recently, I got a girlfriend (we have gone out once now and going out again tonight). She and I are almost exactly alike. We both love Frozen. We both quote and sing Broadway all day. We are both socially awkward. We are both considered gay by a lot of our friends (even though we aren't). She and I were like meant to be. And I absolutely adore her.

First, you like frozen............. Kids call each other gay all the time. Most of the time when people call you gay in the 21st century they aren't actually calling you gay but more that they think whatever you did/do is weird or strange.

My dad has no problem with me dating this girl. He doesn't mind the fact that we skype late at night, or the fact that I kissed her. My mom, on the other hand, was almost shocked when I called her my "girlfriend". She thinks I am acting like I am getting married to her. And I haven't even told her that I kissed her yet. 0_o

dads are pretty cool with the whole dating thing. I've been dating girls since the 6th grade and was lucky that my parents didn't really have a problem with dating. your mom is still trying to get over how your growing up and once she gets over it she will realize you can make decisions for yourself. There is no need to tell your mom that you kissed. Personally I think it is a little strange that you would but thats just me.


She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.

I'm with kevin I wouldn't call it love rather that you have strong "feelings" for each other. Dances are great. Dance hang out and have fun, thats what being a teenager is all about right!


I already don't have a lot of friends. I am happy that I have someone I can talk to who I have actually met in real life. (Sorry Connor... but a 13 hour drive to meet you just isn't happening. ) Even better is the fact that now my friends can see that I am not gay.

Hey good to talk to someone you know and have met in person. ( You could fly in be here in like an hour :p)

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?


Well thats my opinion take it for what it's worth :)


- Another reckless 16 year old teenager ;)
 
It's normal for your Mom to be protective of you and cautious as you take bigger and more independent steps. And it's also natural for you to push against your limits. Everything here is normal.

It's parents' job to keep an eye out for danger where their kids are concerned. So your Mom is looking out for certain hazards related to dating. Some of those things are simple stuff, like a girlfriend distracting from studies or the risk of heartbreak if things don't work out. And some are far more serious (mostly sex related), and I doubt I have to spell all that out for you.

You seem like a very responsible and intelligent young adult. If you can show you are being responsible and haven't lost your head, your Mom will probable loosen the reins a bit.

Are you the oldest child? If so, be prepared for a little more resistance. Younger siblings will have an easier time.

Does your Mom have conservative views about marriage and sex in general? If so, then she might not only be focused on some of the practical hazards of young people in love, like getting knocked up or catching something bad. She might be worried about a moral lapse. Practical concerns are a lot easier to deal with by demonstrating you know and understand the issues. Moral concerns aren't so easy to negotiate on!

Anyway, I'm glad you've got a nice girlfriend! That's great! Have fun at the dance. Make sure your Mom gets to know this girl. And definitely be respectful of your Mother. It's the right thing to do, but also, girls notice how guys treat the important women in their lives --- mistreat your Mom or your Sister and the GF will take notice and won't like it.
 
Are you the oldest child? If so, be prepared for a little more resistance. Younger siblings will have an easier time.

I agree with everything you said, but that point may need some further development...I was the youngest, *but* the only boy, so it always seemed like my mom was particularly attached to me, and had greater difficulty letting go.

(in fact, my Mom still cried every time I left to go back to college after a vacation!--for the record, she never did that for my older sisters...)

I recently had a chance to chat with a female co-worker (who is a mom and a grandmom) about a "kid" (another co-workers son) who just joined the Coast Guard and was about the leave in 9 days...I said "Great! How old is he?" and the answer was "22," to which I replied, "Well, it's about time he got out of the house!" My co-worker was there going, "Oh no, they may be adults to you, but they'll always be our little babies..."

My internal reaction was "Sheesh!" Externally, I agreed with her...

Anyway, part of this whole maturity thing is trying to understand what the other person's point of view is, and appreciating their feelings while negotiating the things you need to do. Don't bother asking me for advice, I'm still trying to figure it out myself (and I'm almost 50!).

Good luck!
 
Short and to the point.

You want more dating freedom, and to be treated like the (almost) young adult that you are/will soon be.

Build a better relationship with your parents. This is probably one of the hardest things for a teenager to do, impossible for some. It's going to take a lot of work, but it's how you get what you want.

Step 1. Show respect for your parents by removing the word "overprotective" from your vocabulary.
 
My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

Honestly, nothing you've said here makes your parents seem especially overprotective. It's normal to feel that way though. You're almost an adult, and you want to start making your own decisions and following your own path. But your parents realize that at your age decision making skills and impulse control still need some work. It's normal to feel stifled by it, but they are trying to do what's best for you.

Anyway, recently, I got a girlfriend (we have gone out once now and going out again tonight). She and I are almost exactly alike. We both love Frozen. We both quote and sing Broadway all day. We are both socially awkward. We are both considered gay by a lot of our friends (even though we aren't). She and I were like meant to be. And I absolutely adore her. :)

My dad has no problem with me dating this girl. He doesn't mind the fact that we skype late at night, or the fact that I kissed her. My mom, on the other hand, was almost shocked when I called her my "girlfriend". She thinks I am acting like I am getting married to her. And I haven't even told her that I kissed her yet. 0_o

She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.

It sounds like your folks don't have an issue with you dating her, they just don't want you rushing into things too quickly. And they're right. We've all been where you are, and felt what you're feeling. This early in the relationship, it's not love, it's just lust. But when you're young and inexperienced the two are easy to confuse.

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?

Perfectly normal and healthy behavior. Just don't take chances if you aren't willing to accept the possible consequences.

Like my parents always told me when I was a teenager, "Be good, but if you can't be good, then for the love of god at least be careful."

As others have said, show your parents that you're worthy of their trust, and they will most likely trust you and relax a little bit.
 
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IMHO, the best thing you can do with a high school relationship is keep it casual. Don't hang out 24/7, don't get super hung up, don't be all over each other. That keeps everyone happy. Including parents. Works for me.
A bunch of my friends have tried to have "serious" high school boyfriends/girlfriends and they never work out well. In fact tonight, I'm going over to a friends house to deal with the fallout from some recent breakup. :p This isn't the first time either.
just my :2:

Alex
 
IMHO, the best thing you can do with a high school relationship is keep it casual. Don't hang out 24/7, don't get super hung up, don't be all over each other. That keeps everyone happy. Including parents. Works for me.
A bunch of my friends have tried to have "serious" high school boyfriends/girlfriends and they never work out well. In fact tonight, I'm going over to a friends house to deal with the fallout from some recent breakup. :p This isn't the first time either.
just my :2:

Alex

I agree with this. Take it easy, enjoy your time with the girl, and let things develop how they will. Don't get too hung up on the whole thing, the chances that a high-school relationship will last long-term are pretty tiny.
 
Best thing you can do is to remember that YOU are your parents' life's work. You build rockets while they are building a person. At some point in your life you will hear their words spring from your mouth.
 
One date... calling her your girlfriend. You're going a bit fast....and that's normal. Your parents concerns come from experience. They know the odds are high this relationship will end in a train wreck of emotion. Dad's know it's the only way to learn. Mom's want to protect their sons.

Have fun. Enjoy your time together. Don't worry about defining things, it's the quickest way to ruin something. Don't overthink things (and you will).
 
Best thing you can do is to remember that YOU are your parents' life's work. You build rockets while they are building a person. At some point in your life you will hear their words spring from your mouth.

That is the ODDEST thing to ever happen to me. I do it without even thinking. It's crazy.
 
IMHO, the best thing you can do with a high school relationship is keep it casual. Don't hang out 24/7, don't get super hung up, don't be all over each other. That keeps everyone happy. Including parents. Works for me.
A bunch of my friends have tried to have "serious" high school boyfriends/girlfriends and they never work out well. In fact tonight, I'm going over to a friends house to deal with the fallout from some recent breakup. :p This isn't the first time either.

Alex, that's some very mature advice there (not that it really surprises me, considering the source) and it's great that you're there for your friends.

-Kevin
 
A long time ago when I was your age, my father was extremely strict. I was no doubt bitching about something he said or did to one of his hunting buddies and he gave me some great advice. "Right now your father seems like the dumbest person on earth. When you get to be 25 he will suddenly get a whole lot smarter." What he said was true. My parents have both been gone for over 10 years now. I would give about anything to be able to ask my dad for advice now. Enjoy your parents while you have them. They have a life time of experience to draw from.
 
+1 on what Kevin said. Wise words. I have a near 16 year old. All of this sounds familiar. If you listen to my son, you would think that he is a third world deprived child! Trust me, he is pretty well taken care of. Like Kevin said, slow down. Focus on your friend as a person. Don't rush and worry about putting a girl friend / dating label on your situation. Do things for the right reasons and then don't worry about trying to impress others. Your true friends and possible future girlfriend should like you for what you are. If they don't, don't worry about them. Relationships are a selective process. There are all kinds of selective pressures at work. Give things time and see what works. What I teach my kids, is that if you are nice and treat girls / women with respect, there will always be one for you. Don't be too hard on your parents. Most teens probably are. They love you the most and probably understand you better than you think. Remember to enjoy what you have and not focus on things that you don't. My guess is that you are doing all right. Good luck with your friend and parents.
 
I you're going to listen to anything at all listen to this. Basically sums up a perfect high school relationship.

IMHO, the best thing you can do with a high school relationship is keep it casual. Don't hang out 24/7, don't get super hung up, don't be all over each other. That keeps everyone happy. Including parents. Works for me.
A bunch of my friends have tried to have "serious" high school boyfriends/girlfriends and they never work out well. In fact tonight, I'm going over to a friends house to deal with the fallout from some recent breakup. :p This isn't the first time either.
just my

Alex
 
My advice--

The worst thing you can do is listen to your PEERS... kids rag on each other, that's just human nature... Remember that these "friends" or "people you hang out with" are just like you... they have their moments of confusion, wondering who they are, thinking their parents are too strict, wondering and worrying about how "they fit in" and "who they are" and "are they 'normal'" just like EVERYBODY does at times, and ESPECIALLY at your age. Most kids have difficulty handling their feelings and despite thinking they know everything the simple fact of the matter is they DON'T, but they don't REALIZE that until much later... SO, a lot of kids find reassurance in their own insecurities by "making fun" or "picking on" other kids and things they do or like that is "different"... it somehow makes THEM FEEL more "normal" or "part of the gang"... So realize that you like what you like-- and that's okay. It's a good thing that you're self-assured enough to not HIDE what you like or just "go along with the crowd" just because THEY like certain things or "wouldn't understand" or would make fun of you. Remember, most people are idiots, regardless of age (and to varying degrees).

Thing is, at your age kids tend to think they "know it all" and "nothing bad will happen" and stuff like that, and emotions tend to blind them to consequences and stuff that can have LIFELONG repercussions... that's why parents tend to be "SO strict" and "overprotective"... it's not that we don't think that a given kid isn't mature, or isn't intelligent, or don't trust their judgment... it's just that teenagers don't handle decision making particularly well when blinded by emotions. Add in the fact that SOME kids are way more mature for their age than others-- intellectually, emotionally, judgmentally, socially, etc... So it's hard NOT to be "overprotective".

Then of course there's the fact that "you're their baby"... it's HARD for parents NOT to see their kids as younger than they are, and NOT to be "overprotective"... it's harder for SOME parents than others, just like with everything else regarding human nature... it's hard to understand this when you're young, but as you get older, you'll come to understand what I'm talking about. My daughter is 9, a very mature 9. She's starting to fret about the fact that a LOT of her friends have cell phones, and the fact that she doesn't makes her feel "different" or "ostracized"... Of course we've had discussions for YEARS about the fact that *we* do things differently in our family than most; our beliefs and priorities are different than a lot of people, and those sorts of things will probably eventually cause some "differences" to appear that might "cause problems" for Keira and her peers, but that's just how it is... Thing is, it seems like Keira was just in diapers yesterday, from my (and her mother's) perspective... time passes faster as you get older... so it's hard NOT to see her as "wee tyke" needing a lot of protection and oversight.

The best advice I can give you is "enjoy life NOW..." While this time of life can be painful and seem very awkward and at times very troubling, frustrating, and restrictive, later on you'll realize this is actually one of THE best times of your life... frustrations, restrictions, and all! I know I was told this at your age too and *I* rolled my eyes and went "pfff..." too, but SERIOUSLY, when it's TOO LATE and this time of life is gone, you'll realize just how nice it was...

Realize that your parents are being "overprotective" NOT because of malice, but because they love you very much, and want the best for you. Life just isn't about TODAY... it's about tomorrow and down the road too. Bad decisions and bad situations NOW can REALLY screw up the future, for the rest of your LIFE in some cases, or even bring it to a close... THAT is a parent's NUMBER ONE worry in most cases... so yeah, it tends to make us a little "overprotective". Remember life COULD be a lot worse-- you could have an alcoholic parent(s) or abusive parent(s) or be in a bad situation... I know, I've been there myself... Lots of kids unfortunately are...

While it sounds like you and this girl have a nice thing going on, remember that you still have LONG time to make up your mind about who you "love" and stuff... Thing is, we old farts remember all too well (in most cases) OUR first teenage love (I know I do... I'd have DIED for that girl and she didn't even know I was alive) and how it affected US, and so we realize that the same sort of skewed judgment will affect OUR kids as well... including you! Maybe to different degrees of course, but still-- surging hormone induced raw emotions and good judgment seldom go together... what seems "permanent" today in the rose colored glasses of being "in love" can seem terribly silly tomorrow in the cold light of day. Unfortunately, the only way you'll REALLY come to understand and know when you "really love" a girl is through time and EXPERIENCE... I know, I've been there too... my first girlfriends treated me like crap and when MY family asked me "why do you put up with that" I got mad at THEM ("oh, you just don't understand!) and it took a long while before the rose colored glasses of being "in love" slipped off my eyes and I realized "hey, I'm not gonna put up with that crap!" and ended up moving on... Yeah, it hurts like h3ll getting dumped, or breaking up, but MOST of the time, it's for the best... and it took me about a half dozen to a dozen girlfriends and being in my late 20's to realize that I needed a MATURE woman to share my life with, not some girl that had "princess syndrome" (spoiled brat) and acted like she was 23 going on 14...

The point is, you'll have a LOT of girlfriends before you settle down, and that's a good thing... you don't realize it, but both you and HER have a lot of growing up yet to do... and that's what our jobs as parents are-- to see that you grow up the best way possible with the least pain and problems...

Later and good luck! OL JR :)
 
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When I was about 8, I loved to play with matches and build little fires. One hot summer day a friend and I built a little fire in his neighbor's backyard. Because his neighbor's house was vacant and they hadn't watered their grass, the grass was really dry. We knew it would burn if we didn't contain the fire. So we got something to contain the fire and started it. We stared at the fire, watching the flames dance.

Imagine the surprise on our young faces when the cardboard box we had used to contain the fire burst into flames.

When you are 16, you think you know a lot about almost everything. We all thought we did. But spending too much time with a girl who likes you--especially if it is a long time, in a private place, in a stationary position--is like building a fire in a cardboard box. Your parents know that and are trying to keep you from getting burned.

Group dating at 16 is great. Spending time together in public places is great. Single dating, hanging out in private places, and making out is building a fire in a cardboard box.

Be thankful for protective parents.

Joe





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Your mother will ALWAYS worry about you.

I am 46 and my mother still worries about me.

It's what mom's do.
 
I'm just going to give you a quote from Mark Twain....goes something like this...... "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Think about that one.....
 
If you think your Moms overprotective now. If you ever decide to join the Army/Marines don't tell her until your on the airplane to Basic Training. :y:

As a parent now I get it, I'm 43 and have a 5 year old girl (not looking forward to teenage years), a 3 year old son (won't ever be allowed near a motor vehicle or maybe even bicycles), and a baby girl due in January. As some one said earlier try and ignore (or at least let it roll off you) your parents while still living within their rules its hard but I learned to do it. As for the love thing it took me until I was 36 to find the right woman for me, two of my good friends each married their high school sweethearts, one during H.S. and one after. The one who married during was one of those uh-oh situations, hes turned out successful but it took many years of struggling because he made the mistake of having a child during H.S, please don't get into that position. And for what its worth some of my favorite shows are Disney movies, Phantom of the Opera, and other classics and classical music (I still listen to Heavy Metal, Country and everything else and love it).
 
Speaking personally as a friend and as a young adult, my parents were never in the equation of who I dated. They trusted my judgement because they believed that they raised me right. Turns out they did a pretty good job. They never freaked out over who I dated/spent time with, or what we did together. I would always just announce that I was dating someone, and they never objected. This included driving up to four hours to see a now ex-girlfriend. By myself. Sleeping over. For a full week.

I am more privileged than many, and my condolences to you, Matt. The first girl is always the hardest, both for you and your parents.
 
Dude, slow down. You're too young to really understand the concept of that kind of love. Seriously.

(Emphasis added is mine.)

This messed-up society of ours gives kids (and too many of the so-called "grown up" adults) a terrible idea of what love is. I'll bet just about anything that only about 1 in 4 old adults can give you a true and insightful definition of what love means to them.

I still cringe a little every time I hear someone say they "love those shoes" or that they "love" brand-BBBBB beer. The word is waaaaay over-used.

Dating is for learning how to get along with other people, what you want your future spouse to be like, and a whole bunch of other "serious" stuff.....while at the same time having fun, having fun, and having fun. Sounds to me like you don't have anything to apologize for to your friends, or even to your Mom. (Unless she just flat tells you no, you cannot date that girl---then you kinda have to do what she says. She's your MOM.)

Take your time. Think this through a little. You are probably not going to marry every girl that you date. That means that 99% of them are going to be gone from your life at some point. And when they are gone, all the hormone buzz that you get when you meet them...turns into discomfort (and often, a little depression) when they are leaving. That's just another part of the experience.

Enjoy it while it lasts, try to finish up keeping her as a friend.
 
What I'm about to say is in the category of "easier to say than do" but it's the truth -- ignore them. Don't worry about what they think. They're putting you down because they have this stupid image of what you're supposed to be like, and are insecure. Ignore them. Like what you like, be yourself.

Something you will learn eventually---all the other kids (1) don't really know any more than you do about how the world works, (2) are just as scared as you are that everyone else thinks they are a dork, (3) the wild and crazy sex, drugs, and "cool" crap that everyone thinks everyone else is getting is generally just not happening (at least, not on the scale that everyone imagines). They are all just kids, the same as you.

You are cool just the way you are. Someday, someone will notice.

And no, I am not stalking Troj.
 
Matt- Love you like a son. I'll give you a pretty green parachute to dump her....
Sorry-just kidding! You've shown you have a pretty thick skin with all the ribbing we've given you over the last few years. Don't listen to the kids. Keep your head on your shoulders and carry on. I trust your judgement and who knows-this may be like your first rocket. You have to start some where and I totally agree with most the comments already made but Powderburner says it well-"Enjoy it while it lasts, try to finish up keeping her as a friend." As I have always told my three (grown) sons-"Take notes...there will be a test...."
->what Kit said was amazing and very poetic<- That was the best summation of parenthood I have ever heard. Thank you for that!
 
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When you are sixteen, you think that you are a Top Gun pilot and you're going to climb into this airplane called a relationship and fly off into the wild blue yonder. What you see is a Joe Cool pilot with mirroed aviator glasses climbing into an F-14.

But your parents know that the truth of high school relationships looks a lot more like the Wright brothers trying to fly at Kitty Hawk. They fly for a few feet and crash. After a few repairs they fly again, and crash. Eventually the pilot DOES get better, but normally only after a bunch of crashes, near misses, frequent repairs, and lots of practice.

The tension between you and your parents is this difference in perspective.
 
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