Overprotective Parents?

blackbrandt said:

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?

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I am probably an anomaly in all of this. I met a wonderful person when I was 16. We've been married now for fifteen years (had to get out of graduate school first). I am more than the exception than the rule, but your mentioning of "socially awkward" reminded me of something. Would you say that, instead, yall are both a little on the shy side? Shy or people who are highly introverted tend to stick like flypaper.

MichaelRapp said:

I am probably an anomaly in all of this. I met a wonderful person when I was 16. We've been married now for fifteen years (had to get out of graduate school first). I am more than the exception than the rule, but your mentioning of "socially awkward" reminded me of something. Would you say that, instead, yall are both a little on the shy side? Shy or people who are highly introverted tend to stick like flypaper.

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I second this. My past 3 serious relationships have been with extroverted girls. Kate, my current significant other, is as introverted as I am. We match up on almost every topic.

A nickel's worth of free advice.
Damone's five point plan - free of charge!
[video=youtube;KZSPYdJxCVc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZSPYdJxCVc[/video]

Number five used to be the best advice (32 years ago).

Seriously, don't rush it, take your time. It's the parents job to protect their children. Organize your thoughts and concerns, then talk to them, face to face, about your concerns but remember they do have the final say.

I was wondering what the story behind your user title was...

Nice analogy Peartree.

I am 44, have been in the military for 21 years, and fire large caliber weapons from helicopters. I then take said helicopter apart, put it back together, then I fly on it. I enjoy hunting, fishing, sport shooting, classic cars and heavy metal. I also like Disney movies, Broadway shows, cooking, I do a little sewing, I have done some knitting for my wife and daughter, I braid my daughter's hair, have been known to play with dolls and I am the chief interior decorator in our home. If you look, you will find that most people's lives are filled with contrasts.

One or two interests do not define us. We can only define ourselves by looking at the whole person, acquaintances don't have that context but friends do. Don't worry about what others think ( I was about 30 before I was able to completely embrace this idea).

My daughter (now 12) will not date until she is 16 and I have met her suitor. My son will not date until he is 16 and I trust him to keep another father's princess safe. My daughter wasn't allowed to be home by her self until she was 10 and could not babysit her brother until she turned 12. Neither receives and allowance but they have required chores and they can earn money by doing extra jobs at home. Homework is non-negotiable and I have to know where they are at all times.

My kids also are involved in shooting, archery, and woodworking (including the use of power tools). My son is a catcher for his baseball team and cooked breakfast for our Bear den at the last camp out to include starting and placing coals for the Dutch oven. My daughter is a whiz in the kitchen and does all of her own knife work and she is absolutely fearless on her bike.

There are some areas where I keep a tight rein, social situations mostly. In other areas, I want them to take risks and get out of their comfort zone. Like all parents, I have to protect my kids in areas where the learning curve is steeper and the stakes are bigger. In others, it is my job to help them to build the confidence and skills that they will need when they are on their own and making decisions for them selves. I have to teach them well now so I can coach them effectively later and prepare my self to be their mentor when they go on to live their own life.

Trust me, your parents are in training as well. We all have to write our own instruction book as we go and we are constantly re-writing chapters that we thought were finished.

Kudos to you for reaching out and getting advice instead of getting angry and acting out.

BTW, my momma still worries about me and can't resist picking lint off of my clothes to this day, it is just the way mommas are.

RodRocket said:

Your mother will ALWAYS worry about you.

I am 46 and my mother still worries about me.

It's what mom's do.

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This is true... and to some degree (depending on your parents' human natures) they'll STILL treat you as a child when you're nearing retirement yourself...

I just finished helping my BIL finish corn/soybean harvest in Indiana-- my BIL is about ten years older than I am (I'm 43) and his Dad is 86... His Dad was helping with harvest last year (but he was to the point then that you have to be really careful that he doesn't run you over or break stuff-- this year his health deteriorated to the point he couldn't really do much beside pick us up in the field and bring us home for lunch) and my BIL STILL got several calls throughout harvest-- "Grandpa" wanted to know what we were doing-- then telling us what we SHOULD be doing, and what we should NOT be doing, areas that were too wet to work in, etc... ALL stuff that BOTH of us knew; after all, this ain't exactly OUR first rodeo either... (I've been farming 30 years, Chuck (BIL) for longer than that) and yet STILL "grandpa" feels like he has to "instruct the young-uns" on what they should and shouldn't be doing...

My parents do the same thing to me...

Just how it is... One day, you'll be glad they're still around to "tell you what to do" (and drive you nuts).

Later! OL JR

RodRocket said:

Your mother will ALWAYS worry about you.

I am 46 and my mother still worries about me.

It's what mom's do.

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Yup...I'm 44 and M+P (Mom and Pop) STILL give me Legos for Christmas and birthdays.

Matt ,there's a lot of great advice here, I only wish I had this kind of outlet to ask these kind of questions when I was 16.

Yup. Mom's will always worry. I remember my Mom complaining that as she drove three hours every week to help take care of *her* mom, that "every time I walk through the door of that house, suddenly I'm twelve years old."

At the time, she was 65.

My Mom still calls me her "Baby boy."

I'm 50. But she's 88 so what am I going to do about it? We all just laugh. I've been her baby my whole life and I will be until she dies... and then some.

I started dating my now wife when I was 15, she was 16. Not saying that is going to happen to you. Knock it down a peg, you don't love her yet. Get through high school and into college and if you stay together you know what love is!

Matt,

As you know, I've spent some time with your entire family. Dude, you have some very cool parents. Seriously. You are fortunate.

I watched your family dynamics and can understand why you might feel "over protected". Since you are enthusiastic and single-minded, I suspect they have had to manage your impulse control on your behalf since you could walk. Since they have been doing that for 16 years, they are not going to turn it off over night.

But know this, they have your best interests in mind. It may feel overly restricted at time (believe me, it felt that way to me when I was your age), but TRUST them. They are trying to help you through a tough time in your (and in everybody's!) Life (more on that in a moment). Just ride it out and be thankful you have amazing parents.

As for the crap you get from your peers, you aren't getting anything anybody else is not getting. EVERY ONE of your peers is getting crap from SOMEBODY. If it is not what about liking Disney, it's about your clothes, your car (or lack of one), or your friends, or your teeth, eyes, skin, feet, body; whatever! It is part of what just about everybody your age ever went through.

As for your girlfriend. Just go with the flow - take it easy. She may be the "one" or she may be "one of the many". You don't need to figure that out now. Just let it progress or diminish naturally. It is not a race. Enjoy the journey rather than trying to anticipate the destination. It may sound trite but it is true: "What will be, will be"

blackbrandt said:

OK... this is like a half rant half question kinda thing... but just hear me out.

My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

Anyway, recently, I got a girlfriend (we have gone out once now and going out again tonight). She and I are almost exactly alike. We both love Frozen. We both quote and sing Broadway all day. We are both socially awkward. We are both considered gay by a lot of our friends (even though we aren't). She and I were like meant to be. And I absolutely adore her.

My dad has no problem with me dating this girl. He doesn't mind the fact that we skype late at night, or the fact that I kissed her. My mom, on the other hand, was almost shocked when I called her my "girlfriend". She thinks I am acting like I am getting married to her. And I haven't even told her that I kissed her yet. 0_o


She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.


I already don't have a lot of friends. I am happy that I have someone I can talk to who I have actually met in real life. (Sorry Connor... but a 13 hour drive to meet you just isn't happening. ) Even better is the fact that now my friends can see that I am not gay.

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?

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I don't think this is an approiate place to discuss suct things. This is a ROCKT FORUM.
You need to find a form for such things.
But I'll give you my advice.
Find a different forum!
Not cool dude, not at all.

Hmmm... well that is kinda funny... considering this...
[h=1]Forum: The Watering Hole[/h]An area where general discussions can take place, that don't necessarily fit well into other categories. This can relate to rocketry, general chat, or any other topic not prohibited by TRF rules and guidelines.


I don't think this is prohibited by TRF rules and guidelines... anyone else agree?

blackbrandt said:

Hmmm... well that is kinda funny... considering this...
[h=1]Forum: The Watering Hole[/h]An area where general discussions can take place, that don't necessarily fit well into other categories. This can relate to rocketry, general chat, or any other topic not prohibited by TRF rules and guidelines.


I don't think this is prohibited by TRF rules and guidelines... anyone else agree?

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Gotta agree with you Matt, if you feel most comfortable asking for advice here, I think it speaks volumes to the kind of people on this forum. Ive been watching this thread very closely myself

Nate

Matt,

I would congratulate you on the cathartic, retrospective and thought provoking thread this has become. Don’t you see you are the same as everyone here? Parented, awkward, arrogant, vindicated, gay, nerd, geek, freak or whatever. Take your place among the men. But be humble, be of good humor, stay focused on lifelong goals and sidestep anger. Your true lady will gravitate to that. No rocket pun intended.

Feckless

Having met your parents, they are good people. I am sure they only want the best for you.

Woody's Workshop said:

I don't think this is an approiate place to discuss suct things.

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Weren't you the guy talking about making a shoulder fired missile? Motes and beams, motes and beams....

Hi Matt,

Don't be in such a hurry because there's plenty of time to grow old. When I was 16 I was in a hurry. That's when I began screwing things up. Had I listened more to my overprotective parents and less to my youthful impulses, life would now be much easier as I creep up on 70 years of life. I count myself as truly blessed for having had the parents God gave me and there is hardly a day that I don't miss them and their wise counsel. Nothing in my life has been as painful as losing my father, and nothing has brought me as much joy as the son God brought me and my wife of 41 years.

Overprotective? Hell yes and I wouldn't have it any other way.

RandyT0001 said:

Damone's five point plan - free of charge!

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Better advice than Dennis Reynolds' patented D.E.N.N.I.S. system:
[video=youtube;QZuOKUrwoys]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZuOKUrwoys[/video]

conman13 said:

MY turn


My parents are overprotective. Like way overprotective. My mom more than my dad, but still, overprotective. As in my sister and I weren't allowed to be home alone until we were like 13 or so.

My parents were the same however with 2 younger sisters I was let off pretty easy and was allowed to stay home at a younger age. However most of my friends couldn't stay home alone until 13 and I remember us planning for my parents to "Watch" them so we could keep hanging out.

Anyway, recently, I got a girlfriend (we have gone out once now and going out again tonight). She and I are almost exactly alike. We both love Frozen. We both quote and sing Broadway all day. We are both socially awkward. We are both considered gay by a lot of our friends (even though we aren't). She and I were like meant to be. And I absolutely adore her.

First, you like frozen............. Kids call each other gay all the time. Most of the time when people call you gay in the 21st century they aren't actually calling you gay but more that they think whatever you did/do is weird or strange.

My dad has no problem with me dating this girl. He doesn't mind the fact that we skype late at night, or the fact that I kissed her. My mom, on the other hand, was almost shocked when I called her my "girlfriend". She thinks I am acting like I am getting married to her. And I haven't even told her that I kissed her yet. 0_o

dads are pretty cool with the whole dating thing. I've been dating girls since the 6th grade and was lucky that my parents didn't really have a problem with dating. your mom is still trying to get over how your growing up and once she gets over it she will realize you can make decisions for yourself. There is no need to tell your mom that you kissed. Personally I think it is a little strange that you would but thats just me.


She recently invited me to her school's homecoming dance. My mom was ecstatic about me going. So she doesn't mind the fact that I like this girl. She is just fearful of the fact that I love her. She still thinks I am like 5 years old.

I'm with kevin I wouldn't call it love rather that you have strong "feelings" for each other. Dances are great. Dance hang out and have fun, thats what being a teenager is all about right!


I already don't have a lot of friends. I am happy that I have someone I can talk to who I have actually met in real life. (Sorry Connor... but a 13 hour drive to meet you just isn't happening. ) Even better is the fact that now my friends can see that I am not gay.

Hey good to talk to someone you know and have met in person. ( You could fly in be here in like an hour )

So.... the question part. What is your opinion on teens (16 y/o old or so) dating?


Well thats my opinion take it for what it's worth


- Another reckless 16 year old teenager

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What does this have to do with rockketry? Shouldn't you be seeing a state counselor?
This is where the Internet goes wrong. You need profession advice, not a rocket nut's advice. Be real dude, if you really care!!!!

Woody's Workshop said:

What does this have to do with rockketry? Shouldn't you be seeing a state counselor?
This is where the Internet goes wrong. You need profession advice, not a rocket nut's advice. Be real dude, if you really care!!!!

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This is kind of true statement. I am on a gun forum and there's a guy who always asking a bunch of obsessive gun owners about marital advice. I don't care one way or another about the OP's post but I agree this isn't the most sane place for that kind of advice!

You're all wrong! This is a place where anti-social people can get together to socialize. and learn proper spellen.

timbucktoo said:

This is kind of true statement. I am on a gun forum and there's a guy who always asking a bunch of obsessive gun owners about marital advice. I don't care one way or another about the OP's post but I agree this isn't the most sane place for that kind of advice!

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I'm not at all sure that this is inappropriate in any way at all. This young person wants to opinion of trusted adults. People who have a) been parented, and b) possibly been parents themselves. What he wants to know is if his experience is "out of the ordinary." For that he could ask his parents to take him to see a professional counselor (which would involve all sorts of questions and possibly a refusal) or might seek the advice of a trusted clergy person (if he is so inclined), but either way, he ends up with ONE opinion and little or no "feel" for whether or not his experience is normal. By approaching a group of people, largely but not exclusively adults, whom he has grown to respect and trust (as many of us have, admittedly with a few exceptions) he can gain a dozen or more opinions simultaneously from people with a very wide range of experience and thereby gain a fairly decent statistical sampling of "normal."

With a little common sense and filtering out a few outlying opinions, he has rapidly gained quite a bit a perspective that he was previously lacking.

For the most part, everyone here has been respectful of who he is, who his parents are, and what he is attempting to accomplish.

Something maybe worth a mention--

A good relationship is formed when two strong, self-confident people come together with the goal of enhancing each others' lives. A relationship is all about giving; the "getting" is a side benefit.

If two people come together because they fill some kind of void in each others' lives, it is called "codependency." It rarely results in a successful relationship, because sooner or later, one of the people starts to find other ways to fill that void, or one person becomes more needy than the other. Believe me, I have been there.

A good test is to always ask yourself, "Do I feel like I would die or not be able to go on if I lost this person? Do I feel like my self-esteem comes from knowing this person?"

If so, then that is likely a codependent relationship.

Now, please be clear: I AM NOT SAYING THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE! I don't know you and couldn't possibly know if that is what's going on. But I encourage you to step back and look at things, and ask yourself those questions.

When I was young, I had low self-esteem, and didn't date much, and I had a real need that I felt could only be filled by a woman. And all my relationships went to heel in a handbasket.

Later in life, I finally got to where I could honestly say that I didn't need a woman in my life to make me whole. I was okay with being single, and that didn't hurt my self-esteem.

In that confident state of mind, I met a woman who became my wife, and we have been going string for over twelve years. We now have two kids, and yes, I am very protective of them. :wink:

I hope things work out well for you!

I would be even more strict. Many things come into play, but no way would/will I let my son have a girlfriend or date until he is ready to get married. If there is someone he is interested in and wants to get to know her, he can do it with a group of friends or "chaperones" that won't let them go off by themselves. We monitor his phone messages and Facebook, etc. So consider yourself fortunate to be able to do what you're doing. Or ,as i tell him, women are crazy.

Is there such a thing as a chastity belt for men? oint:

The scary part is, yes, there are. Google it. 0_o

Woody's Workshop said:

I don't think this is an approiate place to discuss suct things. This is a ROCKT FORUM.
You need to find a form for such things.
But I'll give you my advice.
Find a different forum!
Not cool dude, not at all.

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Really??

Considering the general level of CRAP that takes up bandwidth in the "Watering hole" (word association games and other such stupidity) I think that this topic is better than about 90% of what gets discussed in here...

We already have plenty of restrictions around here about what can and cannot be discussed... I don't think we need any more restrictions, especially not when so much GARBAGE gets continuously posted in here...

What's "not cool at all" is more self-appointed prigs whining about any topic they personally don't like... If you didn't like the topic, WHY click on it and read it in the first place?? Geez... Don't like a topic-- slide right on by it... Lord knows I have to sift through a lot of chaff to find the kernels of grain around here at times...

This sort of crap REALLY makes me sick...

Later! OL JR

blackbrandt said:

The scary part is, yes, there are. Google it. 0_o

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OMG!!!! Where were these when I needed one? On the other hand, I could make a rather interesting nose cone out of one but I refuse to pay full retail. I wonder if there are any used ones for sale? Craig's List, here I come! :rofl:

I haven't read the entire thread, but I'm guessing this will still hold true:

I'm 22, still in college, but life is moving quick. I don't have my parents at hand for advice since they're hundreds of miles away, but I never discount their opinions.

My version of "overprotective" is when I tell my mom I'm going to some event and she tells me not to drink and drive. I don't have a car at school, and I rarely if ever drink, but I can see where she's coming from. I know she'd be devastated if anything ever happened to me.

Everybody has gone through what you're going through: wanting to ignore them, being upset when they tell you no, ect.

Just remember every single person older than you has been exactly where you are, so unless your parents are evil (doubtful) I'm guessing they want you to keep your head on straight and not rush into things and do anything stupid.

My 3c